u/Flashy-Way-3977

I mentioned graduation to my mom and then told her I didn’t have more details right now, I didn’t receive any emails and couldn’t give her any other information. She then proceeded to say “Well why don’t you ask (my friend), she’s put together” I got extremely angry and told her to fuck off and she started acting personally victimized and made me stay behind to apologize to her for my behavior and acted like she didn’t say anything rude and I was the one being dramatic. I started to leave until she mentioned my girlfriend by saying “Is (GF) like this? So disrespectful to her parents?” I essentially told her to shove it and to keep my girlfriend out of this and left but not without her saying “I’ll remember that (OP)….”

My girlfriend and I made dinner together, one of my mom’s favorite cuisines, because I want to get better at being in the kitchen. I’m autistic and have a lot of food aversions and trauma around food (My father withheld food from me and I’ve struggled with a severe eating disorder for many years) so I struggle with seeing the process to cook food and don’t even like microwaving food. This was my suggestion as a form of exposure therapy because I need to be a better cook before I go off to Kenyon in the fall (I’m so excited for college)!

Anyway, my girlfriend was really supportive of this and I cut onions, washed and sanitized dishes, and stirred the pots. She did much more than I did, which I told her, but she loves cooking and it was fun for her. I kept telling her she was doing amazing and I was so proud of her.

My mom arrives and immediately shower my girlfriend in compliments (that she deserves!) that everything smells amazing etc. My mom and sister start asking details about the food and my girlfriend and I explain that we’ve been cooking together. My mom corrects me and says something akin to, “Be honest GF, OP didn’t do anything, did she?” and “OP definitely couldn’t do any of this, you did great though!” My sister that I don’t have a good relationship with starts laughing and making similar comments while I’m just standing there awkwardly, my girlfriend doesn’t laugh and immediately defends me and mentioned that I did help and I did a great job and listened to whatever instructions she had for me, which my family didn’t believe and said something like “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.”

I went upstairs after we ate and was just silent and almost started crying because I don’t understand what makes me so inept to be told these things on a daily basis. My girlfriend knew I was upset and started telling me I did great and that they don’t matter and that I matter, I am so grateful to have her (her parents are somewhat similar). I haven’t ever been in this healthy of a relationship, I don’t know what I did to deserve her.

Has anyone experienced this? I am so drained. I move out in three months. Whenever I used to bring this stuff up to my mom, she would say I was playing the victim and being dramatic so I just stopped talking to her about it.

Was opening a box today and my mom was mad at me because she called me repeatedly before and I missed the calls because my phone was in sleep mode as I’m usually asleep at this time. She got mad at me and told me that she needs to be the exception to all of my restrictions on my phone.

I was opening a box using scissors to cut the tape and she started laughing at me and told me that I needed to work on this in the life skills training (I’m an autistic woman, extremely high functioning) I’m doing because I’m not doing it properly at all. I explained that this is the way I do it because it’s easier for me and it doesn’t hurt the contents of the package because I’m careful and she just kept laughing and told me that she can’t possibly treat me like an adult when I act like this.

I go back and forth on whether my mother is a narcissist because she can genuinely offer good advice sometimes but most of the time I just feel useless when I’m around her. Has anyone experienced this from their Nparents?

My narc parents are divorced, my mom is better than my dad because my dad is a child rapist and physically abused us and my mom isn’t/didn’t, but she still isn’t pleasant to be around. We saw Lady Bird together and she said she related a lot to the mom, and they’re pretty identical.

Anyway, point of this post is my parents will hold money over my head as a way to either win my love or obedience. During arguments I’ve told my mom that I won’t talk to her when I go to college in the fall, and she’s told me plainly that she will revoke my entire college fund if I do so or if I committed before the deadline (when she wanted me to commit). She uses my screen time limits and funds she has set aside for me as leverage to gain my submissiveness.

My dad, due to being low/essentially no contact with myself and my siblings, uses it differently, as a way to buy our love because he knows presents/holidays/gift exchanges are the only time I communicate with him.

Anyone else have a similar situation? Advice welcome but thankfully I don’t have to live here much longer :)