My parents made me homeless at 17
My parents made me homeless at 17
To give a little context I was very poor growing up and my birth mum left during the night and never really gave any reason why since then, my dad drank a lot and looked after me and my brother as a single parent until he met another women, my step mum, who had 2 children at the time. They moved into our home and for the first couple of years it was OK but my brother started to show signs that he had faced trauma, and instead of supporting him, my parents sent him off to the army where he developed CPTSD. During that time, I started to become depressed and this isolated me from the family, I became a people pleaser and I felt as though my step mum treated me differently. Often commenting on my body image and putting very adult responsibilities on me at a young age. I
was grateful that she had gotten me employment at 15, but when I was late coming home instead of picking me up to ensure I was safe she would call and text me constantly worried that I had been killed or kidnapped. I was all of a sudden being blamed for things around the house and when I stood up to this I was told that I was ungrateful, just like my mum who abandoned me and sent me to my room. I shared this room with my step sister, who was lovely but unfortunately had to take a lot of my frustrations in the family home. She would have lots of money spent on her, she was given clothes, items she liked, taken on days out and sent on holidays with her friends. Our room was filled with her things and there was no space for me. When I wanted to go on holidays that I said I had the money to pay for I was never allowed, and would have to spends my days redecorating our room or tidying the house and babysitting our youngest brother while my step sister was enjoying herself.
it became really apparent to me that I was being treated different and that I was dealing with complex feelings. I dated a boy when I was 16 who took advantage of me and during this relationship I self harmed and eventually my parents found out. I was told I was disgusting and horrible and shouted at me. I wasn't spoken to for a month and then my step mum eventually told me that I had to move out. I told them that I had no where to go but they didn't care. I told my school and they started putting things in place for me to leave my home and even tried to repair my relationship with my step mum by bringing her into school but it ended up with her shouting at me and accusing me of painting her in a bad light. When in reality at home she spit on me, hit me, threatened me and threw me across rooms and harassed me over texts for things as simple as taking a hair brush to school. I remember one day I was trying to leave for school, but she locked me in the house and demanded that I tell he what was wrong with me, she had backed me into a corner. When I told my dad what had happened, she shouted at me again asking if I would run to home everytime something happened.
Unfortunately, covid hit and there was lock down. I wasn't quite done the homelessness process so I had to stay at home during the lock down. My step mum didn't want me to stay in the house, so she made me spend my time in a shed my dad made with pallets, it had a tv and a bed in it but it wasn't insulated. Eventually I was made to feel so unwelcome in the house that I slept in the shed, and my wardrobe was moved into it. I was told that a heater would be too expensive to keep running so I had to sleep with multiple blankets and got really sick from the cold. They would lock the doors of the house, so if I needed the bathroom I'd have to do it in the garden.
I eventually ran away after 2 months, and stayed in a homeless unit. I stayed non-contact for 4 years before I eventually started going back in their life because I missed my youngest brother. He was 5 when I left and I felt as though I missed a lot of his life. I used a therapist to set appropriate boundaries and this made me feel a lot stronger. But, during covid, my dad would take me a drive when my step mum was threatening to hit me, and he would tell me that I needed to move out and then he would because he didn't love her and wanted to make sure I was safe. My dad is still with her. It makes me so confused. Whenever I go round and talk about the past, they always avoid the bad bits and when I bring things up they divert the conversation.
Now my step mum acts really warm towards me saying she loves me and that she is proud of me and gives me lots of hugs. When I was in school and was given an award she would make comments that they must have the wrong person because it couldn't be me they were talking about. it makes me uncomfortable.
I want to get clarity about what happened to me from them. I want them to know how it made me feel and how it affected my life in so many ways. It feels wrong that they can continue living and haven't offered me so much as an apology for the way I have been treated. It doesn't make sense that they can avoid the conversation.
Is it a good idea to have a conversation with my parents about this? I know that my step mum feels like she has changed, and there are sometimes I feel as though she hasn't changed at all. Im wondering if her response might show her true colours and if that is the case then it might help me decide to cut off contact again. I feel as though I spend so much time thinking about how things were and feeling confused and angry that they have never wanted to see it from my point of view. If they were to know, I don't know if it would bring me closure. Any advice?