u/Flimsy_Community8889

I think that I’m autistic and I just cannot mask anymore. I’m getting so good at it that I can’t tell what of me is real. I work behind another stylist that is extremely loud… I’m taking my watch alerts me to noise overload loud, and talks about the same thing every day for weeks. In a salon with 9 stylists total and it is just so overstimulating. The problem is I love my coworkers, love the location, love most of my clients but I’m just so tired and burnt out at the end of everyday that it’s effecting my home life. I only work 25 hours with a total of 4 days a week so I’m not sure what else I can do for self care. Been doing it 20 years now. I hate the idea of 40 hour work week and working for an employer. I know I’ll never make as much money. I had a hysterectomy and was off for 6 weeks which was honestly amazing. But also made me realize that health issues (like a hysterectomy) come with a huge cost when I work for myself… no PTO, no sick pay, etc. is it actually worth it. Anybody else feeling similar? Any ideas on what I can do or should do?

I’m currently 20lbs down from 195 at 5’2” I saw a photo of myself last summer and feel like I looked so much bigger. I feel like I have body dysmorphia when I’m obese, like I didn’t see how big I was. I still fit in the same clothes, they are just loose/fit now but I’m starting to feel awkward with comments I’m getting from people. I don’t like attention on me and I think the weight helped hide me. But one thing is that my husband never comments. I talked about that photo today and he just didn’t say anything. Then I said sorry I got fat (when we met I weighed 125, size 6 pants) and again didn’t respond. He’s always shown attraction to me, but I can see it increasing now. It’s somehow making me feel more insecurity and I’m not sure why. Has anybody else experienced this? I think he’s very careful about saying the wrong thing and I don’t know if I like that he doesn’t comment or not. The most he has said is if I ask if I look different and he said yes very and also when I showed him my weight was almost out of obese category he congratulated me. I don’t really know my point or what I want. Just curious if anybody can relate. Honestly I think he just loves me in all forms which is amazing but why can’t I be content with that. Yes I need to go back to therapy. LOL