I'm grieving my nahiling na friend...
I've been thinking for weeks kung ipopost ko dito pero wala akong mapagsabihan. For context, I have this really close friend na sobrang lala ng "faith" nya sa INC. We've been close friends sa work for a few years now. Alam ko na matagal na na INC sya pero never nya akong inakay sa "church" nila. We're close in age, same ng pinagtatrabahuhan and we vibed kaya we became friends.
A few years back may nakilala syang nag aaral na ministro. Matagal na din ako naglulurk dito kaya nababahala ako na mahiling sya. Knowing her kung gaano katatag yung "faith" nya sa INC. Hindi ko alam pano nya nakilala yung lalaki pero I've been seeing her videocall him pag may sleepover kami. Never daw nya nakikita puro VC lang kasi nakadestino sa malayong probinsya. Sabi nya sakin dalawang beses daw hinihiling yung pag magiging mag bf/gf kayo at magiging mag-asawa na. Parang pinag uusapan nila yung kasal pero sabi nya sakin medyo matagal pa kasi gusto nya pa suportahan yung pamilya nya. Hindi ko naman masabi na pinilit sya ng pamilya nya. Baligtad pa nga kasi need pa ng help ng pamilya nya pero dahil sa nagmamadali yung lalaki magpakasal, nagstep up na yung ibang family member and that's another story pa.
Siguro I shouldn't be grieving her? Kasi clearly this is her choice? And I see na masaya sya pag minemention nya yung kasal nila. Kung anong theme, kung saan at kung gaano nya gusto magpaka-disney princess. And clearly sa mga jokes nya, "Pag naging ninang ka ng anak ko bongga mo na kasi malapit sa Diyos yung tatay nya".
But I am grieving a woman and her supposed life. Na now kaya nyang bilhin lahat ng kailangan nya and can sustain the life she wants. Malaya syang bilhin lahat ng skincare nya at lahat ng pagkaing gusto nyang kainin. Pag naging asawa sya ng ministro, who knows kung anong magiging role nya don? And with a man she barely knows? Isang lalaki, who she only knows sa kung paano ang pinapakita nyang character at disposisyon through a screen? Clearly, she has blind trust doon sa mga INC. The comments she makes tuwing napag uusapan ang nga krimen "Sigurado ako hindi yan samin, wala akong kilalang ganyan".
Or maybe it was my fault na hanggang ngayon she's deep into the cult? Why didn't I drop any hints? Or did not even try to change her mind one bit? But I was scared to lose someone who has been with me through my ups and down. She was a really good friend.
Ngayon, ilang buwan na lang ikakasal na sila. Abay ako pero isa ang araw na yun sa pinakamalungkot na pangyayari sa buhay ko. Libing sya ng mga "sana" at "siguro".
Thank you guys sa pagbabasa, may mga info ma tinwist ko para maprotektahan kami parehas. I sincerely wish her happiness.
English (AI generated)
I’ve been thinking for weeks about whether I should post this here, but I really have no one to talk to about it. For context, I have this really close friend whose “faith” in INC is incredibly deep. We’ve been close friends at work for a few years now. I’ve always known she’s been INC for a long time, but she never tried to recruit me into their church. We’re close in age, work in the same field, and we just clicked, so we became friends.
A few years ago, she met a man who was studying to become a minister. I’ve been lurking here for a long time already, so I became worried that she might eventually be “requested” (mahiling). Knowing her and how strong her faith in INC is, I wasn’t surprised. I don’t know how she met the guy, but I’d often see her video calling him whenever we had sleepovers. She said they’ve never actually met in person — only through video calls — because he’s assigned to a faraway province. She told me that in their church, permission has to be requested twice: once for becoming boyfriend/girlfriend, and another for marriage. It sounds like they’ve already been talking about marriage, but she said it might still take some time because she still wants to support her family.
I can’t even say she was forced into it by her family. If anything, it’s the opposite — her family still needs her help. But because the man seems eager to get married, other family members started stepping up to help out too, and that’s another story altogether.
Maybe I shouldn’t even be grieving for her. Because clearly, this is her choice. And I can see that she’s happy whenever she talks about their wedding — the theme, the venue, how badly she wants to feel like a Disney princess. And from the jokes she makes, like: “When you become my child’s godmother, you’ll be extra blessed because their father is close to God.”
But I *am* grieving for a woman and the life she could have had. Right now, she can afford everything she needs and sustain the kind of life she wants. She freely buys all her skincare and eats whatever food she wants. But once she becomes a minister’s wife, who knows what role she’ll be expected to take on? And it’s with a man she barely even knows — a man she only knows through the personality and character he chooses to show through a screen.
Clearly, she has blind trust in INC members. Whenever crimes are discussed, she says things like: “I’m sure that person isn’t one of us. I don’t know anyone like that.”
Or maybe it’s my fault that she’s still so deep in the cult. Why didn’t I drop hints? Why didn’t I even try to change her mind, even a little? But I was scared of losing someone who stayed with me through my ups and downs. She really was a good friend.
Now, in just a few months, they’ll be getting married. I’m one of the bridesmaids, but that day will probably be one of the saddest moments of my life. It feels like a burial for all the “what ifs” and “maybes.”
Thank you for reading. I changed some details to protect both of us. I sincerely wish her happiness.