My mom is a ticking time bomb
Im stuck and I don’t know what to do.
One moment she’s all happy with her friends. The next, she waits until 1am to nitpick at us on a random night.
My brother, who decided to go out of state to my mom out with us, recently went back to our dad house a month ago. He did it because my mom crashed out at the fact my brother broke his phone he could easily pay for himself since he has a job.
They started having an altercation when he wanted to be left alone. She thought he was challenging her, so she went naked to fight him and started choking him 4 times. I’m still confused.
I didn’t get to get anything for Mother’s Day because I didn’t have any money, so I made her breakfast that day and told her that I will give her stuff when I get paid again. I crochet, so I was planning on making her a blanket bouquet and my sister was going to get her a Mother’s Day basket.
That day, she said it would be nice if my brother called her. He didn’t. I don’t blame her for being upset, but the same time, they left at a bad note. So I don’t blame my brother either
Yesterday, I was hungry and found some Cereal under the cabinet. Right now, my mom is saving money for the rent and to get ready for a court about being evicted because she’s behind on multiple rent. So, there’s nothing to eat at the moment. So, my last resort was cereal. I called my mom through my phone, since she was out somewhere, and asked if I could get some. She says that we could have a little because that’s my little sister cereal. She said that she got her some because we ate all the cereal last time and my youngest sister didn’t any. That’s understandable. I was a bit bummed but said alright. My sister and I ended up not getting any but what she said was practically a no.
Today, there was nothing to eat. So we reached out to our dad and asked if we could get $20. He gives us it and we went to the store to get snacks and a box of ramen to last us until we get paid. We went inside and immediately, I seen our mom looking at our bags and not saying anything. My mom has a rule to not leave food in the room if you’re not eating it. So since I wasn’t eating the noodles anytime soon, I left that downstairs.
I thought it was suspicious with the way she was eyeing my bags, but I thought that maybe I was being dramatic. Turns out I wasn’t.
About 3 hours ago, I played games with my brother on a call. In the middle of it. I hear doors slamming and stuff. At first, I thought nothing of it. Then, after the 4th slam, I started getting suspicious.
Fast forward to 3 hours later, we heard another slam. So, my sister went to check up on my mom, thinking she fell. She asked if she fell and my mom simply said no.
Cool.
So she went back to our room. About 6 minutes later, we get a text. She tells us that she feels disrespected and that we will have a meeting. We’re confused because, what did we do?
She follows up with a, “I didn’t fall, I slammed the door.” …? Okay then.
Then my sister says, “Why? I didn’t ask that in a bad way, I actually felt worried.”
She goes with a whole paragraph, ignoring what my sister said. She goes, “And it is okay with me if yall want to go back to your dad’s house. I will understand but he does not run my house and I feel like my ability to teach you is undermined every time I try to teach you something and the lack of response when I text in my home is disrespectful because when you want something you text immediately and call and expect a response . I’m being cut out of my sons life and I hear yall laughing as if I wasn’t trying to teach him something and I don’t think you all understand how a narcissist works unless it effects you.”
Then she says, “So we need to have a meeting. Me saying no to cereal was to teach you respect for everyone in the house and responsibility. But he gave money to spite me and my teaching. I can’t work with that. I was trying to teach you to spend your money wisely and of course he bails you out and makes me look like the bad guy.”
What was she trying to teach us? We respected what she said and didn’t get any cereal. We didn’t ask my dad $20 as a form of payback. We asked because we wanted something to eat. We didn’t tell our dad anything, the cereal wasn’t in our minds when we asked. I’m trying not to have a break down.
My sister replies with, “where is this coming from?”
My mom ignores what she says and goes, “and then, I told you all not to hold food upstairs.”
My sister says, “I asked dad for money for snacks we’re still awake and eating them. We will put it downstairs when we’re done.”
My mom goes, “I have no respect in my home and you have no idea how much I am trying. I feel completely disrespected and like I have no say so in my home. The home I’m trying to build. I want a car and grow. I don’t think you all understand how hard it is. And then yall see me struggling and will eat everything I buy, but not only buy for yourselves and put it up selfishly after you eat what I get for the house in two days. But I end up feeling bad.”
The last part isn’t true. She’s overextending it all like usual. The cereal we supposedly ate in two days, lasted for at least two weeks. Weeks before, she complained that we weren’t eating anything from her fridge.
My sister is trying to console her. Then my mom goes, “Nevermind, it’s not an attack and this is my issue if I explain how I’m struggling I’m wrong and that’s why dennis is gone. I won’t speak on anything else.”
10 minutes later, she leaves the group chat. Then about idk 15 minutes she texts, “Rent is now $300.00 dollars a month. That covers room and board. Not food, you are responsible for your own food. This agreement starts on the first.”
Wow. Okay. I left my dad house because I was being treated as a stranger there. Treated as if I’m non existent. She knew that.
I tried to avoid this, but now I have to go back to my dad house. I’d rather be treated as if I’m invincible than treated as someone who is a bad person. I’m not a bad person, nor disrespectful. I avoid conflicts, I sugarcoat everything because I don’t want to hurt anyone feelings. I made my nice manager a crochet purse. I made my little sister a purse, I think about everyone before I think about myself. So to be treated as a disrespectful child fucking hurts.
Paying rent is fine. But I don’t want to do that if I can’t even eat the food in the fridge. I can’t do that if my mom is going to have a problem with everything I’m doing. At this point, I’m a roommate and not her daughter.
My dad told me that he didn’t want us to go because she’ll put bitter in our hearts. Which is ironic but my dad already did that to us growing up. I forgave my mom for leaving me and my sibling on the porch when we were young children as a punishment towards my dad. Who was a violent person. I remember her laughing with her cousins as they drove off and left us there. I remember my dad with my now step mom, looking at us confused as if we were just some random children. How my dad frantically tried to call my mother after. I’m trying my hardest to be a strong child, a strong teenager, and now a strong adult. I’ll continue to be that. I’m just hurt that I have no parent to lean onto.
Not to mention, she wants to charge us rent, but goes to invite someone she barely knows to sleep on her couch, free of charge.
But that’s okay. I’ll build myself up again.
My mom is 40 years old, still the same person as she was at least 18 years ago. I’m an adult now, why does she keep bringing up what happened in the past? Everytime I’m upset, she always tries to say it’s because of my dad. She’s a grown woman. Why does she have no maturity and emotional intelligence? I can’t get close with none of my parents? Alright then.
I’m thinking of going back to my dad house. I will be real depressed, extremely. For going back to where I started, but I’ll build myself up again.