u/Flower_Crown4

I was unofficially diagnosed with cyclothymia a few months ago, but I feel it's so obvious that I don't need to seek the official one. Am on Caplyta right now but may need to switch meds.

The cyclothymia is bad enough in itself. I have mixed episodes and extremely fast cycling, I think, so I can have bad depression for an hour in the morning and then feel like my brain is trying to bounce out of my skull a few hours later. Hypersexuality (didn't realize that was stemming from the cyclothymia until very recently); hypomania is affecting my metabolism apparently (it's a thing, and I'm hungry all the time); sleep issues; can't touch caffeine anymore; can't do certain ordinary activities I used to enjoy because they send me into hypomania; can't even socialize without getting hypo... I have to shape my day entirely around my moods, which I have almost no control over. I know stress makes me way worse, so I try to limit stress as best I can. But cyclothymia is running my life.

If it sounds like my meds aren't working, that's correct. I'm on the 42 mg of Caplyta, which for me is almost like taking nothing at all. The 21 mg worked about halfway well for me, but my psychiatrist wanted me to try the upper dose and I can't see her until the end of the month to change it back to the 21. The 42 has put me right back into the moods.

But running alongside all of this is crushing loneliness. I have severe OCD, and that diagnosis came about 5-6 years ago. Because of how it happened, I almost immediately had an online support group and amazing mentors. I am Christian, and my faith is how I live and breathe and how I get through life at all, and I even found amazing Christian mentors with the same exact type of OCD I had.

With cyclothymia, I have basically no one. I know hardly anyone in my real life who has bipolar, let alone this, and the one person I do know I'm not able to talk to about this for a few reasons. I don't have the online community I had with the OCD (which I am largely in remission from thanks to ERP therapy), and hardly anyone in my "real" life knows about this, and I don't want to tell many more because I think it will change how they see me.

So I feel like no one in my life sees me or knows how much it takes me to just get through the day. I feel like no one knows how hard it's been or how much I've been carrying for especially the past 1-2 years, which is when my symptoms really went wild (I had had depression for years but hypomania showed up for the first time about a year ago).

I'm also just really struggling with the "diagnosis" itself because I thought I knew myself. I thought I knew who I was and how I functioned, and honestly, I did know that for 27-ish years. Now I feel like a completely different version of myself, and in a bad way. I've been comparing it to tech updates, like if you download the newest update for your phone and it causes a ton of problems and leaves it worse than it was before. Same me, debilitatingly bad operating system, and I'll never be the same again (unless I happen to get on the right meds--and even then, I'll never be able to enjoy life without meds again).

I know life-altering diagnoses are not that uncommon. I just feel like when it's a mental one, it's a special kind of nightmare because it's not just your body (and I'm not belittling that--that's life-altering and nightmarish too)--it's who you are. It's what makes you up. My personality and the entire way I live, function, and appear to others is fundamentally different now, so it feels like I'm not even "me" anymore. No, I am not just my malfunctioning brain--but it shapes a lot of things that feel close to my core, like how I function, my personality, etc.

The shame runs deep too. I think I internalized as a child for some reason that being too excited = weird, so I am terrified that my hypomania is visible to others and that I seem so happy and excited that they think I'm weird. (I have had multiple people tell me they couldn't tell. Still paranoid.) And then just the shame of having a brain that is so bad at doing its dang job that I can't do normal things humans need in order to keep existing, like sleep.

I hope none of this is offensive to anyone. Truly I am harder on myself than I would be on any other person, and yeah, what I should do is treat myself like I was someone else and have compassion on myself like I would with them. It is just a lot harder when it's me.

If anyone has read this far and has encouragement or tips for processing this diagnosis, I'd appreciate it. I'm hanging in there but just so tired from years of fighting this only to realize the party's just getting started and this is my life now.

Hi all. I have a recent unofficial diagnosis of cyclothymia, and I did not realize I struggle with hypersexuality until I started taking Caplyta and found it much easier to manage while on that med. I am pretty sure it's hypersexuality and not just lowering my libido because it has always felt extremely difficult to manage and my sexual actions felt compulsive. I have had little to no success in managing this for about 4 years, when my bipolar symptoms and this started. I am unfortunately not sure if I will be able to stay on Caplyta for a variety of reasons.

I am single, and aim to stay single (personal preference for various reasons, mental health included), so my sexual activities do not involve others. However, I would at least like to be able to control myself better, even if I still experience the desires/urges. I would like to not feel like I "have" to engage with them.

Has anyone found meds that helped with hypersexuality that aren't Caplyta? The only other bipolar med I've been on was Lamictal/Lamotrigine, which helped my moods but did not touch the hypersexuality at all (and I was on it quite a while). I will see my psychiatrist at the end of the month and will be asking her about it too.

Additionally, if there's any non-sexual lifestyle changes anyone has found helpful, I'm also interested in those now that I know this isn't just natural libido.

Please do not be graphic. I am only asking about meds that have helped others with this or non-sexual lifestyle changes to help it be more manageable.

Hi, I have an unofficial diagnosis of cyclothymia, but it's pretty clear that that's what it is. I have been taking Caplyta (may have to get off of it due to insurance issues). I started having depression about 5-6 years ago, and hypomania as far as I can tell came in about a year ago.

For at least a year and maybe longer, I've been experiencing increased hunger: as in, I eat breakfast at about 8 or 9 am, and by 10 am or 10:30, I'm starving again. This happens occasionally with other meals too, to the point that I feel like I am having to eat a lot more than I used to. I didn't even used to eat breakfast, just out of preference. I am not gaining weight and I am actually very slightly losing weight, which is not a problem so far since I was about 20 pounds overweight before from different meds.

I have had thyroid tests and blood tests (diabetes) done and everything comes back normal. I feel like I have a lot of symptoms that point to hyperthyroidism, including this, but my thyroid numbers are extremely average and normal.

I went up to 42 mg of Caplyta a few weeks ago, and I can't stay on this dose for several reasons (it's made both hypomania and depression worse than the 22 mg did), but I'm having "brain zaps," which I've read can happen when your body metabolizes the medication too fast--you go into slight withdrawal every night before you take it again. It is staying in my system about 19 hours every day, so between 5:30 pm or so and whenever I go to bed and take the med, I have pretty severe dizziness related to the brain zaps. I take the med and am fine the next morning. I am planning to change the dose as soon as I see my psychiatrist, because nothing about this dose has been good for me.

All this considered, I am thinking that I have a pretty high metabolism. This didn't used to be the case though, and generally metabolism does not increase, especially not when you're my age (28). The biggest change in my health since the increased hunger is the bipolar symptoms, especially hypomania.

Does anyone know if cyclothymia/bipolar can cause high metabolism? I am wondering if the med issue and the hunger issue are related.

Trying to figure out how to make Caplyta work financially. I'm reading a lot in this subreddit about the manufacturer's coupon. I thought the manufacturer's coupon only worked for 2 doses before it went up to $700. Are you able to download new cards every few doses? How are people making that work long-term?