Am I In The Wrong For Being Mad At My Dad For Not Letting Me Sleepover At My Boyfriends House?
For some background, my boyfriend and I are both 20. We met in our freshman year in a mutual class and shortly started dating. We've been dating for about a year and a half now. We both dormed our first year and would have a lot of sleepovers. He dropped out of college after our first year, and I continued to dorm for one more semester. We continued doing sleepovers during that time. My boyfriend and dad have met a few times and gotten to know each other a bit. My boyfriend at the moment is working two jobs and hasn't been able to go to many events that my family invites him to. I commute at the moment, which takes about an hour, maybe an hour and a half on heavy traffic days. I usually see my boyfriend 2-3 days out of the week when I go to my college since he lives really close to the campus, and I usually hang out with him after I'm done going to classes and going to my campus job. I also have a job working for this company that has me working with my aunt. It may sound a little confusing, but I don't want to give too much away in order to keep this as anonymous as I can. I pass by my college in order to get to my aunts house. She lives 30 miles away from my campus in the opposite direction from where I live. During no traffic, the drive to my college is 30 minutes, and my aunt's house is an hour away.
Ok, now into what happened today. My boyfriend and I were discussing going to the LA County fair this Saturday, and we were able to get free tickets from a friend of his who ended up not being able to go. I work on campus two days out of the week, and I work with my aunt one day out of the week. My aunt needed me to switch my working hours to a Thursday, which is a day I work on campus, so I decided it'd be a good idea to save gas and sleep over at her house on Thursday night. I'm switching my work hours on campus to Friday instead, and I figured since my boyfriend lives nearby, I can stay over that Friday, and we can go to the LA County fair on Saturday (since it's close by) and then go home later that day on Saturday. So basically drive the 60 miles to my aunt's to work, stay over at her house, leave Friday and work on campus, sleepover at my boyfriend's house that night, go to the fair on Saturday, and finally go home that same day.
I had my best friend, who's like an adopted daughter in the family, at my house playing a new card game we bought. My brother was also playing with us when my dad got home from running errands. This is how the conversation went. "Hey, Dad, I'm going to the fair with blank, and we were planning for me to spend the night on Friday". He proceeded to say that I didn't have his permission to go to a sleepover and that I should've had this conversation with him in private since my friend was over. I continued on and explained that I'm an adult and there are many things I don't think I need his permission for. We continued to go back and forth on this conversation for 20 minutes. My best friend and brother left the room halfway through the conversation. To summarize what my dad said during this conversation was that he thought that it was best I didn't sleep over because he hadn't yet met my boyfriend's mom, not knowing where they live, claiming he didn't know my boyfriend that well, and me still being his dependent and living under his roof. A lot more was said that is a little more personal that I won't be sharing, but he did mention that he appreciated I was honest and told him the plans and that he understood I'm a hard worker and isn't upset or mad at me for this conversation. He mentioned that he would've preferred my boyfriend to drive down here and ask him himself so that my dad can also finally have a conversation he's apparently been wanting to have with him. He left to the living as I tidied up my mess in the kitchen. I then made my way to my room, when he stopped me and told me again he thinks what he's saying is the right thing and that he's not upset or mad at me.
I went into my room and cried out of anger and frustration. I called my boyfriend and explained what happened. After hanging up, I also called my aunt to vent to her. She said she won't go against what her brother's rules are and that I should just put up with his rules, and if I don't like them, I should save up to move out. My best friend came into my room, and we proceeded to talk about what happened. She and her mom (she was outside on the phone talking to her mom about the situation) are on my side. My boyfriend messaged me asking if it would be ok for him to drive down so he can ask properly. I went out of my room and told my dad, and he proceeded to go to my room and ask to get him on the phone. I texted my boyfriend, telling him to be prepared and that my dad wanted to talk. I called, and the following is a summarization of the conversation that happened. He told my boyfriend his point of view and, at one point, explained that he wants me to follow my goals and not get sidetracked with any mistakes we might make together, such as getting pregnant. He explained how we should've gone about it a better way, and this situation doesn't mean there won't be future sleepovers or future potential opportunities. My boyfriend was agreeing with my dad, and eventually, my dad saw how irritated I was getting at the conversation and finally ended the call and left the room.
My friend and I talked about what happened, and I texted my boyfriend about his thoughts on the conversation. My boyfriend agreed with my dad to help ease the situation, but he is also on my side. I personally feel as though I should be able to sleep at my boyfriend's house and that some of the points my dad made were unjustified. I'm not 15 years old asking to sleep over at a guy's house, I'm an adult telling him, not asking, that I'm planning to sleep over at my boyfriend's house. I've told my dad where they live, and I've mentioned his mom a few times, so he knows a bit more than what he was telling me. I guess my dad wants to physically see the apartment and meet his mom, but I feel as though I'm too old for him to feel the need to do that. Of course, I understand he wants to meet my boyfriend's family, but it feels like he's being too protective. Thinking so much of the what ifs and what could go wrong, even though the area where my boyfriend lives is safe, and I've basically lived over there for a year and a half now. He's also visited a few times, and a family friend even attends there. Even if all his concerns were discredited and he did see the apartment and met my bf's mom the concerns would still be there regardless. I also thought it was so embarrassing that my dad was basically having the sex talk with my boyfriend and I at 20 years old. It's so unnecessary considering we've both experienced this talk individually with our own parents long ago, and have both taken sex ed, and I even took a human sex class my freshman year. So now I'm here to ask the internet's opinion on my situation. Am I the asshole here, is my dad the asshole, or is everyone the asshole?