Bipolar parent (a vent)
Hi! I’ve been on the hunt for a Bipolar related subreddit to find like minded folks who understand! This is great. So, first of all, I’m 32, M, who has moved back home to save $ after living away for 5 years, and soon to be moving overseas. I currently live with my Mum, who has been living with Bipolar since she was 24, and who is now 74. Living home has been a boon for my finances, however, for my mental health, not so much.. living in close proximity with someone who struggles daily is both confronting and exhausting. Mum unfortunately has to contend both with Bipolar, but now also age. I’ve noticed a considerable decline in her mental state (i assume age is to attribute) resulting in her having many stints in Hospital. Ive managed to organise carers for her (government funded) as well as a mental health nurse to make house visits every fortnight. I don’t control her finances but I do however, make sure she’s not spending lots of money. I hate for her to loose autonomy.
She’s spent many years relying on the men in her life, who in turn control her, and manipulate her into thinking she is not capable. I’m really wanting her to gain some autonomy in all aspects of her life, which is hard. She constantly makes poor decisions, she prioritises a friend that has stolen thousands of dollars from her and manipulates her (and who has attacked me on several occasions, both online and in person when confronted), she constantly smokes cigarettes(which here in aus have become incredibly expensive), and she is has developed a serious eating disorder (refuses to eat). Recently her mental health has dropped rapidly due to me leaving, and I fear what will happen when I’m gone. I just don’t want her to get robbed, or taken advantage of.
Mum also has to contend with my father (who was abusive, and is a deadbeat) who is trying to weasel his way back into her life, saying that he can look after her, which I know is all manipulation. He constantly belittles her, and makes her feel like she’s not capable (he does the same with me, to no avail lol.) Coming home, I’m forced to confront my mental health, I was diagnosed with having PTSD as well as contending with the fact I was emotionally neglected as a child, this year, which I’ve finally accepted (i spent years denying it). For years, this had affected my relationships (both professionally, romantically and platonically), however, I’m slowly coming out of it.
Unfortunately, I carry a lot of resentment towards my Mum, i both love her, but also I’m exhausted. Years I have been her personal therapist, as well as her friend, she wasn’t my parent and when she’s low she can be very cruel, and is prone to screaming at me, for which she will never apologise. I just have to accept it. I really do love her, but when I hug her, I cringe, and feel icky. When she tries to be affectionate i comes off stiff and I just feel awkward and shut down. The resentment is really hitting me a lot lately. I feel awful, and I’m petrified of what life will be like for her when I’m away. The guilt of the resentment is also eating me up inside. Sorry for this long post. If you guys have any advice that would be lovely!