My mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder many years ago and has been on several mood stabilizers for a long time. I’d like to hear from others who grew up in similar situations and understand how it affected you emotionally long term.
I don't know how to start but I'm 16 years old and I have 2 brothers. I'm taking care of my brothers, the house now and even back then in the pandemic when she had her first manic ep. I really don't know what to do, I'm losing my patience around her and I feel like I'm the mother in this house.. if that makes sense.
Anyway, she keeps going out of the house—going to God-knows-where, leaving me alone with my brothers. When she does return home, she keeps ranting and talking to the point her voice is hoarse. And it aggravates me. She hasn't attack me or my siblings, but the last time was a week ago, she legit told me that she would kill me and kicked me out of the house to go to my dad's, since she claims that I favor that man over her after I told her to stop talking about him and just let go of hope that he'll apologize. (They aren't together anymore, my dad is also the trigger to why she's bipolar back in the pandemic since around that time they broke up.) And I'm taking it back rn, she just started ranting about people who has at fault in her life and started calling me judgemental for defending my relatives who are at 'fault'. The shit are literally from years ago, and I've heard the same shit over and over again.
But anyway, I've raised my voice and stood up against her before. And I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to endure this like before.. so, what I'm asking is, would it make me a bad daughter if I just.. leave her and moved into my dad's place? And by the way, my uncle (mom's older brother) literally told me to take care of mom. It's ticking me off that most of the adults I know are relying on me to take care of a grown ass woman. Sigh. Am I overreacting? I probably had a few grammar mistakes since this woman is ranting and playing music on the next room. Sigh
Okay to give context…. I 20yo F, have lived under my mothers roof my whole life and starting in middle school she started controlling me worse than a helicopter mom. Had apps to shut off my phone, went through my phone everyday, would track me everywhere I go and so on. To this day it’s gotten better to an extent. She tries to still control me like I’m 15 and will say she’ll beat my a** if I go out without her permission and spam called me at 2 am when I fell asleep and my boyfriends house calling me a wh**e and to come home immediately (we are 5 mins away from each other).
Okay now to my question because for years I’ve wanted to move out because I feel like my mother has put a decline on my mental health and don’t get me wrong we have our good days but our bad are bad. Literally told me today bc I stayed over at my boyfriend, 20 yo, who I haven’t seen in a month bc he got a travel job, if I have the same behavior again she would give me a curfew…. At 20 years old.
My boyfriend has known for years that me and my mother’s relationship wasn’t great. And tonight he is stranded at the airport because the weather is not the best and my mother said I wasn’t allowed to leave this house unless I wanna get my a** beat when I get home. He’s now giving me an ultimatum that if I don’t move out of her toxic house and move in with his family so that I could finally work on my mental health by the end of the week he says he will leave me because he believes That I wont ever be able to leave because she manipulates me into feeling bad for her or any other excuse to be stuck under her rule.
Me and him are talking about moving into an RV together so that he can travel for work easier and etc in August so like 3 months. So im asking if I can just wait til then but he is scared that I’ll back out if I dont do it this week. What should I do?
I’ve already messaged my sister and friends to help me move but im terrified of what the results will be if I do decide to do this.
I will return any questions if any are asked do context purposes.
I have been designated as my “mother’s keeper” since childhood. My father literally told me that it’d be my fault if my mother didn’t get discharged from the psychiatric hospital if I didn’t get her to take her meds because apparently a grown woman is going to listen to a 12 year old… It’s exhausting that every time she displays odd behavior, I get phone calls from family members asking if she’s in an episode. It’s exhausting that I have been given the responsibility of HER mental health when I have my own to worry about. I unfortunately also have bipolar disorder and yet, her diagnosis takes precedent because it disrupts everyone and everything around her. I also hate that it feels like I have to do damage control after she lashes out at people because she’s paranoid. Then, she guilt trips me and claims that I always take everyone else’s side. I’m just exhausted.
Have you ever experienced any guilt and self-doubt about whether or not you’re doing right by your parent? How do you handle any lingering resentment from the past?
Hi guys this is my first post and idk if anyone is going to see this but my mom has bipolar 2 disorder. She is an amazing mom and I know that she is trying her best. She has had trouble all her life since she only got diagnosed in her later life and she is always trying different medications, even though she tries to take medicine and get better for me and my brother it always just feels like a losing battle. There are weeks where we are really good and she’s being really nice to us but there are other times where she is explosive and borderline abusive, she has said very nasty things to me and my brother that I don’t even want to remember. Im an adult now and I’ve gotten better at distinguishing when she is not medicated because that is when it gets bad, Im just having trouble knowing how to help her cope or not to set her off, it’s gotten harder and harder as I have aged and it’s almost like her behavior when she’s unmediated has become more personal If that makes sense. When she gets out of these “moods” where she’s abusive she always apologizes tearfully and I know she doesn’t mean most of what she’s saying. We have had multiple conversations about this but it seems to all go void as soon as her behavior starts again. I am really at my breaking point and I know she is too, if anyone has advice or has a parent with bipolar then please let me know how I can make things better for our family.
Me and my mother have a very strange relationship. She complains about everything I do. Like she’ll give me a lecture on how I’m inconsiderate and selfish I am. So I’ll listen to what she says and really be more considerate of her. And she’s complaining because I wasn’t considerate how she wanted me to be.
She calls me names and makes fun of me and belittles me constantly. And she does this in front of my child. And when I crash out she finds it funny. Like I’ll beg her to stop and to leave me alone. And she won’t. And she wants me to crash out on her because she expects her out of me. I still struggle with the mean things she has said to me to this day
I’m terrified of her because she will do anything or say anything to get her way. Even if it means hurting me. She’s threaten to call CPS on me twice because she didn’t get her way. And she doesn’t care how it made me feel.
She is super manipulative. And no one believes me on how she is at all because she has a very nice job, very nice to others, and really just an all around fun person to be around. But behind closed doors she is a nightmare
I also feel like I can’t escape her or talk about it because she knows everyone. Literally I was out at the bars with my friends and one of her friends saw me and told her I was out. Like I feel so trapped.
She has bipolar 1 and I have 2. And I’m so afraid I’ll do my child like that. That’s one of the reasons why I’m in this group to hear about other peoples experiences with have a BP parent. I don’t want to cause my daughter so much harm because she doesn’t deserve that. I put the work in to be a good mom to her. I just hope it’s enough. I don’t want her to hate me like I hate my mom.