r/raisedbybipolar

Our 19 year old daughter is bi-polar. She’s a wreck financially and keeps going further and further into debt. She has payday loans more than she makes in a paycheck and 2 new credit cards showed up in the mail.

We’ve tried helping her and I co-signed on her lease so she could learn how to manage her finances. She went off medication a couple months ago and now she’s not paying rent.

Lease is up in 3 months. I don’t want to co-sign on a new lease. But, I doubt she will move back home because she can’t do everything she wants to do due to rules at our house. We don’t want her out on the street or couch surfing but it seems like we are just enabling at this point.

Anyone have any suggestions?

for context: she just got out of the hospital for a manic episode (her 2nd longest, 3 weeks baker acted). she seemed okay-ish for the first 2 days of being home but now on the third shes back to showing signs. signs include:
believing shes going to boston (shes going in circles in spring hill florida right now).
believing the band smashing pumpkins stole my birth certificate and broke into her car
believing shes a famous pop star on the run
reckless driving
singing loudly in any setting (night day public or private. she loudly sang in the spiderman movie theater and got kicked out).
blocking me, saying im attention seeking, denying a sexual assault i reported a long time ago

i decided to go out to lunch the movies and to get a piercing with her earlier today thinking she was doing better to celebrate, but she started talking in nonsense and recklessly and dangerously driving, so i convinced her to park and ran and hid inside a bathroom until someone else could pick me up. shes been sending me texts calling me manipulative and saying im lying about her being manic for attention, aswell as calling my grandparents to tell them the same thing, but they agree with me and understand shes manic.

recently, she blocked me due to me demanding she take her medication. i told her i wouldnt speak to her or see her anymore until she took it. now shes telling my grandparents and her friends (and even tried telling my partner) that im the one not on my meds, that im lying for attention, that im an evil manipulator, and that shes a victim of my “abuse”. she even claimed that her ex boyfriend, who sexually assaulted me, didnt do it and that i faked that for attention.

i know shes projecting but its devistating. were waiting until tuesday to get her psychiatrist to send her back to the hospital but until then i have to avoid her at all costs. can someone comfort me please and give me advice? i refuse to put myself through this again.

I’m feeling exhausted and burnt out. I (28F) have been on the receiving end of my mom’s bipolar for many many years. For context she has a brain injury from an accident when i was a toddler, but family members have said she always been kinda crazy. The brain injury definitely does NOT help. She’s diagnosed with bipolar, delusions of grandeur and anxiety/depression.

Here’s a small list of things i’ve seen her do during a manic episode over the years. Instances from 2013-present. She’s getting older so she doesn’t do some of the more wild things anymore, but still makes concerning decisions.
-turn to alcohol to feel comforted
-skinny dip drunk in the local pond
-blame me for things going missing
-called me mean names when we lived together when i was a teen
-extreme paranoia (blocking all cameras with tape, covering windows)
-selling drugs with me at home, getting in fights with people she screwed over and expecting me to help.
-became best friends with my ex boyfriend
-venting to me about all her problems
-extreme love bombing, telling me i’m the reason for life, im the only reason she’s here still (i’ve seen attempts)
- seeing bugs under her skin and actively trying to pick them out
-doing drugs with homeless people (she’s od’d and been resuscitated luckily) said “oops silly mom, i won’t do that again”
-feels like she “isn’t getting it” and constantly asking me how i get it, how my lines match up and hers don’t

I love my mom, i try to be the best daughter but
i’m genuinely wondering if there are any people that are in their 30s-50s that have had a bipolar parent, does it get better? Am i supposed to just accept what i’m given and deal with it? Even at the expense of my own comfortability and mental health?
If she needs help and i can’t do it she’d always say she would do anything for her mother.. which feels like a guilt trip. I’m just exhausted and want to know how other people deal with this. I am an only child, she does not have a partner and my family doesn’t really help, and all of the responsibility has always fallen on me. I hope anyone else dealing with this is doing okay, thank you for reading this far if you have.

My mom (50) is bipolar and I'm currently 22F uni student visiting my parents for summer break and I'm struggling to adjust to her once again. To be fair, she is pretty functional now and leads a normal life. I still depend on my parents financially, my mom currently owns and manages an airbnb which is really not easy for a person with her disorder, interacting with the public and stuff. Overall I'm very proud of her, she's also very creative and she even directed a documentary that was mildly successful. I can get past many things that she and my dad (not bipolar but a total manchild/unstable in his own way) do, like being negligent and messy, borderline hoarders in a house still unfinished (we have light bulbs just hanging out from cables, one of two bathrooms that's used as a storage/dump because they never bothered to buy a sink etc) --> All of this affects me in a "minor" way cause as long as my room is tidy and i can concentrate on my assignments, i can cope with it for limited amount of time. What I still can't handle at all is the times when something clicks and she essentially stops being my mom and instead becomes a person determined to hurt me at all costs. I feel very bad for her cause today she heard about this woman in our hometown who just died in her 60s, she wasn't dear to any of us in particular but she had bipolar and wasn't treated for it so she basically turned into this village freak and died alone. I know she probably saw herself in her in a way and maybe is scared to end up like her, I didn't know how to comfort my mom when she talking about this woman so I just expressed general empathy towards her and pretended not to understand the connections she was subtly making. I don't know if that was the right thing to do. Anyway, for the rest of the day she was just restless and angry at everyone, kept fixating on minor problems without ever stopping (my dad buying the wrong coffee machine/some interaction with someone where she felt she was being judged) i just listened to her and said very little. Then she wanted my help with something, she was gonna make her dress shorter and needed me to find the point where she would cut it, i was on the floor trying to pin her dress where she said she wanted it and she kept yelling uncontrollably at me saying that i was doing it wrong or that she couldn't see what i was doing while also moving around making it impossible for me to get it right. I'm not zen, actually far from it, when I'm at home I have anger bursts that look very similar to hers because I never really learned how to deal with her. I cry a lot and I'm very sensitive and I think I still haven't accepted that she's not a typical maternal figure despite trying her best. I know I didn't inherit any mental illness that runs in my family because I'm only like this when I'm around them, I have a bf of 3 years and we've had probably a total of two big disagreements since I know him, but with my family it's a daily thing to yell at each other and when it happens I feel myself regressing back to a child and my eyes fill with tears instantly. I'll have a minor disagreement with my mom and if it's a bad day for her she'll turn around and call me names like useless, stupid or evil. Sometimes she'll go and dig for something random that I did when I was a child or teen to get back at me and prove how mean spirited I am. She knows what buttons to push to hurt me and she'll absolutely do. It's also insane how quickly her perspective changes when she has bad days, she'll bring up something she was comforting me about in the days before and suddenly use it against me: comforting me about failing an exam vs a few days later blaming me for it, or telling me "that's why XYZ doesn't like you anymore" when days prior to that I was telling her about a friend who inexplicably stopped talking to me and she was being really sweet about it. I genuinely can't tell which side she stands on at that point. I also cannot have, in any way shape or form, a constructive conversation with her. She's always in the right. Sometimes I wanna address stuff while keeping chill and peaceful and she'll go nuts and start yelling. Sometimes she recognizes she's wrong but she's never apologized before, she'll just switch back and do something nice for me out of nowhere like bringing me an iced tea or buying me something. Idk how to deal with her anymore and neither does my dad who also has many many faults and is hard to deal with as well.

I'm sorry for not having a straight point in my post and for the probably weird syntax but I'm writing through tears. I just wanted to vent into a safe space like this and if you have any advice I'll welcome it with open arms otherwise don't worry about it I already feel kinda better

I (24, F) and my mom (55, F) don't have a great relationship. She used to verbally and physically abuse me (not SA, "just" to beat me a lot). She was never there for me, for example when I was 12 one of my friend killed himself and when I was crying about it she just gor angry at me. She is also addict to marijuna. We got estranged during many years (from my 15 to my 21) but I decided to give her another chance when I was 21. Since that we've had some ups and down let's say but now she is threatening me : she wants to kill herself because she is'nt happy with. her situation. She lives in a shared flat and suddenly she wants her own appartment with like separate bedroome, kitchen and living room, with a garden etc the problem is that she doesn't have the money for that (budget of 700 euros in Paris) so when I tried to tell her that it's not possible and that she needs to be more relaistic she said that her life had no sense of and that she was gonna kill herself. She refuses to seek medical help and she refuses to lower her expectations plus she says she wants the new appartment in max 3 months but she doesn't want to be the one too look for it. She says that if she doesn't have her new appartement she will either come live in my flat and that if i don't accept it she will end up in the street and kill herself. I absolutely don't want her to live with me but I also don't want something bad to happen to her.... any advices please ? I'm so sad with this situation, I also suffered from PTSD and depression because of what she made me go trough, I've battled with these two mental health issues for quite a long now and at this points I just want a normal and happy life

tw mental illness

im 17f. and today was an actual mess. ppl say to not bottle ur emotions like i care but i actually shouldve because look where i am now.

my mother is mentally ill. like bipolar ocd npd bpd. she is also unmedicated and refuses to seek help and does not believe in therapy. and she didnt leave me with any mercy because im mentally ill. shes also very physically ill. eczema periodontitis fungus infections gut problems. having to grow up with her and her constant panic attacks and manic episodes and crisis situations and yelling and screaming and running away and constant complaints about her health despite not seeking proper help has made me an excellent therapist to the point i dont think i’d needto get a phd or whatever to be one. she successfully managed to make me independent when i was a kid, to the point where i now dont rely on her at all. i handle everything i possibly can myself, im taking on all my own finances, i have a job, im starting college, and im getting my license so i can get myself around and away from her. she would complain that i dont do anything, now she complains that i dont need her because im finally able to do my own laundry without her telling me to wait until her laundry day even though i have work the next day and i need to wash my clothes. or that she cant drive so she cant take me anywhere. or that i dont want her to comb my hair anymore because she drags the comb through my scalp and pulls off the five hairs i have on my head. she complains she has to do chores. i do said chores. she complains that she doesnt do choreS. this is an ongoing pattern for years. and she cannot realize she is the cause of her own distress.
today was my breaking point . i am so aware because of her of how fragile and vulnerable terrible mental health can make you. i have helped her as much as i could, to lift the burden off of her. she is older and is not accepting that she grows weaker. and she feels useless. i understand that. i am as patient as i can be. she yells at me and i stay silent but i literally cant anymore. i finished setting up my room because we moved in. she tells me to take my cds and gaming posters off the wall. okay wtv fine i do it. then she complains that i dont throw it away. then she complains about flowers my gf made me (she would be furious if she knew she was my gf cuz guess what! she is not accepting of it!) and tells me to throw them. i tell her ill throw anythjng else. she kicks me oit of my room and goes through all my stuff, makes a trash pile withoit telling me, and then complains again when i come in and say what r u doing i literlalt organized everything yesyersay. i have to beg her for 2 hours to please let me keep the flowers. i throw any other thing she wants me to. and she finally gives in and walks away. my siblings are out of state and im trapped in the house and she wants to give me trouble. she has ltkerallt ran from the house twice this week. i have to chase after her. she kicked me out the house for an hour and then calls me to say come have dinner. like what i dont want ur food. then she goes ahead and . guess what. COMPLAINS ABOUT COOKING. then complains about me eating. and complains about me not eating. what do u want from me. lkke please tell me. i try so hard to give her everything she wants but she misses the fact that im no longer her obedient pet child that i was when i was 9 years old. like no. sorry im trying to keep you alive and healthy and stress free but you are ruining it for yourself.

on top of that, my college classified me as nonresident and my tuition is insane. even though im a resident. and on top of that two classes arent part of my degree plan. even tho the advisor said it would be. okay yes its very late to register at this poijt but i was busy moving this whole summer and i had to get the meningitis vaccine which took me a whole month to find a clinic i’d get it for free because its 200 dollars i dont have. and my tuition is above what i get from fafsa, so???? obviously i need to fix that. i have to do all my stuff myself and my moms stuff and then deal with whatever stuff mt siblings need me to do. or deal with their complaints that they do so much and im too young and cant understand.

and i call my girlfriend and i literally have tk lkke. turn my camera off and mic off and tell her ill be back because i need a second. and i immediately just break down. i feel so bad because i want to talk to her but i literally have no energy in me and i love her so much but im literally dead. inside. and i cant even tell her all of this because i dont want her to worry. esp right now she has her own issues to deal with and she doesnt need my snobby snotty face in the camera.
this is the last day i can call her in a while. becuz on top of all this mess, my sister saw her and mines msgs becuz she went through my phone while i was sleeping. i had to convince her what she saw wasnt what she thought cuz shes also heavily against it. she made me go no contact with her but ive been secerely contacting her. but my sister comes back tomorrow which means i cant text or call my gf as often as i’d like. i try to text her whenever i can but its so hard sometimes cuz im busy dealing with all this family and my stuff or my sister is nearby or i just dont have the energy. i love her so much and i know she deserves so much better and i need to be better for her.

my life feels like a mess. but what if im just exaggerating and its not that serious. sorry im a mess i havent even said what im asking for.

what im asking for is. what should i do about my circumstances. how can i be a better girlfriend. how do i get out of this house as soon as i can. how can i manage my emotions better so i can function properly. i cant even afford a laptop for college right now and im trying to save up whatever i can because im gonna major in engineering and i need a laptop. since im even talking about that if anyone has cheap good laptop recs thatd be great. sorry rhis is random im kinda bawling mt eyes out.

tldr my life is a mess

I'm (20F) Autistic and currently live on the same property as my Bipolar 1 Mother (57F), and growing up with her was a living hell. If you ever watched the movie Tangled or have just seen the villain of said film, she was her cranked up to 11. she always made up stories about how Both I and the world were dangerous and the best way to keep me safe was locking me in the house (unless I had to go to school, Dr's, etc) for the majority of my life. she also was (and still is) very vindictive. she can't use technology for shit, but would gladly shut the power off if I so dared to "Talk Back" to her. she would also occasionally be physical when Really manic, once faking a minor injury (her justification was that she was on blood thinners) just so she could beat me up and claim self defense. police came that day and never penalized her.

she also sent me away to mental hospitals multiple times for "severe manic episodes", when in reality I was having sensory overload from a sunburn or from her being a flat out jerk to me. and the worst part is that she faked my symptoms to my first psycologist, and I had the fake bipolar diagnosis for over 15 years just so she could force me to take the drug Lithium Carbonate, which destroyed my body in the long run (I gained so much weight I was considered obese for the majority of my life, I can't go 1 day without drinking 1.5 gallons of water a day, etc.), and made my emotional symptoms worse. she is still convinced I once had bipolar disorder to this day. Now I currently have the aforementioned autism, C-PTSD, and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) that I am currently seeing a therapist for.

Recently she has stopped taking her usual medication due to other health problems, and has lost her mind. she had a fight with my dad right in front of me and I sided with my dad as she was being a jerk to him. She claimed we were "emotionally abusing" her and stormed out of the house. that afternoon she went into my living space (a mobile trailer home on our shared 5 acre property) and trashed the place to get on my nerves. the next day when my dad went to the grocery store, my mom called me names like "Lazy", " Ungrateful", "Stupid", and more to irritate me, than threatened to kick me out (I do have a job but don't make enough to live on my own), knowing all those words are triggering for me. and that sent me into a blind rage. I don't remember much during that period other than a scream and a impact sound, but the last I remember after I blacked out was being driven to the ER by a police officer. apparently she called the cops on me to try and get me arrested for attempted murder, and used already existing marks on the door from a prior paint job to justify it. the cops didn't believe her and never put anything on my criminal record, but now she's trying to file a PFA order against both me and my father for conspiring to kill her for her money, which is not true in the slightest. I immediately filed one against her too because I'm done with her and her petty bullshit. once this is over, I'm moving out with my dad and he's going to file a divorce against her.

I'm just hoping that in the future, I can maybe have a more distanced yet platonic relationship with her, but in the meantime I just want space for the sake of my mental health and her sanity.