r/raisedbybipolar

I honestly don’t know where to start, but I really need advice from people who actually understand misophonia because I feel like my life revolves around it now.

I’m a teenager and I’ve had misophonia for years, but it has become progressively worse. The biggest trigger is sniffing, but there are other sounds too. When I’m triggered, it isn’t just irritation. It feels like my entire nervous system goes into panic mode. My heart races, I become overwhelmed, I can’t think straight, and all I want is for the sound to stop. It’s like my brain treats the noise as an emergency even though I know logically it isn’t.

The hardest part is that everyone around me hears “just a sound.” They genuinely cannot understand what it feels like because, to them, it’s nothing. To me, it feels unbearable.

My little brother is my biggest trigger. He sniffs constantly, and I’ve asked him so many times to stop. I’ve explained it calmly, I’ve begged him, I’ve gotten frustrated, and eventually I end up shouting because I feel completely overwhelmed. I know he isn’t always doing it on purpose, but sometimes he’ll respond in a mocking tone like, “What?!” as if I’m overreacting or being dramatic. Whether he means it that way or not, it makes everything so much worse because I already feel guilty for reacting.

My parents are exhausted by it too. They get frustrated because they don’t know what to do anymore.

My dad actually has been supportive in many ways. He knows this isn’t me choosing to be difficult, and he has helped me through it a lot in the past. But sometimes he still expects me to block the sounds out or cope better because, from his perspective, they’re tiny noises. I don’t think he fully understands that my brain simply doesn’t process them the way his does.

My mum is more complicated. and BIPOLAR!! Sometimes she’s incredibly understanding and tries to comfort me or help me avoid triggers. Other times she loses her patience completely. She’ll tell me to calm down, tell me I’m overreacting, or get angry because everyone else has to adjust around me. I know she’s probably exhausted too, but when I’m already overwhelmed, that reaction makes me feel even more alone.

The worst part is that everyone thinks I’m improving. I’m honestly not. If anything, I feel like it’s getting worse. I think I’ve just become better at hiding how distressed I actually am because I know people are tired of hearing about it.

This has affected my mental health massively. I constantly dread family gatherings, holidays, meals, car journeys, or simply being in the same room as certain people because I know I’ll probably be triggered. Instead of looking forward to things, I spend my time wondering what sounds I’ll have to deal with and whether I’ll be able to escape.

I’m currently on holiday visiting family, and instead of enjoying it, I’m spending so much of my energy trying not to get triggered. There are lots of people around, lots of noise, and very little space to get away when I need a break. I genuinely dreaded this trip before it even started.

I’m waiting to access therapy, but it’s taking a long time to arrange.

I also struggle with depression alongside all of this, and they make each other worse. When I’m triggered repeatedly, I don’t just become angry. I become emotionally exhausted. It feels like everything piles on top of each other until I start wondering how I’m supposed to keep living like this. I’m safe, and I’m not actively suicidal, but I often find myself wishing I could just disappear from this situation or start my life over somewhere quiet where my brain could finally rest.

I’ve also struggled with self-harm, and I’ve realised that my misophonia is one of the biggest factors behind it. When I’m triggered over and over again with no escape, my brain reaches a point where it feels completely overloaded. It’s never about the sound itself anymore—it’s about the hopelessness that comes from feeling trapped in my own environment. There have been times where the constant triggering has left me feeling so overwhelmed that I’ve had passive suicidal thoughts. Not because I truly want to die, but because I desperately want the pain, the panic, and the constant state of alertness to stop. I don’t have plans or intent to end my life, but living with this every day has genuinely made me question how people cope with it long-term.

One thing that hurts is that I don’t think people realise how much energy it takes to deal with this every single day. By the time I react outwardly, I’ve usually spent ages trying to ignore it first. People only see the frustration, not the internal battle beforehand.

Does anyone else have family members who simply don’t understand, even if they genuinely care about you? Has anyone found ways to explain misophonia that actually helped their family understand it better? And if your misophonia has progressively worsened over time, did anything help stop that cycle?

I feel incredibly alone with this, and I’d really appreciate hearing from people who actually understand what it’s like.

Hi! I’ve been on the hunt for a Bipolar related subreddit to find like minded folks who understand! This is great. So, first of all, I’m 32, M, who has moved back home to save $ after living away for 5 years, and soon to be moving overseas. I currently live with my Mum, who has been living with Bipolar since she was 24, and who is now 74. Living home has been a boon for my finances, however, for my mental health, not so much.. living in close proximity with someone who struggles daily is both confronting and exhausting. Mum unfortunately has to contend both with Bipolar, but now also age. I’ve noticed a considerable decline in her mental state (i assume age is to attribute) resulting in her having many stints in Hospital. Ive managed to organise carers for her (government funded) as well as a mental health nurse to make house visits every fortnight. I don’t control her finances but I do however, make sure she’s not spending lots of money. I hate for her to loose autonomy.

She’s spent many years relying on the men in her life, who in turn control her, and manipulate her into thinking she is not capable. I’m really wanting her to gain some autonomy in all aspects of her life, which is hard. She constantly makes poor decisions, she prioritises a friend that has stolen thousands of dollars from her and manipulates her (and who has attacked me on several occasions, both online and in person when confronted), she constantly smokes cigarettes(which here in aus have become incredibly expensive), and she is has developed a serious eating disorder (refuses to eat). Recently her mental health has dropped rapidly due to me leaving, and I fear what will happen when I’m gone. I just don’t want her to get robbed, or taken advantage of.

Mum also has to contend with my father (who was abusive, and is a deadbeat) who is trying to weasel his way back into her life, saying that he can look after her, which I know is all manipulation. He constantly belittles her, and makes her feel like she’s not capable (he does the same with me, to no avail lol.) Coming home, I’m forced to confront my mental health, I was diagnosed with having PTSD as well as contending with the fact I was emotionally neglected as a child, this year, which I’ve finally accepted (i spent years denying it). For years, this had affected my relationships (both professionally, romantically and platonically), however, I’m slowly coming out of it.

Unfortunately, I carry a lot of resentment towards my Mum, i both love her, but also I’m exhausted. Years I have been her personal therapist, as well as her friend, she wasn’t my parent and when she’s low she can be very cruel, and is prone to screaming at me, for which she will never apologise. I just have to accept it. I really do love her, but when I hug her, I cringe, and feel icky. When she tries to be affectionate i comes off stiff and I just feel awkward and shut down. The resentment is really hitting me a lot lately. I feel awful, and I’m petrified of what life will be like for her when I’m away. The guilt of the resentment is also eating me up inside. Sorry for this long post. If you guys have any advice that would be lovely!

TW: talk of suicide

My mother is currently being on psych hold. My brother and SIL took her to ER Sunday because she has been talking about killing herself. Dr had her admitted for observation and SIL called to give me info so I could come see her before she was admitted. 

I have been NC with mom for 2 years.

I really appreciate SIL let me know. I need to add that brother and I do not have a close relationship. I told SIL I would not be coming to see mom due to the impact it would have on my own mental health. I shared with SIL a brief psych history and which drugs I know mom has been on over the years.

How stupid am I for feeling guilty for not visiting? Mom definitely needs help but will she get the care she needs if she isnt honest with her Drs? This whole thing has me spiraling even though mom has used threats all throughout my childhood when she wanted attention and I am thinking this is one of her latest attempts to attention. I recognize it must be treated as serious and appreciate brother and SIL for seeking help for her.

Just needed to share with anyone who can understand. Thanks.

So for context, the relationship between my mom and dad was never that great. He’s always mad, yells, criticize everything me and my mom do. Recently they started going on dates more (which they never really did) and stuff. Today i called them to ask how long will it take us to go from destination A to destination B and said i hope it won’t take much longer than normal because of the high traffic and my dad started complaining that i was complaining (i wasn’t even complaining bro) and the my mom couldn’t hear me (the signal wasn’t working or something idk) and she hung up and called me again. I andwered “yes” in a bit higher note (i did not yell) and my dad started yelling and being so mad that i “yelled” and started bringing up other stupid things i usually do, which wasn’t necessary and then i said calmly “why are you talking just to talk? I didn’t even yell” and he got VERY mad and started yelling at me and even at my mom for trying to say something to him and then my mom started yelling at me too. And he always does things like this and suddenly my mom started taking his side more and i feel like i am going insane. Am i the problem? If not, what should i do?

I 36F was raised by a bipolar mum and an alcoholic dad (he was never present and they eventually got a divorce when i was 12) . She was diagnosed late by her 50s but before that we lived in hell, if she is not bed depressed, she would be dramatic and fighting with her family … i was the docile daughter her confident and i learned to make myself small to avoid the tornados… now i struggles with generalized anxiety, constant guilt when i try to put boundaries, she manipulates me by lying about her health ( as i live in another city) she is always faking that she nearly died ( she plays on my traumas as my dad died and i never really got over it) or she threatens to kill herself … i have been in therapy for 6 years now and my anxiety is a little bit better but when she says or does something my anxiety hits the roof.
Now the problem is that she is 70 and heavily medicated and when the doc try to decrease the dosage she refuses which affects her cognitive abilities and causes confusion and she lives alone . Im torn between i need to put boundaries to protect myself and my family to live a happy and healthy life and btw my head saying that she doesn’t have someone else and im responsible for her and that she needs me …. Anyone in a similar situation ? And have you managed to live without the psychological control?

So first I would like to preface by saying I understand I’m and teenager, but this is genuinely my last resort and I need any advice. I am losing my mind. So I am 16(f) and my boyfriend 18(m) and he is light skinned (this will make since later) and we have been together for almost a year. So my mom Has always been a lot and any inconvenience that has ever happened in between her and my dad or her and my older brother, she has always taken it out on me and my little sister like she just come home always pissed off or yelling nonsense. And she has always been pretty strict, but she has never been like this before and wasn’t even like this at the very beginning of my relationship. so it all started back when there was a very bad storm in January and everyone was snowed in and my boyfriend had to get snowed in over here. And one night when we didn’t have power, she went off yelling calling me a bitch and telling me how I better not get pregnant and she hopes I start bleeding if I have sex while my boyfriend was sitting there next to me, just listening to all of it, watching me cry. By the way, she was screaming us across the house. We were not in the same room as she was yelling this. There is a lot of other times when she would get mad like very mad screaming how it’s not fair to her that I get to be cuddled up with my boyfriend watching movies when she can’t even do that with her man because he lives in a different house and my dad is not that affectionate. They’re always arguing. And when there was a situation at my boyfriend’s house and he ended up getting kicked out for almost a month and so my mom let him stay at my house and he did sleep on the couch that was her rule and he followed it. During that time, he went to work with her and respected her. And he ended up feeling like he was over staying his welcome and found another place to stay but still showering over here cause there’s nowhere else to shower and we told him he was welcome to do that about a week after he was staying somewhere else I had gotten a text from somebody trying to Break me and him up starting rumors saying that he was using me all of this and I of course got upset. But I wanted to know the truth before I went and told everybody and turns out it was a lie. So that blew over and since then she started acting really off and that is understandable. She does want to protect me. But as time went on, things started to go back to normal and we would all be able to hang out in my dad‘s shop and throw darts, make jokes and just laugh. and we would go on the boat and just have fun but every time my boyfriend will be hanging out with me at my house and her not be home. She come home and just always be in a pissed off mood cause it’s always something about my dad and my brother. Never something that me and my sister have personally done. so out of the entire time that me and my boyfriend have been together he has left my house twice because she has came home yelling we’re upset and so of course he didn’t wanna be in the middle of it and be uncomfortable. No one would be in that situation. so she took it as us trying to be sneaky and just her thinking we’re doing weird shit and I see how that looks to her but this is happened twice. And the second time he left, when she came home upset she started screaming in the driveway when he was pulling out “don’t ever fucking come back to my house.” Never once did she think about us sitting down and talking about it. She just started screaming and when he left, she turned and started yelling at me on how weird I was and how weird he is and I told her that the only two times that he actually just left was because of how she is acting right now. So then she had called my brother because he was already on the way to our house and told her that my boyfriend was never allowed back. And my boyfriend and my brother passed each other while he was leaving, and my brother tried to run him off the road without even knowing what just happened. And when my brother got to my house, my mom and him both were just yelling at me about stuff that didn’t even make sense. then my brother got in my face yelling how they’re acting this way because they care about me and he’s been through the same shit with his girlfriend. He’s trying to get me to understand. him and his girlfriend have been together for two years. His girlfriend has gone to our house maybe 10 times and now he lives in her basement at her parents house because basically the same thing my mom is yelling at me for. And where my breaking point was was when she started saying that the only reason he cares for me and listens to me is because I fuck him. And word for word said “you just love sucking ni**er dick” and by all means I am not racist and my parents have black friends, then she’s gonna try to act like everything‘s okay not even three days later. so maybe a week after our last conversation. I barely talked to her because every conversation with her turned into an argument. I finally did and told her that she was being a very unreasonable and took it away over the top and she told me he is only allowed to come over if she is there, and I am never allowed to go back over to his house. I don’t understand why she she’s doing this. my boyfriend has never done anything to hurt me or done anything for my mom to hate him. I’m starting to think she’s a little racist, but she was never like this at the very beginning of our relationship. Even seven months into our relationship she still loved him. I really need some advice because I am losing my ever loving mind and I need someone else’s point of you on this because I have no one else to talk to.

I’ve been dealing with a psychologically abusive mother for years and I’ve recently started to get help for it and I just don’t know how to accept that it “isn’t my fault.” All I hear is that it is my fault. That my family sees me as a narcissist and that it’s highly likely that all of what I’m perceiving by her is my own narcissistic personality disorder and that I’m an extremely skilled manipulator. I don’t know how to accept when my therapists say it’s “not my fault” when it’s always being shoved down my throat that it is.

I don’t really know how to format as this is my first ever post but I’ll try my best. I (17M) live with my mom (41F), grandmother (71F), and little sister (7F). Seeing as my grandmother has dementia and my little sister cannot stay home alone, let alone with a dementia patient, I tend to be home 90% of the time to take care of them. I don’t mind it at all despite how my mom may perceive my view on taking care of the 2.

Me and my mother have always had a on and off relationship my whole life. Seeing as we’ve bounced around homes with abuse in ever household, we’re very close. But she also tends to let loose her anger on me and only me. I am not able to work so she takes care of everything financially, and I take care of literally everything else. She throws everything she does for me back in my face as if I could do anything about it. I’ve always been the type of person to just sit and listen whenever someone goes off on me so it never bothers me.

What bothers me is when she goes through her switches. Just yesterday we were having a good day, laughing, joking having a great time. I thought everything was going well. She hadn’t had an episode in a few weeks and we’ve been good for the most part. But just today, she told me that I never do anything and that I can’t do anything even when I try. I make sure my mother never had to do anything when she gets home except lay down and go to bed. She throws hurtful insults at me and will remain in a state of anger for days on end. And then one day she’ll switch and go back to being good. I’ve spoken to her about this before and she dismisses my feelings and assumes I’m just trying to get under her skin.

I don’t know what to do. The constant resentment despite me doing everything for her my whole life and always being there for her is starting to become too much.

I am sorry if this is messy - its my first reddit post and english is my third language.

I hope this is the right thread.

I have and always had many problems with my Mom, so I dont really know where to start.
I want to start off with saying that my younger sister (19) and I (22) had everything we ever could have imagined. Our parents always provided everything for us. Materially we had everything a child should have and way more.

Emotionally not so much. Generally I remember my childhood being very tense. I remember threats of being hit and in some occasions that it happened, but my parents now deny it and I am missing great chunks of memory.

Before starting school everything was fine and after that something changed, tho i cannot pinpoint exactly what it was. This will be mainly about my Mom, since she stayed home for a relatively long time while my dad always worked long hours and tends to just leave the room when things got tense.

• Grades/Achievements

My parents are first gen immigrants and it was drilled into me from a very young age, that education and success are the most important things in life. While this is true, I experienced immense pressure from the age of 6. She used to always ask for my friends grades and compare me with them. Using bad grades against me and saying things like: „This is my fault, I allow you too much“.
I very much became a very eager and ambitious person, but now also experience a great deal of anxiety, impostor syndrome, burnout and fear of being unsuccessfull.
At the same time, they expect me to have three kids at 25 and told me so on my 20th birthday. When I told them that I am not sure on having kids the answer was: Oh you just love to hurt your parents and you are so selfish.

• Privacy

We never had any privacy. They would take our doors away as punishment, search our rooms, go through our phones, vet friends, call friends‘ parents and so on. I wasnt allowed to even mention a boys name without it causing a scene and my parents going through my phone to confirm that I endeed did not have a boyfriend. We were not allowed to say no, ever.

• Body

We were always forced to eat up our plates or generally eat, whether we were hungry or not. At the same time my figure was always commented on. I was either eating too little or too fat the next day. I have body issues until this day.
She always comments on our looks. On what we should wear, how real women dress, what and when we eat, that we should not eat bread and rice, sweets and so on. Even tho she herself is not the slimmest figure.
I was also always told to dress modestly around my dad, to not wear shorts or always put on a bra because it makes him uncomfortable (which I dont believe).

• Fears

My mom has intense fears. When I dont answer my phone immediately she calls me 50 times in a row and gets all riled up thinking something bad happened. This is especially true for my little sister. We cannot go everywhere without her making a scene on how dangerous it is.

She also never takes me seriously. Whenever I tell her about something I have heard or read about she dismisses and disregards it. Two weeks later when she has seen it somewhere else, she tells me
about how cool/smart/interesting it is. When I speak about something that I am passionate about she babytalks me and says „oh you are so cute.“

• Fighting

I would say that my Mom is a very impulsive person who always has to have it her way. She always expects you to have the same opinion as her, always do what she says. When she gives „advice“ she expects it to be done like that. Not just with my Sister and I but also with friends and colleagues. She has had her fair share with problems because of that behaviour. When you do or say differently than what she imagined, she blows up. Screaming and Yelling at you, bringing up some made up problems she has with you, dragging your character through the mud and so on. She reacts like that especially when you come to her with a problem that you have with her. It can never be about my problem, she always turns it around and in the end its about how much of a shit person I am. When I bring up problems she loves to say stuff like: Oh someones in a Mood to fight again. She once called me a wild beast haha.
She always says that I hate my family, that I should just find another Mom since shes the worst anyway. She always brings up that she does so much for
my Sister and I while it is just the bare miminum as a parent to feed and clothe your kids.
When I just leaves she follows me into my room just to keep screaming at me.

My younger Sister moved to her boyfriend because of that behaviour because it was so unbearable to her.

• Relationship between my Sister and I

We have a pretty close relationship, but my Mom keeps inserting herself. Her idea of having a close relationship is going out together every day, which we dont do since we obviously have our own lives, but we talk daily and always help each other out. But because this is not her definition of a close bond, she keeps inserting herself. Mostly telling me everyday to call her, when I will finally organise something, if she ate, if she texted me, telling me that I should tell my sister to sleep over here even tho shes moved out. When I go out with friends she says why dont you bring your sister and so on. When I ask her to stop that she starts again with insulting me, saying that I am selfish and hate my family. That it is just us four and family is the most important thing. She just must always remind me who of my relatives to call, who to talk to, what to do in my free time and so on.
I think this is because she does not talk to her brother.

The most ironic thing to me is, that she has a similar relationship with her own Mom, but just does not see it.

I am now 22, studying law, living at home, and despite being an adult I still feel like I am treated as a child whose decisions need to be approved and monitored.
Now she wishes for me and her to have a closer relationship. She always comes to my room to hug and kiss me, always wants to chat about my private life and feels sad that I do not ask her about hers. I would like to have a closer relationship too, but I just get so tense and feel disgusted when she hugs me. I just cant bring myself to be close to her and that really bothers me. I always get so irritated and mean when shes around and feel really bad because of it. I am not a mean person, only when shes around.
I dont hate my mother. I want closeness, but something inside me pulls away.

Can anybody help me understand why I react so strongly to physical affection from my mother? Is this a normal response after growing up in a controlling household? And does my mother’s behavior sound familiar to anyone who grew up with anxious or emotionally immature parents?