Help!
I've had to cold turkey unsupported and I've been going through hell.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in November last year after struggling for two years with executive function following a new allergy to alpha gal.
Official copies of my medical records from him show no personality issues, no depression and just tipped into mild anxiety.
Initially it was a life changing miracle after the doubled the dose as initially it put me to sleep.
By April my ADHD Coach and Psychologist expressed concerns about my medication levels and to bring forward my 6 month review and 2nd appointment.
I was having trouble sleeping and I no longer found joy in my lifelong hobbies (mostly exercise and sports) plus music.
My psychiatrist told me that was normal and how most people felt about exercise and and to find new hobbies. He prescribed medication for sleep and noted in severe ADHD a small dose of dexemphetamine can be used.
He handed care over to my GP but didn't note any of my concerns.
June, I feel burned out and it's like my ADHD is ok but my dyslexia is preventing me doing anything. I feel like an engineering god though.
Early July, I'm in emergency with difficulties pooing and urinating and blood coming out my arse. CT and bloods fine but confirmed these are side effects of dexemphetamine.
Emergency told me only my clinical psychiatrist can alter my meds.
Trial stopping dose a day or two and symptoms eased. Gastroenterologist cancels further tests as cause established.
I spend 10 days from 8 July trying and failing to stop taking dex as stopping puts me in physical and mental pain with high muscle tension. Take more dex then run into those other issues. And mass mental fog.
ADHD × 10
Spend two days calling psychiatrist clinic and emailing them and get confirmation he is aware of the issue. In those two days I call all medical support I can find including drug rehab clinics and get told only my clinical psychiatrist can help.
On day 2 I'd woken up at 4:30am in pain from tense muscles and have to get up and move. I find my movements gated and I stutter. 5 hours later my impulse control is shot, and I'm irritable.
Online GP and addiction help line I drop in to see psychiatrist.
Reception tells me to go to emergency. I reply emergency told me only he can help. They tell me to take a seat and wait.
He refuses to see me despite his patient leaving and instead emails me from the room next door, to restart my Dex and see if my symptoms settle of a week.
I lose my shit and throw my phone on the floor with the email, stumble with gated movements and stiff left leg over to reception and fall over.
He comes out and asks me what's going on, I explain and I see realisation on his face and think he is going to help.
He said take a seat and he'll be back.
He comes back and said I've had a fall and he's called an ambulance.
No ambulance arrives, just the police.
He calls one into his office and they come back with a letter.
I get Section 22 apprehended and taken to hospital. On the way in the police car he emails me banning me from the clinic.
My wife starts messaging me madly, he told her I'd violently attacked his staff and was with the police.
Hospital asks me what's going on then discharges me saying they don't agree with him and give me a discharge letter and go through it with me.
They refer to his letter, he is claiming I was vocalising suicidal ideation and that he had been treating me for in addition to ADHD, depression and borderline personality disorder. His own records confirm negatives on all but ADHD and I'd seen him for a 1hr ADHD diagnosis and 30min medication review.
The hospital psychiatrist explains they can't treat me or alter my ADHD medication as only he could do that, but since he banned me I needed a new clinical psychiatrist.
So nothing new there, emergency can't treat me.
His letter also claims I presented to his clinic "in extremis" and immediately demanded to see him and the police were called. Ignores I sat in his waiting room for 20 minutes until I lost my shit being told to restart the medication that put me in emergency after trying to see him for 2 days because of it.
"in extremis" medically means close to death. Yet somehow the first thing I did before waiting 20 minutes was organise them to reverse a charge as they'd charged me twice for my last appointment, the reverse charge is on my bank records.
My official records from the clinic alter the letter to not have mention of BPD or suicidal ideation. It also claims I requested they call an ambulance.
The next day the muscle tension is so bad breathing is an effort. That might I wake up in sweats and struggling and my watch blood 02 saturation reads 88% but comes up when awake. For the next 24hrs it crashes down when I sleep and I have tense chest and throat off the Dex.
I take myself to emergency but get told again, they can't alter ADHD medication as it needs to be a clinical psychiatrist. Since I didn't have one now, it is going to be hell but I'll get through it.
Day 5, I went to a funeral and a wake, but was shocked at feeling joy again. It felt intense but what was most intense was the realisation that it had been missing so long.
The next week I barely remember. Just brain fog and struggling to organise myself to leave the house.
The next week, tried to do work but couldn't remember to do basic tasks I'd done for 25 years. Not the tasks I did, just the parts I forgot which included loading half my equipment into my ute before driving 2 hours where I needed the equipment so had to pay my neighbour to bring it to me.
But on Thursday morning I woke feeling amazing and was stunned to realise I'd had a dream. Not stunned by the dream, the realisation I'd not dreamed in months.
Next week, lost pissed off clients and business being impacted.
I'm still having nights I can sleep, tonight it's 3:30am and my muscle tension is really bad, legs, neck, jaw and curled fingers. It comes and goes depending on the day.
However my ADHD levels are back to what they were before the allergy developed and my allergy IgE has dropped from 13 to 1.
I've in the last 3 weeks seen two other psychiatrists who have to rediagnose ADHD first. $869 with the first, then won't proceed without my primary school reports from 43-35 years ago. Money gone.
Next guy ($750) rediagnoses and prescribes 30mg of Ritalin, 10mg 3 times a day. New clinic rings next day and says he left suddenly. I Google him and he's in ABC and sexually assaulted two women. I'm back to no psychiatrist and lost $1619.
Tried 10mg of Ritalin, initial relaxation then spaced out with jitters, resting heart rate up 15bpm and blood pressure spikes to 140/80 from 125/70. Buggers me the rest of the day. A single shot expresso now does the same.
At peak allergy and no meds, I could do three coffees a day. Pre allergy I was sensitive to coffee and same as I am now.
Seem to be sensitive to stimulants now, like normal pre allergy.
GP has no idea what to do. I'm looking to seek help from drug withdrawal clinic. Each week I think I'm good, the next week I look back and realise I wasn't. I'm still not right.
I've basically been unsupported since 21 July when I got medically abandoned.
Looking more online, my psychiatrist seems to have loads of complaints about over medicating and trying to have people committed. His LinkedIn profile also has posts of him complaining about being complained about. I've screen shot all his posts and made a stat Dec with them and a JP has verified them as true copies. I've also archived is posts on a secure server.
I'm exhausted, under financial and professional stress.
Not sure what to do...