Confused, venting a little, seeking advice? Maybe. No judgements please, came here to avoid that.
Hello, friends. I've been dealing with this in silence for some months now and I just need somewhere to get this off my chest where hopefully I won't be judged and maybe someone will understand. I don't know where else I could talk about this specific thing since it's not just a vanilla relationship issue.
I have been married for 6 years. When we're dating some of our flirting was definitely toeing the line of bdsm - particularly dom/sub and punishment related things. As we got more comfortable with each other I expressed certain things I enjoyed and wanted to try and my spouse seemed very excited to do these things. The more we tried and both enjoyed the more comfortable I got with role playing. My spouse enjoyed being in the dominate/disciplinarian role and I enjoyed the sub role/ being the one in trouble so to speak. This started about two years ago and picked up more over time. During this we still were having other kinds of intimacy and not just bdsm every single time.
I was under the impression that things were great, we would always talk and check in with each other. We videod and I could tell that they were really enjoying it. Then I started to notice a slight shift. A couple times when we had been texting flirting about some role play we were going to do later I would attempt to get it going later on that night and be met with almost annoyance. They started telling me "Okay, okay, we don't have to do this every time". It made me feel incredibly embarrassed. Or they would act interested but then all of a sudden it was like every excuse possible was being used not to be intimate. "I want to but this is happening or that's happening sorry I can't just make myself". I would always say something like it's okay baby, we don't have too. I genuinely tried to be reassuring and understanding because it felt like there was frustration there and I didn't want to upset my spouse.
Now things have slowed way down all together, maybe once a month if that. I've stopped pursuing as much because the rejection sucks and I don't want to be pushy. I try talking and get told oh it's just my new medicwtion or stress at work. But it feels like it's something else. I even asked if I freaked them out or something and they assured me no of course not. I'm so confused. I am worried that maybe they're not into that at all and maybe they were just faking this the whole time? Or maybe they think I'm some freak and theyre not attracted to me anymore?
I don't know what to do, Everytime I try to bring it up I get the same answer and if we are intimate every now and then some discipline happens but it's very fast and almost not enjoyable because there's like this urgency it seems to get it over with. Them out of the blue randomly I'll get texts that are flirty and of that nature and I get evenpre confused.
Has anyone experienced anything like this? Am I crazy? Are they just vanilla and I'm too freaky? Help!