Io sono abituata da sempre a scrivere una relazione sotto forma di mail o racconto verso la persona dominante con cui vivo un rapporto serio di spanking e/o bdsm.
Qualche volta ho pensato “mi piacerebbe avere un diario con domande a cui rispondere obbligatoriamente, per condividere tutto ciò che mi gira in testa anche quello che non vi viene di dire apertamente”
Che domande ci metterei dentro?
Beh prima di tutto all’inizio condividerei le mie passioni e paure verso le pratiche che conosco e vorrei che il mio dom mi mettesse anche le pratiche che non conosco per capire da me che ne penso apertamente .
Poi un diario con domande fisse che decide dal mio dom e perché no anche da me se voglio costringermi a condividere determinate cose.
Voi come sub lo fareste volentieri, lo fareste perché obbligati oppure non lo fareste proprio? Come dom vi interesserebbe avere questo tipo di relazione?

I am been recently craving bdsm sex, bondage, gag .etc but I know its a dangerous things. Apart from my hands being tied is there anything that i can experience alone while j masturbate. Legs tied or cock tied or gag ? I would appreciate some tips and tricks

Hello! I'm Nastya, and like many people here can probably relate to, I had a rough upbringing. I dont want to go to deep into it, but essentially everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. I have been in lifelong therapy, and for the most part has worked wonders in helping me live a normal, functional life.

I've been interested in the bdsm scene for a while, but my therapist has advised me to stay away from a lot more of the hard-core stuff for now. (I am lucky to have found a very sex positive therapist, shes the best, if I could shout her out I would.)

I've been with my partner for 2 years, and he's genuinely the most understanding people I could be blessed with. He went through the effort of researching C-PTSD and OCD to help get a better understanding of where my mind is at in some things and is an amazing advocate for me.

I absolutely adore disciplinary spanking. I'm not usually a brat, but in our dom/sub relationship, I will purposely bend rules just to have disciplinary, non sexual action taken. I knew there was some sort of link between me having bad days and craving a spanking. I brought it up to my therapist and she told me that some people find them really helpful for breaking rumination. After discussion, and some research on my part, I discussed it with my partner and we decided to test it out.

I had a really bad day, I couldnt stop ruminating on a situation. I told my partner and he spanked me. It was one of the harder ones I have received, but something really cool happened after the comfort and aftercare was done. The rumination wasnt gone, but it was quiet, and I was able to see my logic as convoluted. I was able to have a normal day when before I would have been super wired and anxious.

Not only that, but for the days following, as long as my ass was sore, I could break the rumination easier.

Now, we're considering a maintenance scedule, and that is Def not a problem for me, especially with my classes starting up again.

I would like to stress that I am not a medical professional, and this is just a personal anecdote, and what works for me might not work for everyone.

Has anyone ever had experience with therapeutic spankings or disciplinary spankings? Or am I just a fringe person?

Someone in my DMs recently reduced my entire sexuality to porn addiction, Reddit, and apparently a severe vitamin D deficiency and advised me to get off the internet and touch some grass.

So naturally, I did what any mentally well-adjusted person would do XD and started questioning the origins of human sexuality, kink, religious taboo and whether BDSM would be as mainstream as it is now if the internet never existed.

Obviously I know BDSM didn’t just magically appear with the internet. Kink existed way before Reddit, PornHub, dating apps, munches, and all the other ways people can find each other now.
What I’m actually wondering about is the rise and visibility of kink nowadays. Is having porn and all this increasingly accessible taboo/niche content actually creating more kinks, or is it just helping people discover and put a name to things that were already there?

Because honestly, I don’t know where I fall on this.
I think I had certain submissive tendencies before I even had the vocabulary for them (probably a completely unrelated consequence of being raised to be excessively independent and responsible >.<).
But at the same time, I can’t deny that exposure has affected me. The more I watch, read, experiment, and get exposed to different things, the more my interests seem to evolve.
Things that once felt extreme eventually feel way less shocking, and then I’m left wondering whether I was always capable of liking them or if exposure actually changed what I find exciting.

So was the desire always there, and porn/the internet just gave me a name for it and more to explore? Or can exposure actually shape and intensify what I’m attracted to, to the point where curiosity becomes a genuine preference?

And then there’s the religious/taboo side of it, which makes it even more complicated.
For some of us who grew up being told sex is bad, certain desires are forbidden, and you’re not really supposed to explore or even talk about these things, how much does the taboo/shame itself add to the appeal?

Maybe it’s just a combination of everything. Maybe some people are naturally more inclined toward submission, dominance, or switching and then upbringing, religion, culture, personal experiences, porn, and exposure all play a part in how that develops.

So my question is: if the internet, porn and BDSM content had never existed, do you think you’d still be kinky?
And if you were kinky before all of that, did later exposure change your interests? How big a role do you think the internet has played in your sexuality?

I don’t think there’s necessarily a simple answer. I’m just genuinely curious about how other people make sense of where their own preferences came from.

In hindsight, I probably should’ve just touched the grass XD

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I’ve been thinking about how people first explore kink.

A beginner often gets asked almost immediately: Dom, sub or switch? What are your kinks? What dynamic do you want?

But somebody new might genuinely have no idea yet.

What if the first questions were simpler:

I’m into this.

I’m curious about this.

I want to learn about this before trying it.

This isn’t for me.

Then labels could come later if they’re actually useful.

Do you think labels gave you clarity when you started, or did you feel pressure to pick an identity before you really understood your preferences?

I’m helping develop a beginner-friendly, consent-first kink education project, so I’m genuinely interested in how experienced people here think newcomers should be introduced to this.

I haven't been involved in the BDSM scene for very long, I'd say about four years. I still have a lot to learn and understand. I've had very good experiences online and especially in person, and over time I've met more people who practice it or are interested in it. My experiences have mostly been with submissives, and I've also made friends with other Doms, mostly male, but no female Doms. My question here is: At what point or for what reason do female Doms ask for money or some kind of "tribute" or economic dominance? I'm not judging anyone, much less criticizing; this all comes from genuine doubt. I'm a Dom, and it's never crossed my mind to take advantage of or do that with any of my subs. I suppose it's because the roles here are reversed. I know about this from forums, conversations, and someone else who mentioned it, but it's something I just can't understand.

I've been a mentor, educator, and participant in this community since the mid-90s. I've watched trends come and go. I've seen the internet democratize access to information (mostly for the better). I've counseled couples through their first negotiations and helped others dissolve dynamics that no longer served them.

If there's one thing three decades has made clear, it's this: the benefits of a healthy D/s relationship have almost nothing to do with the activities themselves and everything to do with the container those activities create.

Here are three benefits I've watched transform lives, including my own.

1. Radical Communication Becomes Your Default Setting

In vanilla relationships, you can coast on assumptions for years. In D/s, you cannot afford to.

Every successful dynamic I've witnessed rests on a foundation of explicit negotiation that would make corporate lawyers jealous. We're talking desires, boundaries, trauma histories, medication effects, sleep needs, financial stressors, attachment styles, the full human inventory.

This isn't just "good communication." This is architectural communication. You're building a structure together, and both of you need to know where the load-bearing walls are.

The transferable skill: People who learn to negotiate scenes effectively tend to negotiate everything else effectively, salary discussions, family boundaries, friendship conflicts. You learn that clarity is kindness, and ambiguity is where resentment grows.

Mentor wisdom: The couples who last aren't the ones with perfect chemistry. They're the ones who had the uncomfortable conversations early and kept having them.

2. Intentional Intimacy Replaces Passive Coexistence

Modern relationships often suffer from what I call "default mode", you're together because you haven't broken up, sliding into marriage because it was the next step, cohabitating because leases are cheaper.

D/s demands intentionality. You don't accidentally maintain a power dynamic. It requires active cultivation.

This intentionality creates a peculiar depth of intimacy. When someone trusts you enough to surrender control—or trusts you enough to accept your surrender, you're touching something ancient and human. The protocols, the rituals, the check-ins: these aren't accessories. They're the scaffolding that lets you build higher than casual connection allows.

The transferable skill: You learn that intimacy is constructed, not discovered. You stop waiting to "fall into" connection and start building it deliberately.

Mentor wisdom: The best dynamics I've seen treat D/s as a practice, not an identity. It's something you do together, not something you are. That keeps it alive.

3. Accountability Structures Foster Actual Growth

Here's what surprises newcomers: the dominant often grows more than the submissive.

Holding power responsibly requires self-awareness, emotional regulation, and consistency you might not otherwise develop. You can't take out a bad day on a submissive who trusted you with their vulnerability. You have to process your own stuff before you steward someone else's.

For submissives, the growth comes from clarity of purpose and courage. It takes guts to ask for what you need. It takes strength to serve someone well. The stereotype of the submissive as weak has always been nonsense—submission is a skill that requires tremendous internal fortitude.

Together, you create an accountability structure: the dominant is accountable to the submissive's wellbeing; the submissive is accountable to their own boundaries and growth goals.

The transferable skill: You learn that accountability isn't punishment, it's support. You internalize the difference between guilt (I did bad) and shame (I am bad), and you build systems that favor the former.

Mentor wisdom: Growth in D/s isn't about becoming a "better" submissive or dominant. It's about becoming a more integrated human who happens to express that integration through power exchange.

A Final Word From Someone Who's Seen It All

I've watched D/s save marriages and destroy them. I've seen it heal trauma and compound it. The difference was never the specific activities or the intensity level. It was always the emotional maturity of the participants and their willingness to prioritize the human over the role.

If you're exploring this, know that the benefits are real, but they're not automatic. They require the same work any profound relationship requires, just with different tools.

Thirty years in, I still believe this lifestyle offers something unique: a framework for exploring the full depth of human connection with structure, intention, and consent. That's worth protecting. That's worth doing well.

I’m pretty dominant but always been independent which is why I was pretty confused when I realized I was into Findom, it turns me on more than I thought was possible. The humiliation aspect is to die for. Having power over people’s finances and having a sub grovel over your feet? Ugh. I’ve come to love how submissive and helpless they are.

However, I’ve come to realize it’s far from normal, I don’t want to quit but is it something I should worry about?

Im in a 3 year-long relationship with my girlfriend. We have been non-monogamous since the start but only now she is starting to develop other serious relationships. I've been trying my best to deal with my jealosy and not put that burden on her, but something has happened that made me feel really shitty.

About 2 years ago, our relationship started to develop an ageplay dynamic, in which I was her baby. I simply LOVED IT so much, felt it made me conect very deeply with her and I really loved being taken care of. However, a few months ago, we had to renegotiate and decided she would not be my mommy any more. She told me she was feeling very overwhelmed by it and couldnt keep up with the intensity of it. I was a bit sad at the time, but it was ok in the end and we figured it out, even though I still would love for her to be my caregiver again.

Howrver, last week she told me a guy she is dating expressed an interest in ageplay and she was thinking about trying it out with me. She thought this was something not that important, but it made me feel really shitty. I told her that I couldnt help but feel jealous that she was doung something with anothwr partner that I really want to do with her and I kinda feel "prohibited" to.

She explained it was different with him, because he didnt like it the same way I did. I enjoy it in a very intense way that she cant keep up with, while he likes it in a more casua manner.

I understand her, but I cant help but feel very bad about it. I already dont like this metamour because of the way he treated her in the past and the times I had to support her because he was being a dick. And now she says she wants to start doing this dynamic with him that I really want to do with her...

She said we could practice eventually, and she needs a break from it with me. She said we could not have a relationship around it, but have sessions. However, it is still not clear to me how would this work, because at the same time she tells me this, she says she doesnt know how she truly feels about it.

For example, she said we could try making a session outside of her house. However, she explicitly said to me that she doesnt want to come to my house because of my parents and neither of we have money for a hotel or airbnb.

Yesterday we talked about it and I told her how I felt and she told me "I understand the jealosy and how you feel, but you know that thats something you have to figure it out by yourself, right?". And this made me feel very bad. I feel like I need her help to figure this out and find a solution, because its not a jealosy of sharing her with ankther partndr, but about the fact that he is allowed to do something I really wanna do with her and Im not.

I dont know, this is partly me venting, but Id like to know what y'all think about it. Im feeling that Im being a shitty girlfriend and "bad at non-monogamy" by feeling like this. Should I just focus on working on my jealosy or is there something that we could ajust in our relationship to deal with this situation?

I am writing this because I am genuinely confused, a bit stressed, and looking for some perspective from people who have been on either side of this dynamic.
I am a 51-year-old father. My daughter is 23. She is a smart, independent young woman, but she recently started dating a guy who is 41. That is an 18-year age gap. To put it into perspective for myself, he is much closer to my age than he is to hers. I must admit, I am struggling to understand how a relationship like this functions on a day-to-day basis.
From my view, the sheer volume of generational differences between them must be staggering. They grew up with completely different technology, different pop culture, and at totally different times in the world. When he was her current age, she was 5 years old. It throws me off completely.
On top of the age gap, this guy has what I can only describe as serious "bull-like" vibes. He is incredibly assertive, dominant, and carries himself with an intense amount of confidence. While I can see how that might be attractive, it also sets off my protective dad instincts. With his age, life experience, and powerful personality, I worry about a natural power imbalance in their relationship.
I want to be supportive, and I do not want to alienate my daughter by judging her choices. But I am genuinely curious about how this works.
For those of you who are in, or have been in, large age-gap relationships:
How do you actually find common ground with someone so much younger or older?
How do you bridge the gap between different generations when it comes to daily life and long-term goals?
If you are a partner with that dominant, "bull" personality, how do you ensure your younger partner still has an equal voice?
I just want to understand what their world looks like so I can navigate this properly as her dad. Any insight, advice, or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Dear fellow subs,

How do you handle typical bad faith from your dom or master ? You now when they say you will be punished for something not fair or they know you will fail ?

Maybe the punishment will not be that bad or will not be at all, but i really struggle with that because i do my best to be honest and always try. That put me in a bad mood, more than it should be. Do you just get used to it ?

I am 29F and this is my experience. I have been interested in kink for much longer than has been appropriate but I've never had a true real life experience with someone that knew what they were doing. Perhaps that's the reason why I have never been into it or into sex at all. I have even had partners offer and I just didn't have much interest in it at all with them. We would dabble but it always just felt incredibly awkward.

I currently consider myself a panromantic asexual, mostly because people don't turn me on in real life. I don't look at a naked body and feel attraction the way I think I'm supposed to. I currently am in the headspace that I find people attractive in their personality and the way that they carry themselves and I have found that I generally find people with a more masculine presence attractive because I tend to find them more dominant I think.

I have never orgasmed with a partner before at all, even with ones that knew what they were doing. I had one ex with a body count in the triple digits and he said I am the only woman that he has never been able to get there...

Obviously I take care of myself and that's fine. I read my little kinky smut and life is okay but I have this feeling that I'm missing out on parts of myself and that I might have a deep misunderstanding of my own sexuality. Does anyone else feel this way?

i'm 20, fairly new to D/s, and Dom-leaning. Right now I genuinely can't tell if I'm just anxious and inexperienced, or if this role doesn't actually fit me the way I thought it did.

I'm going through a rough patch in my current relationship trust and communication issues that have been building up. I want to take real responsibility and lead in this dynamic, but my anxiety makes it hard to act with any confidence, and I keep second-guessing whether the hesitation means anything real about the role, or just about where I'm at right now.

For those of you who've been through something similar how did you separate the anxiety from the actual fit? What helped you build real confidence early on, especially if you also deal with anxiety generally?

So me(F23) and (M24) had decided a while ago to open our relationship. This happened because i am an exotic dancer as well as we always wanted to explore other people, so i have clients and (M24) wasn’t messing with anyone.
Eventually he asked for a threesome for a little while it made me feel uneasy because even tho i have clients i didnt want him left out. Tho for me is it bussiness, old guys and for him a threesome is pure pleasure. In work i get no pleasure! Eventually i agreed and we had a few FMF threesomes. After our first threesome my fantasy of 2 males was made known!
But ive always always wanted a MFM! My boyfriends feels he can not give me a threesome with 2 guys because he feels he loves me very much and cant see another guy getting it on with me. To overprotective, selfish and maybe insecure.
I wonder why? Is it because he knows when im working im not interested in that person , a in a 3way id b attracted to that person? What yall think?
Should i end threesomes all together? Ive always had this fantasy and feel comfortable with my boyfriend(M24). The thoughts and wants dont go away and i dont wanna make him uncomfortable at any moment so ive backed away from the topic but the pain of the idea of 2 men id likee to actually enjoy is right in my heart! Advice?

Siempre me ha parecido interesante una contradicción del BDSM:

El dominante parece tener el control. Decide, ordena, dirige y establece la dinámica.

Pero, al mismo tiempo, el sumiso puede ser quien establece los límites, decide qué está dispuesto a entregar y, en última instancia, puede retirar ese consentimiento.

Entonces me surge una pregunta:

¿Quién tiene realmente el poder?

¿La persona que tiene la autoridad dentro de la escena?

¿O la persona que decide cuánto poder está dispuesta a entregar?

Quizás el BDSM no consiste simplemente en tener poder, sino en negociarlo, entregarlo, recibirlo y confiar en otra persona para manejarlo.

Y eso me hace pensar en algo todavía más interesante:

¿La sumisión es realmente una renuncia al poder… o puede ser una forma psicológica diferente de ejercerlo?

Me interesa especialmente conocer la perspectiva de dominantes y sumisos.

¿Dónde creen que reside realmente el poder dentro de una dinámica BDSM?

for context I am 18F and am fwb w a guy 27M . He usually calls me baby during sex and I wanted to call him daddy during it bc I feel like it would signify that im his sexdoll and would be hot since he's a lot older than me .However I get that a large amount of men find that title gross , and I would like to preface by saying that I do not have a daddy kink nor am I a little or want to do roleplay or wtv( not that there's anything wrong w that ofc) I js simply find the title hot however I am unsure whether he will be grossed out by it and I would not find it as fun if he's not turned on by it asw . Additionally he does have and has used bdsm equipment in the past (although not on me )and has choked me without actually harming me during sex so maybe he would not be to opposed to the idea and might like it . Idk tho do ygs think he's most likely going to find the Daddy title hot . do u think I should ask him and if yes how should I go abt doing it .

pls also let me know if this is not the right sub to post in n ill move it somewhere else x

I think I have quite an imagination for sexual activities and I think I am ‘educated’ in bdsm activities. I like similar things as my spouse, but I don’t want to actually do it as much so he thinks that I am faking my interests. Have you ever faced that? I love him to the fullest and I am satisfied always, but I mainly like to fantasise rather than actually do it. Any recommendations?

Hi guys,

so I (30F) have a spanking fetish since I can remember. When I was growing up I felt like a freak because of it and I worried a lot whether I could ever have normal sex and lead a normal life. When I figured out I could have sex and enjoy it, could have good relationships, etc. I also started to accept it, without ever living it out. It was just my fantasy and that was ok.

However, when I think of the things I want to do before I die I do think of wanting to get spanked by someone at least once in my life. I mean, it is an integral part of me, so wouldn’t it be kind of sad to miss out on that? Also, when a friend would ask me what I ask you guys I think my answer would be: Go try it out.

However, it is not that easy for me. The fantasies and the urge to masturbate to them comes up a lot more when I struggle with things in my life. It is definitely tied to low self esteem and shame. Like, what turns me on is the thought of feeling ashamed while getting spanked. But also, in my daily life I don’t want to feel ashamed of myself, I want to carry the responsibility for myself instead of being „punished“. I worry that if I give in to my fetish I give in to those feelings of passiveness and self hate. And I worry that these feelings could take over my life, leaving me unable to function the way I function now.

In addition to that, I am not sure with whom I should give it a try. My partner is lovely and we talked about it briefly once, him reacting very positively, like he would be open to try it. But then, since I am very much scared of the feelings tied to it, I would prefer to live it out with someone else, so I can „separate“ these feelings from my life. On the other hand, as I am kind of a control freak, the thought of giving up control with someone I know only a little is scary, too. And would I really be able to really „separate“ this part, without developing feelings for the person, since I am definitely not casual about it?

What I am trying to ask for is not so much advice as your experiences. How was your life before vs. after you lived out your fetish? How did it change you? How does it relate to other parts of your life?

Thank you for reading this, I appreciate it.