r/BDSMPsychology

first, it's not an offense for girls who like being brats, it's more like a thing of mine I struggle to deal with

I’m a guy who really struggles to grasp certain nuances (I’ve even wondered if I’m on the autism spectrum), and I already find it hard to be dominant. If I’m in a sexual situation with a girl and she disobeys or teases me, I simply wouldn't know what to do; I wouldn't know how, or feel comfortable, while forcing her to obey or punishing her. and it seems like more and more women enjoy playing around in that gray area of ​​non-consent, I just don't know how to play along without getting too worked up.

There’s also the fact that I’m not exactly the strongest or roughest guy, I’m pretty skinny, so not being able to punish the girl makes me feel pathetic.

Been struggling mentally. Really could use a Daddy dom & some punishment to get my mind straight. Not sure why I’m posting here, just needed to vent and ramble I guess

I've noticed that "brat" seems to cover more and more ground these days — applied to any behaviour that steps even slightly outside what's expected or desired. It used to describe something specific: a deliberate kind of resistance within a dynamic both people understood, agreed on and wanted.
The provocation was the point; the pushback — part of the play.
Now it's applied to anyone who's simply being difficult for whatever reason. It's reframed around the person being inconvenienced rather than the dynamic between two people. Is it laziness, stuffing a specific, negotiated thing into a drawer cramming loose bits & pieces one does not know, or can't be arsed to find the proper use for?
Has it become an inconvenience dressed up in kink vocabulary?

Hello,

I posted this post in several other subs already and it made me wonder if this is actually some sort of (psychological) bdsm.

I just posted the very same post in the TrueOffMyChest sub, but it was removed. I hope I am not breaking any rules here.

Also sorry for my English, I am trying my best.

I am a 26 year old woman and all my life people have disrespected me. I think it has something to do with the fact that I was both raised strict + with emotional neglect by my parents; that I learned early that being quiet is the best strategy for survival (especially outside / in social situations) and that I was bullied at school for being an immigrant and also poor.

Do you know these people where you can just tell that they grew up rich, happy and probably popular ? And then there are those like me, where you can tell from the first glance that they are sad and that their lives were probably hard.

I don't want to turn this into a cry for pity, but this is just the situation.

For more than 2 years I have been in love with a man (38) that treats me like crap. What we have is barely even a situationship. He comes to my place every month or so and he sleeps over here. And then he leaves...and when I write again - he never writes first - he comes again.

He has told me some of the most painful things someone has ever told me. Including "I have the prettiest dancing girls around me, why should I be with you ? What do you have that they don't have ?"

( he is a dancing teacher)

He also said that he can smell it on my private parts that I have been with many men. He told me all men have this ability - to tell if a woman has had many men simply by the smell of her риssу and body. (I asked several men about this and they all told me that this is bs, he probably just wanted to hurt me)

But I still like it because he is attractive and popular and when I think about me 10 years ago at 16, no boy wanted to touch me. So, in a twisted way, I am grateful for him willing to have sex with me.

I have no idea how many other girls he is involved with. He may even have a family, I don't know.

The first time we slept together, it was at his place. I was on the last day of my period and I told him that, but he didn't care and basically pushed me to so it.

I decided to at least take a shower first and when I got into the bathroom and undressed, he had to come in to give me a towel. He looked at my naked body with a look no guy had ever looked at me before. A mix of dislike and annoyance.

After the sex he was disappointed. And then he basically made me leave in the middle of the night and didn't even want to pay the taxi for me, despite making much better money than me.

I remember how much that hurt me, although the memory of that evening itself is sort of blurry already because it was so traumatic that I guess I sort of dissociated.

But in a fuскed up way, I see him as a golden prince with his beautiful golden hair, and I enjoy it. Eventhough it hurts, and he will never want me.

But hey, at least "one of the cool kids" is willing to spend time with me. My 16 year old self would cry with joy that we came that far.

And I don't think I deserve more. I am not one of the pretty girls who work out and all of that. I am slim, but I don't work out and it shows. Men have always treated me like a second, third or fourth option and never like the girl they actually want. And maybe this is just the way it is. Maybe some of us are simply meant to be so low.

I could easily date someone else but all the other guys seem boring after him. He is also extremly smart, besides the cruelty. And I like that.

Hi, I’m here to get tips and comments.
Really new to kink IRL, but
I’ve read a fair amount here, and
I feel like I’m doing it in reverse.

I met a Dom on my second visit to a private play party. They pegged me with a couple of dildos, and then took my fisting cherry with my enthusiastic consent. I swore I was in love with them in the heat of the moment, but they left the party before me, but also found me to say goodbye.

We’ve been texting for a week now, and they commented how they’d be happy to do it again. So I was still feeling like we were going to date, and asked future date questions like favorite foods, etc. But now that I learned their name and FetLife profile, I see they are looking for a sub play partner.

I also ADHD’d out on them asking a stream of conscious number of questions about them and kink and whatever.

Do I now go ask the list of things about aftercare and safe words?

They currently have a slave, and a sub, and broke up with another sub a couple of months ago. And they were owned awhile back as well.

I feel like I’m painting a moving car.

I've recently been approached by an individual whose desire is to torture me sexually as he orally r*pes me. I have a history of being sexually abused by a male when I was young and now the thought turns me on to such an extent I'm actually considering visiting this individual and letting them do this to me. The thought now consumes my day and I'm having trouble concentrating on anything else, and have to masturbate several time a day just to get work done. I'm sure my co-workers are beginning to notice my frequent trips to the restroom (luckily where I work are individual lockable bathrooms or I'm sure I would have been discovered by now.) I also have wet dreams about it almost nightly (just for the record I am a middle-aged male.) I haven't been this continually aroused since my teens, and although this is not entirely unwelcome I'm very worried my psyche has flipped some switch and I won't ever return to "normal." I now also have to fantasize about this while having sex with wifey or I won't cum. If she knew what was really going or (or my desire to cheat on her) she'd leave me in a flash, so in addition to being a major work distraction this threatens to upend my entire life. So yeah, I'd def. call this an "obsession." But how do I get rid of it? How does one "purge" such an overwhelming thought? I take endogenous T and I've had the thought that maybe if I stop it these thoughts might have a chance to subside. Not sure how to proceed. Worried I might actually follow through (the individual and I are discussing logistics since they live a few states over.) Very unsettling.

Context: I've met my girl in a BDSM online group, 6 years ago At first it was only about BDSM but we gradually fell in love, decided we could live together and merge both worlds - vanilla and kinky. But several problems have happened ever since, based on her insecurities, my insecurities, family issues, and now we have been living together for three years, we got officially married this year and since then the routine and the sum of unresolved issues has ruined our kinky life - for me, there are no hurdles to a session at any moment of the day. For her there are always emotional things that can be solved prior to a session. Not doing the dishes or not setting a shelf over our bedroom turns into a toll for a kink experience, which is exactly what I didn't want to happen in a new marriage.

How do you (married) guys deal with this?

Oi, pessoal! Tudo bem?

Faz um bom tempo que me interesso por BDSM. Acompanho algumas páginas, participo de alguns aplicativos e, ultimamente, tenho conversado com alguns Doms que me passaram confiança e despertaram em mim a vontade de ter uma primeira experiência.

Apesar disso, nunca conversei muito com outras pessoas sobre o assunto e não tenho ninguém próximo com quem possa trocar experiências. Por isso, adoraria ouvir os relatos de vocês, principalmente de pessoas submissas.

Quais cuidados vocês consideram essenciais para se manter em segurança? O que é importante ter em mente ao conhecer alguém, marcar um encontro ou ir até um local? Existem sinais de alerta ou situações que vocês aprenderam a identificar com a experiência?

Gostaria muito de ouvir as vivências e os conselhos de vocês para me sentir mais segura e saber como agir caso alguma situação fuja do esperado. Agradeço desde já a quem puder compartilhar um pouco da própria experiência.

Obrigada desde ja ^^

I recently saw some tiktoks on how spanking kids is sexual assault…. Which made me question this. Do you think I have this kink because of this?

This is so unfair, I struggle with self esteem every day especially because it’s really hard for me to accept myself and the kinks I have… I’m anxious all the time and when I was a teenager especially I questioned what was wrong with me everyday.

If it’s because of my parents spanking me since I was a kid I think I will actually never forgive them.

(They know about my kink too and have openly shown disgust so I’m even more furious the more I think about this)

Hello friends! Not necessarily BDSM related, but lately I’ve been really struggling to feel desirable. Rarely do I get approached in public, men on apps kind of suck & I’m just feeling DOWN about it.

I know that I’m not ugly! I also think I’m pretty fun & have good energy. I’m educated, well read & intelligent. I know that I’m a great catch, but unfortunately no one even tries to hook me lol

I’ll be the first one to answer the question! For me, it is psychological first. Probably because I am M60. I am a sapio sexual being and believe the mind is the grestest thing to f**k

We met online and vibed really well, not just in kinks and fetishes, but also on a deeper emotional level.

Well, yesterday I got stood up.

Can someone tell me if ghosting is a new kink I haven't heard of?

my kink sexual desire don’t match my morals I don’t know how to explain. I feel kinda grossed out I’m into ddlg or like being degraded because of this guys I’ve actually dated are mostly vanilla and I end up wanting more and not being able to say it’s so annoying and I don’t know how to get over it. Any tips?

Thank you all for your replies, I took some notes and will work on your suggestions,thxxxxx:)x

what is it called if I enjoy seeing people in pain, but I only REALLY enjoy it if the person likes the pain being inflicted on them? Does this have a specific name or would I just call myself a sadist.

27F sub here. I'm currently in a country without an active kink community, or at least not one I've been able to find. I really miss being a sub. It's difficult because my options feel so limited when I'm this isolated. I just deeply miss it.

First statement on that: I'm not praising that ChatGPT can replace my flesh and bone therapist but that it can work as a very very effective co-pilot to map things that can be discussed with my therapist.

The two therapists I had in my life were aware of BDSM and I've talked a lot about it but they were not people who understood deeply what BDSM was. They have supported me with a lot of things that are still valuable for me but they could not understand subtlenesses on that, mostly because I was not able to describe them.

Near two months ago I have opened ChatGPT and created a prompt like 'You will be my therapist. Ask questions about the things that I'm disclosing to you and record everything so that I can see things in perspective later.'

I don't know if it's because of the power of AI or the power of anthropic, or if it's just about the convenience of being able to open my cellular phone at any time and dictate the things that are in my mind. Maybe it's the fact that I can ask ChatGPT to summarize everything I have said before so I can see it from a different angle - but a lot of things were clarified within weeks that could not be clarified within years.

Once again I am not praising that he can replace a therapist but he can actually help the therapist with inputs that they would not be able to have.

Did someone ever tried it out?

All right, y'all.

I need some perspective. I am a sub (31, F) but I am not a girly girl. I don't do makeup. I don't do cute outfits. I'm a tomboy. I'm built like a viking shield maiden. My last Dom was really interested in super pretty made up girly girls and I did my best, but I just can't pretend to be someone I'm not 🤷‍♀️ i'm really wondering if I belong in this community at all? I cannot compete with camgirls 🙅‍♀️ i have a life and a full time job lol. I do bring some things to the table, like a cheerleader attitude and lots of love through acts of service, but how will anyone ever find that out if they can't get past the fact I look like princess fiona from Shrek 😭

My sub (30f) likes the idea of me commanding her to strip and tell her what to take off and how fast etc. We haven't been together for too long and are somewhat new to d/s

Anyone with experience here?