Need advice
I’m looking for advice and maybe guidance. I’ll start with a bit of background as I think it’s important (sorry if this becomes a long post). I’m 42 and had a horrible past (will share more on this) when I was 17 I was thrown into the streets and meet a lady who helped me a lot and she introduced me to a guy who was a lot older than me and we all became extremely close. The guy became my rock and biggest support he helped me to accept my past and to live with what happened to me and he stuck by me for nearly 20yrs. Even when I moved states he always reminded me he was just a phone call away and I knew I could face anything knowing he would always be there for
Me. That was until he passed away suddenly from a heart attack. I couldn’t make his funeral as I couldn’t afford to pay for air tickets. I’ve had other close connections but never as close as the one I had with him. Over the years I’ve realised that the connections I’ve had I’ve always sensed the persons feelings and that’s helped me know if I can trust them. Due to my own fears of loss I’ve pushed a lot of people away. I had a really close friend and she developed feelings for me but I was to afraid to take the friendship to the next level and I lost her completely and we had a horrible fight. About 7yrs ago I moved to a small country town with my husband and kids and it wasn’t long after having my youngest daughter that my husband was removed from the home for harming my son. I’ve been single since. About a year after he left I met the local police officer, at first she was just another cop but as time went on I started to feel a connection with her and sensed she had feelings as well. It scared me as there was no physical contact and I’d never connected with anyone without that. At first it was the little comments she made to me or my oldest son. (For example that she was old enough to be my mother) she was older than me but age was never an issue for me as I’ve always gotten on better with older people. Then she really wanted me to trust her and it seemed really important to her that I trusted her. She knew I didn’t trust police at all but she wanted me to trust her. She also was the one to inform me my car was unregistered and my husband must of canceled it when he left, she told me she could fine me but wasn’t and would give me time to sort it. She told me once that she cared about me when I pushed her on that she said she cared for everyone in her community. I responded that I’d never be accepted into the community as it was a small town with small minded people who didn’t like outsiders. At one point my mother tried to have me charged with assault and this police officer called me and told Me she had to arrest me and take me in for questioning and asked if we could organise a time for it to take place (make sure I had babysitters) when she came to “arrest” me she came with another female police officer and a 4wd police car (Australia) no paddy wagon and no cuffs. After I was questioned she alone drove me home and i sat in the front seat. The charges were fabricated and i could of poven that in the questioning but I didn’t as i wanted to see if she would bring it up later when it was just the two of us but she never did. The serious charge was dropped and i was charged on a miner offence and got a good behaviour bond. After the hearing a few days later i was at the local store and she came in and started making jokes about how i was trouble with a capital T and i joked back i wasnt trouble i was good and even the courts agreed thats why i got a good behaviour bond, the lady who owned the shop jumped in and said i was definitely trouble in all Caps. When leaving the store the officer was outside and I asked her a question about my mother (she knew some of the history as it came out in questioning) and the look in her eyes changed from affection to sad/pity.
Which I wasn’t expecting or had anyone give me that look after they found out.
It effected me more than I wanted and I started to have nightmares on my past and when I realized they weren’t just nightmares but suppressed memories from a very young age I didn’t know how to handle it and I didn’t have my best mate to call I was lost! So I called her and she came to visit me and I told her everything and she tried to find a way to charge my mother but different states made it harder. She told me to apply for a restraining order on her so she could protect me if she ever came to the area. She really insisted on the restraining order.
So the next time I drove to the nearest bigger town I got pulled over by the police and they told me she contacted them saying I was on my way up in an unregistered car!! I texted her and asked why but she denied it and gave me the silent treatment! So I sent her a Detailed text about what happened (incase someone impersonated a cop) which she never responded. A couple of months later she bailed me up at the store and demanded we talk. Which I told her we had nothing left to talk about and went to leave and she then said if I didn’t talk to her she would send me a fine in the mail. So I called her out saying from entrapment to blackmail that she was in a roll and reminded her I trusted her and this is how she acted. She then blamed her actions on the uniform and deflected big time. All I wanted was her to say sorry she never did. She then acted as if everything was good. So I sent her a letter. I didn’t expect her to call me and ask to meet at a spot where no one used to talk. We talked and she made it clear that she listened to gossip and how others
Told her she shouldn’t be alone with me or i might make sexual harassment Claims against her, and commented she was old enough to be my mother i told her i would never do that and her age didn’t faze me, she threatened to turn her body camera on. She did open up to me about her own struggles and was in tears. I told her i understood more than she knew and went to hold her hand but i pulled back and she noticed. Things were ok for a while after that. Until she wanted to charge my young son for walking over flowers and i drove past her and didn’t stop at a railway crossing (i looked first it was clear) she caught up to me at the store and i refused to talk to her and so she followed through with previous threat and sent me a fine in the mail (she later withdrew the fine). I thought things were fine after that.
But she suddenly left not just the police but the area as well. I’ve reached out through messenger in the past but she has never responded. I want to send her a final message but not sure if I should