Is it okay if I want to distance myself from my family?
So this is a repost from AITA since I’m an idiot and didn’t read the warning thing 😭
But Okay so- I (18F) am starting to struggle being around my family. And I know that sounds bad because they’ve done so much for me my whole life- I’m more privileged and most. (I promise I’m not using AI I just use dashes a lot 😭)
But for context, my mom and dad are split up, I have two younger brothers and my dad is married to my step mom. Me and the 14 year old brother spend a week at my moms and then a week at my dads.
Ever since I was little I’ve been sort of parented by my mom because I’m the oldest. She used to scream a lot when we were younger and I can’t remember much but at one point I know she was in such a bad mood she left us to make our own food for dinner. And I had to cook for me and my brothers. I must’ve been about 10. We were not well off at all - the electric would be shut off and I had to give her money sometimes to put it back on, once a debt collector came to our door and I don’t think I’ve ever felt so angry at a completely random person doing their job. Which is probably why I have issues with spending money myself. But over the years she’s calmed down and she’s a totally different person now. She kinda treats me like a best friend and asks for advice now - sometimes she just vents about my dad too like how he’s just so unaware of people it’s ridiculous
My dad- he’s more of a control freak. He’s definitely more well of a better job, a better income. I think a lot of my resentment
Towards him comes from the fact he got the opportunity my mom deserves because my mom’s still struggling. But my dad is so serious, always on about grades, school, uni, money, how I have so much potential. Now I don’t know how he treats my step mom because he’s always ‘teasing’ her - and she doesn’t care but for example like he kept talking over her during dinner and I was looking at her waiting for her to finish what she was trying to say and eventually she was the one that asked what I was doing like waiting for you to finish your sentence that was interrupted 3 times? His jokes as well, mostly at the cost of someone else are not funny and he always looks at me like he expects me to laugh and I don’t. He’s always on about clothes too as a lot of split parents are I guess but it’s honestly crazy. Like he’s not okay with me taking a t-shirt from his house to my mom’s meanwhile I come to his with all clothes from my moms and she doesn’t care. He talks bad about my mom sometimes too and I can’t deal with it because he’s the one who got everything in life and my mom’s still struggling. Not too add another point like I’m listening them but he always misunderstands what I say like no matter what. I was just talking about how I said yes to having him on a really important document and he blew up and said how I said yes as if I didn’t want him on there and that he did everything for me he provided everything and he was there when my mom needed him to be like? Sir? I said I said yes 😭 is still don’t understand how he can take that the wrong way. But he’s always given me what I need and what I want, he’s great like that I’m never without anything- he got me my first car before I passed my test even though it’s completely broken now (it died and never started again). Even when I said I wanted a tattoo, and he immediately said in front of people that I will not get it on my forearm because it looks (the slur for a lesbian with a ‘y’ at the end) and I sat there looking at him because I am a lesbian, I’m gay. Not to mention he calls my brothers (the slur for a gay man) when he’s ‘teasing’ them.
My step mom is great, she’s great. I definitely won there. But sometimes she says things and I just want to leave. She says I’m socially inept which I agree yes I don’t understand a lot of sarcasm- I don’t know when people are Joking, yes I wore headphones in a pub because the world Cup match was on and it was so loud my eyes were watering and it was painful I was also about 13.
I think it might be important to note that all three of the have called me ungrateful and lazy throughout my whole childhood. It got to the point that my mom called it me a couple months ago and I started crying 😭 and she apologised (which is a shocker) but I walk everywhere now I never ask for a ride (I have a licence but no right now). They’ve all said that I’ll never get anywhere in life because I’m ’too shy’, I was shy but I don’t think you should tell a 11 to 16 year old they’ll never get anywhere in life because of it, my step mom had literally said I’ll be working cleaning toilets and showers (no offence at all to anybody who does do that, thank you for keeping them clean🙏)
But my brother, he went from calling me fat when we were younger (I was an overweight child) but he’s the reason I count calories in my head now, why I walk a lot too. But over the years he’s gotten so much worse, not to me but to everyone. He literally ran away for about an hour once at night in a pretty rough area- my
Mom was a wreak. He calls her names, swears at her, fights my other brother. I’ve had to stay on the phone once until he got somewhere safe around running away from my mom - when
She used to shout a lot. Me and my other brother just put our headphones in and tried to deal with it.
I’m going to university this year too, it’s three hours away , and my Dad is getting me loads of things for it. He’s saying he’ll miss me and it’ll be weird without me. But I can’t wait to just be away. And I know that’s not okay I just want to breathe😭 my mom’s already said she’ll be there a lot, and at this point I feel like she’s so dependant she will actually be. And I just want some breathing room.
I think it might be important to note that I used to be really depressed when i was 14 to 16. Like if I hadn’t been found with SH marks I wouldn’t be here. But I’m good now, sorta. I’ve just been in this state of like emotional numbness for like three years and so it’s kinda an optimistic numbness now like I don’t care about anything really and it’s a little awkward to mention now 😭 but I know I’m privileged- I know I’m more well off than others.
But sorry for all of that - I’d just like to know if it’s okay to want to distance myself from them.