u/Foriamlord

Hello, please critique the blurb below. I'm worried it comes across as a little click baity. Then, there's the structure. I could put the first paragraph at the bottom. Is that a good idea? Finally, it is a little long. Ideally, I'd like to shave about 50-80 words off of it. Any suggestions here would be appreciated.

The interests of two ladies collide at Avalon: the best school of magical learning in the world. One is the heroine of the story and the other the villainess. But which is which?

Aleisha Cameron of House Cameron wants nothing more in the world than to be presented to magical society. She loves the beauty and elegance of it. She loves to talk about fashion, art, literature and politics. She dreams of creating the most powerful house in Magical Europe but to do that she’ll need to find the right partner. One boy in particular draws her attention very quickly. A certain Mr. Sharpe.

To Rose Perkins of House Perkins magical society is nothing more than a gilded cage. She dreams of a world free from being forced to smile and hide her inner feelings; a life free from fake boring conversations and a system of patriarchal values that tell her the best she can ever achieve in life is an advantageous marriage. Still, there is hope. She has her secret boyfriend: Alexander Sharpe. In her Alexander, Rose has found a partner who understands her; a partner who’ll set her free but getting her father to consent to their marriage will not be easy. 

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It’s not her fault. Really! Her marriage was doomed from the start. Not because there is anything wrong with him. On the contrary: he’s kind, sensitive, sweet, rich and  handsome. He’s the full package. The problem is he’s her childhood sweetheart and she’s not a child any longer.

Follow Liz as she torpedoes her perfect life after a simple, seemingly innocent decision. Watch the train wreck unfold like a deer mesmerized by two truck lights that grow rapidly, moment by moment, as Liz’s attempts to spice up her sex

life spiral wildly out of control.

Watch as one small glance down the rabbit hole leads her on an adventure more wild than she could possibly have imagined. Wonder at how she never once looks back. But it’s not her fault. Really!