And one more thing...
I don’t think I ever said an unkind word to you the entire time we were together. But I don’t regret that last text. The only thing I regret about that message now is that in the heat of rage I neglected to include one salient thing: you’re a coward. It stays on the tip of my tongue, but I refuse to unblock you just to say it, so here we are.
If you never really loved me the way I did you, you’re a coward for not clarifying. If your feelings changed, you’re a coward for not being upfront. If you’re so broken that you genuinely did what you did in the end as some sort of self-sabotage, you’re a coward for not telling the whole truth and a coward for not ending it when I gave you the opening to do so sooner.
You were supposed to have my back, if nothing else. I wasn’t romantic enough to think you’d love me forever, if you ever did at all. But I truly believed at the very very least, you’d show me the loyalty and respect you give to everyone else in your life. Instead, I’m still reeling from the utter disregard you had for me in the end.
So many of the notes on here seem to fit our situation, because I guess I wasn’t the only one who fought for someone undeserving until the wheels came off. I can’t picture you writing any of them though because knowing you, even if you could muster up the most minimum amount of effort to take a shot into the void, you’d still only write the most vague, noncommittal thing and keep the main thing to yourself. Like always. And while it’s heartening on the one hand to see I wasn’t the only one foolish enough in love to fight so hard, it just adds to the pile of ways in which you’re also a mere cliche.
Boy, I’ll tell you, that line between love and hate? Immeasurably thin. I don’t look forward to that day 20 years from now when you finally work up the courage to send the apology I deserved, once it’s actually way too late.