being happy
i want to make geniune friends but idk how to socialize anymore ngl. like i do have friends but idk i kind of hate them except for like a few.(because i let some of them step over me, disrespect me and shit and talk over me and just so fucking annoying and stuff) but like i kind of forgot how to talk with someone. like what do people even talk about? how do people think of something to talk about with someone? im good with greeting then get awkward because idk what to talk about. then i befriend the worse talkatble people sometimes. and some of them kind of step over me and piss me off and throw shade. like i used to let disrespect or sum weird ass jokes slide because idek but i get thrown off but thought if i said something they wouldnt like me anymore but now hell nah.
i also want to respect and priortize myself more but idk. like i started positive talking and its starting to work but i kind of get insecure a lot and cant look at people in the eye a lot. and because i have something in my eye. and i have a really bad schedule and for a few days, everything is okay, im taking csare of myself then sleeping then boom. im back to my bad cycle again. doomscrolling for hours, not showering for 3 days or showering past 2am. and when i dont shower, i dont really go out and get really depressed, just doomscrolling for the day.
i want to not break the cycle and take care of myself properly, talk properly and be happy you know? and i want to know how to respect myself more and say things back to people because yeah, a lot of stuff happened.