u/FormalAnt7340

To summarise, I’m now a 15f that’s been bulimic since May 2024 and I’ve been clean now for around 2-3 months because I recently started with an acting agency and have been wanting to slim my face down. (essentially get rid of the swollen glands) My bulimia has always been on and off, but whilst not engaging in purging I’ve still been binging so my eating has never really been healthy.

I’m just so mad right now because last night I had vomited naturally simply from something just not sitting right with me (not even that much) but now my face feels just as big as before like all of my resilience was just for nothing. And now I’m thinking, is it even worth it? My face has barely slimmed down so it’s like all of this hard work I’ve put into not purging has gone to waste. I’m so tempted to relapse now, since I’ve come to the conclusion nothing changes all that much anyway. Especially with the stress of exams right now, I need something to take my energy out on.

Is it normal to feel claustrophobic in your own body? For reference I’m a 15f and this has probably been one of my freakiest depersonalisation episodes yet. It’s like I can feel my skeleton inside of my body and I just want to get out of this skin suit I feel so insanely trapped and it’s making me so panicked. Every time I look down at my limbs or press them against each other I get hit with this sudden wave of distress like, oh my god this isn’t my body at all. I’ve been covering myself up so I don’t have to look and trigger myself again but it’s beginning to happen in my face where I feel like my eyes are trapped in these sockets or my jaw is trapped behind this layer of skin and my lips.

Not going to lie I’m so terrified. I just want to rip open my skin and get myself out of this suit I’m trapped in.