Relationship advice
I’m a 22-year-old male who’s been with my 24-year-old boyfriend for 3 years now. During the first year of our relationship, we would alternate hanging out and sleeping over at each other’s houses. I would hang out at his house with his family sometimes, and he would hang out at my house with my family. I have an amazing relationship with his mom.
After about a year or so, his dad moved back into the house with his family. His dad doesn’t know about us and thinks I’m just his friend from school. After he moved back in, I eventually stopped sleeping over because he was there, and my boyfriend didn’t feel comfortable with me sleeping there while his dad was around. I still go to the house from time to time, like after school or work, but I have to leave before he gets home at night.
Also, side note: I decided to tell my dad about our relationship even though I don’t live with him. I never had the best relationship with my dad since he’s more religious and tends to have traditional beliefs. Nonetheless, I still decided to tell him because I felt like it was the right thing to do if I still wanted him in my life. It took him a while to get used to it, but eventually he started warming up to the idea of me being gay, and he even met my boyfriend. It’s still a little rocky and strange, but back to the situation.
Anyways, it’s been 3 years and he still hasn’t told his dad about us. I would occasionally ask him when he thinks he would decide to tell him, and he would always give me somewhat of an answer like, “Soon, maybe in a couple months,” or, “I’m waiting until I finish this and then I’ll tell him.” I didn’t want to feel like I was forcing him to come out to his dad, but the other day while we were talking, it came up again and he admitted that he was never going to tell him.
This made me upset because I feel like I’m being kept a secret. It also feels unfair that he comes to my house to sleep over anytime, but when I hang out at his house, I have to leave before 9 PM before his dad gets home.
I don’t know what to do because when we were talking about this over the phone, he got irritated and called me selfish and said I was forcing him to tell his dad. Then we ended up just hanging up the call there.
We usually have a routine where we call each other, but today I decided not to call him. Then he called me later asking why I didn’t call him. I was dry with him and gave him the cold shoulder, but he wanted to act like nothing happened during our previous phone call.
Also, his birthday is coming up in a couple days, and I don’t want to bring this up on his birthday. But at the same time, I also don’t want to pretend that everything is fine when it’s clearly still bothering me.
I truly want an unbiased opinion on what I should do. Am I being selfish? How should I handle this situation?