(31F) Seeking advice.
Its my first time posting here, I'll do my best to explain it because English isn’t my first language.
(31F and 28M, I'm from the EU, he's from the U.S.)
Begin 2026, I was playing Destiny with friends and they invited another friend I hadn't met yet. He and I became pretty close pretty fast because of the same humor and interests. In those three months, we started hanging out every single day and one day he said he was going on a trip with some family members. He was having a hard time and I was the only one who was there for him and offered him a listening ear, because of the time difference I stayed up for him all night to be there. He was super grateful and everything. Couple days after the trip when he was back in the U.S, he admitted he developed feelings for me and I told him I had similar feelings but wasn't ready to say definite yes yet because of the distance etcetera. He respected and accepted that and waited until I did say yes.
The three months were absolutely amazing, sleeping on the phone together, he had me on his phone while he was at work, texting every day, playing games every day together, we were never apart, lots of love and "I love you's" words and promises of always and forever.
Then... his life went upside down, while he was at work he got a text from his mother that his father had a heart attack. He was excused from work and went home early, he took care of the house and the next day he drove 3 hours to the hospital and 3 hours back. I was going through stuff myself and felt pretty sad and depressed at the time yet I pushed everything aside to be there for him, yet he felt I didn't push my own emotions aside to be there for him.. His father is fine and home and doing okay.
When he went back to work the next day, he was stressed yes but the love and such was still there. That morning he even texted me "I love you" etcetera and he always said to me when he dates someone its for life or that I was the love of his life..
Later that day he didn't respond on my text when I said that he was an amazing person and I loved him. He said he had a lot weighing on his mind right now to texting me a long message how he felt. He talked about how little he can do for me, I was having a lot of anxiety and was drained myself, he said he felt he could only do little for me because even if he tried to make me smile, I just couldn't at the time.. Then he said I drained him with that and wanted to hang out with friends and he told me he feels bad when he does that with how I respond to it.. I didn't understand because I was just down, I was exhausted. I didn't mind him hanging out with friends at all online. I just thought he wanted/needed some bro time without me but I guess I handled it wrong or acted the wrong way.. We did have some moments where we read each other's messages the wrong way. But I've told him since the beginning if he wanted to hang out with friends he could but he always choose me instead.
Then he actually broke up with me that same day.. How he had a realization how he's gonna be extremely busy during the summer, won't be here, won't able to respond or text.. busy taking care of his father, bills, grandparents. How its unfair to me.. I told him he couldn't make that decision for me but he kept saying he didn't want me to be chained to him when he couldn't be there. How he says there's not gonna be a relationship if one of us isn't there. I told him I wanted my agency back in the relationship and I had a choice myself not just him in this decision. He eventually agreed to a trial run when I told him I was dating him not a schedule and a lot of people while dating have busy schedules or have to leave for a couple of months but they make it too. He agreed to a trial run but ever since then he barely contacts me at all..
I know he's drowning, I know he's having a hard time, I know he's feeling exhausted. I'm scared this is his way of showing when he actually does have to leave soon this is what it's going to be like or if I say something now how much it pains me.. he would say he was right. But him being gone is different then when he's still here right now and still barely text me or call me or when I told him I was struggling so I went to sleep early he only gave me an "I love you, sleep well".. I keep telling him I'm willing to wait for him, that I'm here if he needs me but I'm drowning myself. I'm scared if I tell him now how much it's hurting me, he'll see it as he was right and I can't do this and there is no relationship, but he's not even gone yet.. he's still here, playing games with his friends online for distraction I guess..
That's what hurting me so much, he's still here, not choosing me or us. Is he so exhausted he can't show any love at all anymore? We went from the happiest and being with each other every day every hour to nothing.. I don't know what to do.. I miss him, I miss his voice, I miss all of it.. My mind is constantly going crazy, barely sleeping and eating, crying..