I’m really confused right now and I am not sure how to feel. I just had my referral appointment with a nurse practitioner who is able to diagnose folks and prescribe them with the appropriate medication. And the appointment left me feeling confused and unheard.
I’ve never really considered having ADHD or anything related as I grew up doing okay in school. In college, I had accommodations because I was diagnosed with a physical disability when I was really young so again, I did okay in college and graduated. Now, I am studying for my CSET to be a teacher. And I just can’t get through this hurdle. I am struggling to study no matter how much I try. I struggle to start studying and then when I do manage to start, I get barely an hour before getting up and walking away to do something else. I’ve been trying for years.
Last year, after careful consideration and talking to my sister who has ADHD, I figured it would not hurt to see if I have ADHD. After going to therapy and getting a handle on my depression and anxiety for the last 7 months, my therapist evaluated me for ADHD and wanted to slowly graduate me from therapy. After her evaluation, she felt I also had ADHD and referred me out.
During my referral appointment with the nurse practitioner, I was asked questions about my childhood. About a few minutes in, he asked me if I was abused. I said yes. My brother would often hit me and emotionally bully me but I felt a shift in the conversation. He kept referring to my childhood trauma as the reasoning as to why I have difficulty and asked leading questions. (e.g. “do you wake up suddenly at night”, “do you have nightmares at night”, or “do you wake up feeling scared or out of breath” - then he explained some abuse victims were attacked at night. I said I wasn’t and I would only wake up at night when my family made noise in the kitchen and he moved on.)
After all that was said and done, he said I do not have ADHD. I have ADHD like symptoms because of my anxiety and trauma from childhood.
I don’t know if I should accept his diagnosis and move on. I didn’t feel heard. I felt like I barely got a chance to express my reasons without him referring to my sibling abuse.
Is it worth seeking a diagnosis when maybe he’s right and I don’t have anything at all?
I can accept not having ADHD. I just didn't feel heard.
Reasons I thought maybe ADHD:
- Procrastination to the point of feeling paralysis
- Can’t tune out distractions like noise
- Frustration when overwhelmed
- After work, I sit in my car for 30 min to an hour because I am just burnt out
- Forget things at people’s houses/ work
- Struggling to start projects especially without a set structure or deadline (like in school)
- Starting things I like scrapbooking or legos projects and not finishing them / forgetting them
- Decision paralysis: can’t decide on anything to save my life