Staying with my parents as a married woman ?
My husband and I got into an argument that escalated to the point where it became repetitive, emotionally exhausting, and mentally draining. It's genuinely affected my mental health, and I've been feeling depressed because of everything that's happened. At this point, what hurts me the most isn't even the original argument anymore. It's how he's handled everything afterward. In my culture, when a husband and wife have a serious disagreement and the wife goes to her family's home, it's generally expected that the husband will at least reach out to her parents, check on her, or make some effort to resolve things. I understand that every marriage and culture is different, but these gestures mean a lot to me because they show respect, concern, and a willingness to reconcile.
My husband hasn't contacted my parents or anyone in my family. He hasn't come to see me, and he hasn't made a genuine effort to resolve the situation. We've only communicated twice through text messages. The first time was after my brother respectfully reached out to him, asking him to come and talk things through. My husband ignored the message for two days. When he eventually contacted me, it was to tell me that I'd ruined his reputation and that I should return home. The second time, he spoke to me about the original issue in a very disrespectful way.
Meanwhile, I'm at my family's house, struggling emotionally, and trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. Am I expected to just accept everything, return to the apartment, and act as though nothing happened? I haven't told my family the full details of what happened because I've been trying to protect his reputation and keep our marital issues private. However, my parents are now understandably upset because he hasn't even reached out to check on me or acknowledge the situation.
I feel like I'm the only one concerned about repairing this marriage. Every day that passes, the tension between our families grows, and I'm becoming increasingly disappointed and hurt. We got married young, and lately, I've been regretting not taking more time before making such a significant decision. I consider myself a very cultural person, and I sometimes wonder whether our differences in cultural expectations are contributing to this situation. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I also feel like he's taking things too far.
There are deeper issues in our marriage, including things I believe have violated my rights as a Muslim wife. I don't want to get into those details right now, but it's difficult to explain how hurtful it feels when you believe you've been wronged and somehow end up feeling like you're the one being blamed. I'm not trying to portray him as a terrible person or make strangers choose sides. I genuinely want an outside perspective because I'm emotionally exhausted and starting to question whether my expectations are unreasonable.
update: I didnt leave the house first, he actually stormed out during our argument. I tried to follow him and begged him to stay so we could discuss things , but he ran to his car and drove off. I called and texted him multiple times, he blocked me. i tried texting him explaining that this wasn't what I wanted, but he went to his parents' house anyway. He spent eight hours there while I was shaking with anxiety, not knowing what was happening or whether things had escalated. That's when I finally decided to leave and go to my parents' house because i was tired of this cycle and didnt want to be home alone again.
we have established that family was off limits and leaving the house in the middle of a argument was off limits. but every week its not me that storms out. its him. for the past year its been a weekly occurrence. Whenever he gets angry or feels pressured, especially when I cry, he storms out, a lot of times staying away overnight.
The issue is that his family borrowed money from me seven months ago and still haven't paid me back. it was a very on the whim decision. i feel naive and i regret it and will never do it again. I'm paying interest on that money, and all I've asked for is a realistic payment plan or honestly if he just talked to me about it without waiting for me to bring it up or force a conversation I would give it up for Allah. I've even said I'd be okay with them paying just $5 a month. I don't want his family to resent me or even know I'm asking about the money, which is why I wanted my husband to handle it privately and take the initiative himself. What hurts me most isn't even the money anymore; it's his lack of communication and initiative. I constantly have to push him for updates, and even then, I get vague answers and empty promises. Meanwhile, seeing them spend money on steak dinners for a family of ten almost every week makes it difficult not to feel frustrated when I still haven't received a single payment.
I wanted this handled peacefully and privately, but instead, I feel like I'm being punished for asking for basic communication and accountability. I love his family but they've taken advantage of him him and used up all his savings and i only found out until later that my husband was taking out loans. again i found out on my own he never told me.