how my life was ruined
this also includes a minor and is very long! sorry:(
i posted this before and got anxious, so here i go again.
so i guess i should start from the beginning… me, (f18) ive always been super shy and quiet. i never had many friends and have always had issues with anxiety and being a people pleaser. i’ve been struggling with mental health for the past 6/7 (smh) years now. from ages 12-14 i spent a lot of time hospitalized and have been diagnosed with a myriad of illnesses including frequent psychotic episodes. needless to say, i am a very fragile person naturally and i struggle to handle my emotions in a healthy way.
at the end of 2022, i befriended a girl, B, who introduced me to weed, vaping, alcohol, and other drugs. me, being super vulnerable and malleable, got sucked into this world super quick. i’ve been smoking weed ever since and now use it therapeutically.
during this time, i was super lost and unsure of myself. i tried really hard to fit as i was just introduced to a new world of people and was starting to make more friends. from other peoples perspective (my current best friend) i was trying too hard and grasping onto things that made me feel like i fit in, and that i had changed drastically since before i met this girl.
now all of that was merely a preface for this situation.
i had a friend, K, who was talking to this guy who was a senior, D, while we were freshman. this guy was also friends with a guy who my other friend, L, was dating. so i had been familiar with him but had never met/talked to him much. and whenever we
did barely speak, i never liked him and remember having unspoken beef with him just because i thought he was odd.
this group of people, plus B and I, went to visit this nearby place on the coast of one of the great lakes. on the car ride there, i recall K & D not getting along so well and D was frustrated with K. so when we arrived, D didn’t want to talk to K and was sitting on the beach nowhere near her. at this time, i was super into crystals, rocks, minerals and other things like that. i had been walking up and down the beach for a while, crouching down to pick up sea glass and other rocks. i had noticed D sitting there moping so i walked up and showed him the sea glass i’d found. (this story will make sense soon)
on july 3rd, 2023 my friend L had a small get together with a group of people we knew including D and I. K’s parents were strict so she was not allowed to be there. D had picked us all up from B’s house as per L’s request. i remember being super excited to drink and hang out with my friends. i was in a deep hole at this point, and kept digging myself deeper.
this night, i had taken my usual dose of medicine (80 mg of prozac) and thought nothing of it because i did not know the affect it would have on me.
we arrived to L’s camp which was along a smaller lake we lived closer to. we immediately began drinking. i remember taking two shots of pink whitney and was on my second twisted tea. i remember us all being sat at this breakfast nook type of thing, and just talking an laughing. i had been sitting by D for some reason, probably because everyone else had boyfriends. the last thing i can recall at that time was taking another sip of my drink and then feeling a hand slide down my back to my butt. i then blacked out and don’t remember anything else.
the next thing i can recall is waking up on the floor of a car, in front of the passenger seat in between D’s legs. i was naked and D was passed out. i immediately opened the door and searched for my clothes. after getting dressed i ran from the car barefoot in search of the camper. i made it make and woke up L, who brushed me off and went back to sleep. i woke up B next, who had basically the same reaction. i stayed up the rest of the morning until the sun rose.
as everyone started waking up they all went into the kitchen to talk, but i stayed in the bedroom. i could hear D saying something about needing pedialite because of his hangover. i didn’t think anything of it until he asked where i was and kept talking about this drink he needed, making it seem odd. i don’t know exactly how to explain it but everyone knew that it was code for something else.
after L told him i was in the bedroom he came in there and shut the door behind him. i remember being silent and staring like a deer in headlights. that’s when he walked over and grabbed my face to kiss me and tried to push me onto my back. he then said something about the pedialite again and said i needed to come with him because he wanted to talk. i never agreed explicitly but never said no either so he ended up taking me with him. during this car ride, i was silent the entire time. during this drive is when he told me that he actually needed to but plan-b because he had allegedly came in me 5 times. the only thing i remember saying was absolutely nothing. he also claimed that i had been flirting with him at the beach and that he had been “plotting” on me ever since.
on the car ride back, he leaned over and said that we needed to make the most of the $50. me being 15, i don’t exactly understand what he meant at first. that’s when he pulled into the state game lands and into a pull off on the side of the road. he turned to look and me an smirked. i stayed quiet and that’s when he got out and got into the back seat. i was still sat up front when he grabbed me by my armpits and pulled me into the back seat again. i remember freezing and staring up at the ceiling the entire time this happened. (i know i didn’t fight back or say no but i was terrified)
after we got back i was hearing constant comments from my friends and their boyfriends. i didn’t say a word i was so embarrassed and called my mom to come pick me up. after this happened i cannot give you an explanation for anything that followed.
after this day, he would constantly ask want to talk to me and find a way to see me. he was somewhat obsessed with me. and him and L being friends didn’t help. he constantly made me feel like i was obligated to speak to him and he lovebombed me over and over.
around november i gave in and started dating him (biggest regret) some finer details about this relationship im going to leave out as the are unnecessary.
one thing i can tell you, is that i hated him. i felt disgusting when he was near me, i would ignore him for days, i refused to speak when he was with me, and i never let him touch me other than sex. everytime we did “it” it was pressured onto me and felt like an obligation.
one important scenario is when i had told him over and over that i didn’t want to see him or have sex with him that night because i was tired and hanging out with B. he then texted me and asked if i wanted mcdonald’s and that he had bought food that he “didn’t want anymore” and B told me she wanted it. he came to her house and parked along the street. i went up and opened the door, not even getting in or anything and reached for the food. that’s when he told me to get in and that he “just wanted to talk for a while” in front of B’s house. i had exhausted so i just got in. as soon as i closed the door he sped off and started driving. i was again terrified and didn’t know what to do as it was 12 am and i didn’t bring my phone with me. this was when he drove me to a set of gamelands again and insisted that it would be quick. i just didn’t say anything and got into the back. as soon as he started i started to cry, and i noticed it made him smile more and go faster. he took me home 3 hours later.
one more instance i can think of is when he begged and begged to come over, but i wasn’t comfortable with him being in my bedroom, so my mom suggested we go to eat. so we went to mcdonald’s and i bought us fries. after a minute he asked if before we went home if i wanted to pull over somewhere and fuck, which i refused over and over while he tried to convince me. eventually we just went back to my house but when we went into my room, he immediately pushed me onto the bed and kissed me before he pushed his hand over my mouth and stuck his hands down my pants and attempted to finger me while telling me to shhh.
i have more to add but i just can’t anymore. i broke up with him in march of 2024 and only opened up about this happening to me a few months ago.