its getting bad
Im a 23 yr old girl and have PTSD and BPD. its been completely tearing my life apart for the past few months. I cant eat anything but “safe” foods, cant sleep at night because of constant nightmares and i havent worked for almost a year because i cant bring myself to get out of bed most days. the worst part is feeling like im pushing my boyfriend away by constantly stalking his social media, accusing him of shit, when i know deep down he wouldnt do anything to hurt me but i cant get rid of this horrible feeling no matter what i do. ive been cheated on so many times that it would be an anomaly if he didnt. I compare myself to every woman I see online and in person and I HATE myself and the way i look more than anything. I have noone but my boyfriend, no family or friends and im so afraid of losing him that its a self fulfilling prophecy. I cant control my emotions at all anymore and ive been harming myself regularly. Im not entirely sure why im writing this, i guess i just want somebody to read it and tell me if it ever gets better. its been feeling more and more hopeless by the day and im becoming scared of my own thoughts. i hate this illness so fucking much