Pls help my mother is forcing hijab
Hello, I’m female 20
To be honest, I just installed Reddit because I desperately need some advice
So for a little bit of background, I am from a Muslim country and a Muslim family as well
Every single female in my extended family wears hijab except for me and I often get judged for it but I don’t really mind it
But for my close family, it is a different story. My father is very liberal and very often criticizes Islam and he doesn’t pray, but he does fast. My two older sisters wear the hijab and often talk to me about it.
My mother is another story she’s an extreme practicer. She very often has intense, religious psychosis episodes, where she literally tries to kill us, each time in different method. She’s very very very sensitive. I cannot find words to describe that she would easily spend a day, crying and easy because someone cursed in front of her while driving
To say the least, it is very difficult to have a conversation with her because she’ll turn to crying or she’ll stop talking to you
She had a very traumatic childhood and was only taught fear so I don’t judge her or blame her and I still love her.
Of course, from very young, she tried to give me these Islamic teachings and it worked. I was seven and praying to die so I don’t sin and go to hell.
She often talks to me about the hijab, but she always says she doesn’t want to force it on me because she saw how her friends did that and then their daughter’s took it off so she says it’s embarrassing and she would rather want me to take that decision
I was 12. I told her when I get into middle school ill wear it but then I wasn’t ready
when I was 14 I told her in high school I would wear it but then I wasn’t ready
in high school. I told her after the graduation
of course because I’m posting in the sub you know what happened in between
I completely lost faith I don’t believe in this religion. i’m not an atheist maybe agnostic but it definitely not a Muslim anymore. I stopped praying a year ago and I don’t pretend to anymore. Of course I will not tell anyone around me because I do not have support. My mother could easily kill herself and I’m not even exaggerating. She’s suicidal
What prompt today discussion about hijab is that she found out that I’ve put away the Burkini she forced me to wear at 13
I will never wear that again
She also been asking me to throw away any skirt or dress I have because they are too short (knee highfor reference )
I don’t want to hurt her, but I’m sick of having never-ending conversation about it. I want to tell her for good that I don’t want to wear it, but I cannot think of an effective way. I can take on the weekly lessons about prayer and I will fake my faith because I have no other choice if I want to be near them ,I will never want to cut them off. I just really wish they would love me unconditionally. But if they found out about the life I’m actually living ,They would basically disown me.
I’m so sorry I didn’t notice. I talked this much but I have no one that can understand what I’m saying so I thought maybe people online would help.
For more details, I cannot turn to my sisters because they will skde with my mom and my dad although he would maybe share this opinion with me he will never ever oppose to my mother because he knows how sensitive she is and he definitely prefer his peace of mind of any type of argument
Please help me I’m completely lost. I don’t know what to do if I should just keep delaying and faking that I will wear it one day or just I don’t know. I have no other idea. Thank you in advance. Also feel free to ask me anything else.