u/Former_Switch_4918

If you asked me who I hate the most, I could mention people who have hurt me badly, but the person I hate the most and this might surprise some people is my mother. I hate her because she has never truly cared about me. Every time I try to fix our relationship, it always ends with her humiliating me, yelling at me, or even slapping me. She never asks how I’m doing or whether I’m okay. All she does is scream at me for no reason, then act as if nothing happened.

Whenever I tell her that I’m tired or not feeling well, she says I’m pretending to be sick, lying, or exaggerating. But I’m not lying. I just want to feel a mother’s love and affection, even if it’s only once.

Most of the time, she compares me to my older siblings, saying they were smarter and better than me, and that I’m stupid and will never have a good future. She gets angry over the smallest things, like forgetting to close a cabinet in the kitchen or not making my bed before leaving the house. None of these things deserve punishment or constant yelling.

I hate being at home because of her. I carry so much hatred and resentment toward her. Sometimes she becomes kind for a moment, and that small bit of kindness makes me happy, but then she quickly goes back to screaming at me again. It feels like all the tension and problems in the house come from her. She has seriously damaged my mental health and even affected my studies.

And it’s not only her. She even influences my father and makes him yell at me too, even though he’s normally nothing like her. He only yells sometimes, but it still hurts.

So I keep wondering: does all of this really justify the way I feel, or am I just exaggerating?

I don’t know whether what I’ve been experiencing could be considered autism or not. Sometimes I feel like I’m exaggerating, pretending, or lying to myself, but at the same time I also feel the opposite. For example, I don’t like making eye contact with strangers, especially with people of the opposite sex, and I didn’t know that this could be a trait associated with autism. My family doesn’t really care about my condition; they always think that I’m just very lazy or that I’m lying about how I feel. I hope you can give me some advice to help me understand what I’m feeling, because thinking about it really bothers me.

Hello everyone I am a jullian. I have been researching autism a lot lately. I took some tests and my scores were really high. However my parents do not want me to see a specialist. Right now I do not have the money or independence to go by myself.

I have a lot of doubts. I want to know if my experiences are similar to yours. Here are my main struggles:

* Social/Masking: After I hang out with people I feel really tired. I like to sit there and not talk much. It is a bit easier with people I am really close to. It still drains my energy.

* Sensory Overload: I am very sensitive to noises. The sound of the street the noise in my school classroom and sudden screams really stress me out. Others do not seem to mind them.

* Hyperfocus & Inertia: I love drawing and reading. I can get really into them.. When I am tired I just hold my phone for hours and do nothing. It feels like I have trouble starting things.

* Rigidity/Routine: If my plans change suddenly I get really upset. For example if a friend cancels a meetup at the minute it ruins my whole day.

* Alexithymia: I have trouble understanding my emotions. I feel the discomfort in my body first and I need some time alone to figure out what I am actually feeling.

Does this sound like autism, to you? How can I deal with this by myself without any help? Thank you.