My[20F] boyfriend [19M] keeps lying to me about his porn addiction, but we have a month long trip in 2 days
My (20F) boyfriend (19M) and I are leaving for a month-long trip together in a couple of days, and he’s flying out tomorrow before I do. Lately I’ve been feeling really anxious about our relationship, and I don’t know if I’m overthinking or if my concerns are reasonable.
Earlier in our relationship, I found out he had been talking to other girls online. Some of the messages crossed boundaries for me, and it caused a lot of trust issues that I’m still trying to work through. Since then, he says he’s changed and has stopped doing those things.
One of my biggest boundaries is porn. I’ve told him I don’t want porn or sexual content to be part of our relationship because of his past and because he told me he struggled with it before.
Today I went through his phone, and I know that wasn’t okay. While I was looking, I checked his Steam purchase history. I saw that six days ago, when we had a fight and I wasn’t at his house, he bought a game that I had been iffy about before. I felt kind of pressured into saying it was okay because he told me it wasn’t a hentai game.
But alongside that purchase, I also saw that he bought an actual furry porn game.
What makes this even harder is that yesterday we had a long conversation about my anxiety surrounding his past porn use. He told me he hadn’t done anything like that in a long time. Then I found that purchase from six days ago, and now I don’t know what to believe. I don’t know if buying a porn game counts as a relapse for him, if he intentionally hid it, or if I’m interpreting it differently than he would.
The hardest part is that when I’m with him, I usually feel okay. But whenever we’re apart, my mind starts spiraling. I replay everything that’s happened, wonder if he’s hiding things, and question whether I can trust him. I don’t want to constantly accuse him of things if he’s genuinely trying to change, but I also don’t want to ignore something that feels like a broken boundary.
We’re about to spend a month traveling together with his family, and I’m completely torn on what to do.
Should I confront him about what I found before the trip, even if it could make the trip really awkward or even ruin it? Or should I wait until we get back so we can have the conversation without being stuck together on vacation for a month?
I’d really appreciate honest opinions, whether you think I’m overreacting or not. I’m just feeling really confused and don’t know what to trust anymore.
TLDR: My boyfriend has a history of crossing boundaries with other girls online and struggling with porn, which caused major trust issues. Yesterday he told me he hadn’t done anything in a long time, but today I looked through his phone and found that six days ago, after we had a fight, he bought a furry porn game on Steam after previously telling me another game wasn’t porn. Now I don’t know what to believe. We’re leaving for a month-long trip with his family in a couple of days, and I can’t decide if I should confront him before the trip or wait until we get back.
Edit 1: also I just remembered, while on that break, the same day, he had another Reddit account, I think a throwaway and I saw him comment at a ladyboy post, saying yes for the poster to send him 12 videos or sm. I chucked it off as maybe him trolling or sm, but when I asked to go through his phone he already had it deleted and adamantly said he never had another account.