u/Forsaken-Cause-7865

I have short hair about half an inch long. It’s Afro-textured and I have mental health issues, so managing long hair is extremely stressful every day. Short hair is the best for my mental health and peace. Mostly I feel confident and self-loving towards myself and my appearance, but I want to share how I feel at my worst sometimes.

1. I feel undesirable and unworthy to men: I am 6’0.5 ft tall with brown skin, which is already masculinized. I can’t imagine a masculine man genuinely finding me desirable without there being some creepy fetishization involved. I am a straight woman, who would love to be held by a strong, masculine, and protective man. Yes, the right man will accept me for me, but I cannot imagine a manly straight man like for example Dean Winchester in Supernatural being attracted to me. I don’t want submissive, passive, feminine, or creepy fetishizing guys and I tend to attract those types on dating apps and in real life.

2. I feel so unsafe: I don’t conform to gender expectations in my clothing, and don’t intend on changing. My appearance combined with my hair could definitely be associated with being non-binary or lesbian, neither of which I am. And the world is violent and prejudiced towards people like that, especially in the American South where I live. I feel like a zoo animal in public, I see people staring at me very often.

I want to wear short hair for the rest of my life, because it is wonderful for my health and peace of mind. However, multiple times a day I fantasize about growing out my hair long so that the world, men AND women, treats me with more respect, kindness, and gentleness. Because both men and women are prejudiced and harsher towards people that look like me. But long hair does not suit my gender-expression, and maintaining that would be absolutely hell for me because I have severe mental health disorders. I’m trying to reconcile my desire for social acceptance and male desirability with my need to stay completely true to myself and prioritize my mental and physical well-being.

have been taking qelbree for about a month and half now. Currently on 400 mg, and the past week I have felt the best I have in my entire life. I am so confident, self loving, self respecting, and at peace. Cooking healthy meals, cleaning, organizing, I could go for a run if my back weren’t injured. So excited to see the full effects of this drug because I can tell there is still room for improvement.