Trying to understand my partner, their church, and more
I'm looking for some advice and not sure where to post it but hopefully this is a good place. I'm struggling with my partner who has become more religious over the past few years and has now sought out what seems to be a more conservative and perhaps evangelical church called Trinity New York. If anyone knows anything about this church or Taylor and Kristen Wilkerson who seem to lead it, that might help.
But first, some background. My entire family is reformed Jewish which is very typical of the town I grew up in on Long Island. We are democrats. The idea that abortion would be illegal is preposterous. Same with having any view that is less than 100% accepting of LGBTQ+ individuals. I have almost zero direct exposure to Christianity, but I see the effects of what I would call (perhaps correctly or incorrectly) the evangelical strain on politics, law, news, discourse, how we talk to and treat each other, and so on. It really upsets me. I think words have consequences and lead to violence and oppression.
Now my partner. He grew up in a conservative Christian environment, but he wasn't religious. A few years ago he found Christ and started attending a Brooklyn church that seems to be fairly liberal but also won't marry same-sex couples. Fast forward to today, and my partner is reading the bible every morning, telling me stories which I listen to and support, and he started to feel like this church did not take scripture seriously enough and was more about singing and performance (or something to that effect). That's what led them to Trinity New York this past weekend.
Based on what I've asked AI about this church, it is evangelical. Though it does not seem to publicly express anything of the sort, it nevertheless means that they do not affirm (or believe is valid?) same-sex marriage and also believe that gender is fixed at birth. This would matter to me regardless of my personal experience, but I also happen to be transgender. We got into a heated discussion yesterday because I told him how all this disturbs me. These conversations always descend into debate-style, "logic-based" discussions. What is life and where does it begin? If I went to the church I could use whatever bathroom I please so how is that not affirming? If they allow same-sex couples to attend church but don't agree to marry them, how is that anti-gay, shouldn't they have the right to decide who they marry? Ultimately, it seems to him that even though the way I exist goes against's Christ's teachings, we are all sinners so it works out in the wash. When I say that there are real laws that impact real people, he says what laws and what does that have to do with the church? I feel like I'm on a YouTube debate, and honestly I'm not that good at it. I told him all of this makes me uncomfortable, doesn't that mean something? But apparently my discomfort is more like intolerance to him.
I sort of understand church because I am sober and have been to rehab and AA. I know how giving oneself over to a higher power can be beneficial (though I am actually an atheist). I think initially church was very helpful to him. I supported it. But it's become so difficult. Otherwise we have a beautiful life. We've been together for over 10 years and have lived together 5. I don't want to break up. That would devastate me. But I also don't know how to navigate this. Nothing gets through. Whatever I say has some sort of logical fallacy to it. It troubles me. I'm concerned. It's very hard to live with. What can I do?