i come from a broken family
I dont know where to post this but my teenage is gonna end in few months and i would say i have lived one of the toughest teenage…the biggest problem is i dont even know whether the things i faced are big enough or not cause i have never in my life talked to anyone about it…
so basically lets start when i was 12-13 ig
i got conscious
and realised my father had drinking issues
and domestic violence was not a big deal in our home
one night things went bad i came out of my room saw blood on the walls of my hall
my father shouting from the hall
and my mother ran to the balcony(8th floor)
and that moment still haunts me
i started crying very badly so idk what happened after that but things stopped that night
next day i woke up and i can still remember the blood on walls…
then for a whole lots of years nothing this huge happened, small stuff like this was very common in our house
things started getting bad again when i got in my 12th
similar things started happening he use to drink and fight drink and fight
and one day i thought to step up
i came downstairs and shouted at him
he came running to me and i started crying and things stopped for that night
this started happening every other month that i had to interrupt
he would say things like he would kill himself someday or how he would leave us someday and lots of things
and one night things escalated so much that he made my dadi drink forcibly she was asthama patient very critical he said this will fix everything
and she passed away 6 months after…i was not at home that night so couldnt do anything he use to be drunk all the fucking times
and then my drop year started
i feel he feels happy when i fail he wants to see me fail or he fears what if i earn more than him someday
he use to tell me everytime how much duffer i am how i would never do anything in my life
he even said i can guarantee he will score even less percentile than last time (i got 72 in jee in 12th)
and this never stopped i started thinking about suic*de cause i just couldnt share anything with anyone
my mother use to cry to me that i have to do something so that things in the house get better
and literally my mother cried in my lap one night asking for help
is this normal for a 17 y/o?
and then drop year ended i got 92 percentile he looked at it and said what am i supposed to do with this? the cutoff was 93 right? so in the end the whole year got wasted
and i cried like anything after that in my room
cause i was already sad that i had studied so much but still couldnt score enough
anyways later he was fine that at least i would get a government college
and then one fine night
i slept
he came home drunk
beat the shit outta my mother
she started bleeding and slept
and i woke up and my mother literally told me she thought he would kill her last night
and uk what
what he said to me about it?
that he doesnt fuckin cares and my mother is an idiot
is this what a 18 y/o deserves?
well that fine night also had a fight in the office meeting
because he abused someone while he was drunk
which costed him his job and he is looking for a job since last 4 months
he has a high salary package
The point is still nothing has changed he wakes up everything is fine
then he drinks at night
and eat my brains out
telling how i would do nothing in my life
and i am not even feeling emotional about it cause i know nothing is ever gonna change no matter how much money i earn in life this man will drink and destroy everything
i can never leave the house forever either because my mother and younger brother are there
anyways life is not the same for everyone
but i would be a filmmaker someday
and i just wanna live my life to the fullest
will never drink or never smoke