are these npd traits?
i am in my 20s, and for context i am currently getting treated by a psychiatrist and a therapist for a mood disorder, even tho it seems to them that i also present some cluster b personality traits (they already told me that for multiple reasons).
for all of my life, i've never thought there was anything inherently 'wrong' with my personality. in fact, for most of my teenage years and young adulthood i often felt 'victimized', misunderstood and demonized. my peers often described me as 'too emotional' but at the same time 'too cold', self-centered, selfish, jealous and controlling. some might also say i'm full of myself, conceited and so on.
i always thought everything was others fault, since in my head i was always the mistreated one.
this was until i last spoke to my psychiatrist.
during our last sessions with both him and my therapist, they made me realize some patterns in my behaviors that i've never even took in consideration before.
i've noticed that i'm not 'scared of abandonment'; i just cannot accept that someone might not be interested in me and acknowledge me as 'the best partner/friend they'll ever have', or worse: that they would be able 'to get over me'. i can't stand someone being ok with me not being in their life anymore.
i find myself to be one of a kind and usually charming, and when someone doesn't notice that i instantly get irritated.
all of these things have caused extreme episodes of anger and intense dysphoric mood.
in relationships (both platonic and romantic) i always want to be the one 'in control', i can't stand being the vulnerable or fragile one. i am revengeful and i want people to chase me and recognize that they 'need' me.
i don't believe in true connections with people, and i value success way more than i do for human connections.
my list could go on and on. for what it's worth, i'm getting better now and i feel like i'm 'unlearning' some patterns and behaviors that i now know weren't really healthy.
i'm writing this down only out of curiosity. i'll obviously still continue to go to therapy to see 'where this is going', but i thought that maybe i could find some advices or some opinions here, without getting judged (or at least, i hope so)