will i ever get over my first love
i broke up with my ex girlfriend in feb 2024, and i was so sure that it was the right decision at the time. but every few months i get this insane period where i miss her so overwhelming much. i have a theory that she has the same thing because every time this happens to me it’s either me or her reaching out randomly and we talk all the time for a week or so, call every night, and it’s just like how it was when we were together.
the last time i spoke to her was in december or january (i don’t remember fully), but it was sooo weird because it just felt so normal. like we were together and i just couldn’t actually go and see her for some reason. she told me that her mum still asks about me - her parents are super homophobic but her mum knew about us dating and allowed it because she saw how good i was for her. there was this moment where we were talking about birthdays for some reason and she said that she’s terrible at remembering birthdays, and that she only remembers one. i said “is it your mum’s??” and she got really shy and said “no guess again” and i said “ummmm your brother’s??” (i knew it was mine at this point but i was nervous) and she said no and then i said “is it mine?” and she goes “yeah. october 11” and then there was this silence like one of us was supposed to laugh or say something but it just felt like the most insane tension ever and i realised in that moment that i still loved her.
anyway i found out a couple weeks ago that she has a boyfriend 🫠 (she was like FIRMLY a lesbian when we were dating) so i have no idea what to do or if this will ever really go away. like bro it’s been TWO YEARS. this is mostly just a rant but like oh my god i miss her so bad