u/FragrantMovie2 — reddlx

FTM and losing my shi%%

I am FTM (30y ), gave birth to my daughter 3 weeks ago via planned c section and it seems like i am never getting out of this bs life.

I got pregnant (planned) at my first real job after residency (Md Medicine) , where i was earning good and it was a dream job. I had to resign though coz my first trimester required complete bed rest. I have been home bound for 8 months already and now i will have to wait 6 months at least to find another job.
My husband works remotely(doctor). He is supportive on the phone and when he is at home (2-4 days a week), he helps with the baby every way that he can- which is mostly changing diapers and making formula. I prefer not to wake him up that much at night coz he is up during the day when i am asleep with the baby. And now, i get mad at him when he goes out or even reads when he is away at his job. I get jealous that he gets to do stuff which he wants and i am stuck with the baby.
I live with my in-laws (coz i am indian) and my MIL helps out a lot with the household chores and even with the baby. I do not call her to help out with the baby at night coz she is mostly up during the day.
I hate how my body looks now. I have mom pooch and that scar. I wqs confident and fit before pregnancy and even delivery. But this mom pooch and belly is hideous. It has shaken up my confidence. And even when i try to introduce some breathing exercises, the screaming baby or the lack of sleep prevents me to do so. I prefer to take naps when the baby sleeps.
My baby does not like to sleep. Idk what is with her. She only sleeps in my arms and it gets tiring to sit for long hours. She takes 3-4 hours naps during the night but is a nightmare during the day. She screams when hungry or has a wet diaper or for no reason sometimes.
I want to go out and work and take time for myself. I want to go live with my parents and my dog for a while. Since in-laws are old school, they do not trust anyone else with the baby. I am scared too coz she is a LBWt baby (2.8kgs). I really want to know this gets better. I am not attached to the baby. I love her but with the sleepless nights and days, i just want her to grow up super fast. Thinking about the next 6 months is dreadful. I just want to run away sometimes to clear my mind. I know this makes me a bad mother but i want to live a little and explore my job options and for once, talk about anything else except pregnancy and baby.

I am FTM (30y ), gave birth to my daughter 3 weeks ago via planned c section and it seems like i am never getting out of this bs life.

I got pregnant (planned) at my first real job after residency (Md Medicine) , where i was earning good and it was a dream job. I had to resign though coz my first trimester required complete bed rest. I have been home bound for 8 months already and now i will have to wait 6 months at least to find another job.
My husband works remotely(doctor). He is supportive on the phone and when he is at home (2-4 days a week), he helps with the baby every way that he can- which is mostly changing diapers and making formula. I prefer not to wake him up that much at night coz he is up during the day when i am asleep with the baby. And now, i get mad at him when he goes out or even reads when he is away at his job. I get jealous that he gets to do stuff which he wants and i am stuck with the baby.
I live with my in-laws (coz i am indian) and my MIL helps out a lot with the household chores and even with the baby. I do not call her to help out with the baby at night coz she is mostly up during the day.
I hate how my body looks now. I have mom pooch and that scar. I wqs confident and fit before pregnancy and even delivery. But this mom pooch and belly is hideous. It has shaken up my confidence. And even when i try to introduce some breathing exercises, the screaming baby or the lack of sleep prevents me to do so. I prefer to take naps when the baby sleeps.
My baby does not like to sleep. Idk what is with her. She only sleeps in my arms and it gets tiring to sit for long hours. She takes 3-4 hours naps during the night but is a nightmare during the day. She screams when hungry or has a wet diaper or for no reason sometimes.
I want to go out and work and take time for myself. I want to go live with my parents and my dog for a while. Since in-laws are old school, they do not trust anyone else with the baby. I am scared too coz she is a LBWt baby (2.8kgs). I really want to know this gets better. I am not attached to the baby. I love her but with the sleepless nights and days, i just want her to grow up super fast. Thinking about the next 6 months is dreadful. I just want to run away sometimes to clear my mind. I know this makes me a bad mother but i want to live a little and explore my job options and for once, talk about anything else except pregnancy and baby.