u/Fragrant_Guitar_8435

On paper, my life is comfortable. I have a good setup and I am surrounded by people. There is no logical reason for me to feel the way I do, which makes this even harder to understand.

I feel a sudden, deep sinking feeling in my chest. The moment I wake up, before I even have time to form a thought, my heart sinks. My chest tightens, I feel an overwhelming urge to cry, and this heavy, physical anxiety stays with me for the rest of the day.

Lately, I have developed a severe fear of being alone. When I am by myself, the anxiety intensifies to a point where it feels unmanageable.

What is happening to me? Why is my body reacting as if I am in constant danger when my environment is safe? Has anyone experienced this specific morning dread, and more importantly, what are the actionable steps to come out of it?

It's a really particular, oppressive form of loneliness. Although I am not physically alone, the world around me greatly misunderstands me and I am essentially devoid of love.

It's like yelling when submerged. I devote all of my energy to being the organized, trustworthy person who keeps everything together, but when I need real, uninvited love or to be genuinely noticed, there is nothing. Continually providing structure and care for others while operating at full capacity is draining.
I'm sick of living off of meager connections. I'm sick of waiting for someone to look at me and truly see me while I feel like I'm suffocating in an air-filled room.

All I want to know is how it feels to be unquestionably selected and to be held without being asked to do anything in particular.

How do you prevent the deprivation from making you utterly resentful if you live with this same heavy, lonely silence?