Creepy Purchase
California: I am about to file for divorce very soon, but my husband is not aware. A brief history on his personality will give context to this purchase being creepy.
I have caught him watching "corn" many times, but what was the most worrisome were the times I would notice the browser history looking at young girls under 14 years old doing the splits in gymnastic outfits. It was not "spicy" content, but I understood full well why a man in his 50's would search those things at 2am. (Separate bedrooms after I noticed his habits.) Since the things he was searching were not explicit, I was told when I attempted to report it that there was nothing illegal to see there. I get it, it was a long shot but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't check.
Now, I am in my early 40's and we have 2 daughters, ages 5 and 7. He has a previous marriage and children, they are 2 boys and a girl, all in their 20's. I only have these 2 daughters. He is the breadwinner, and he does not allow me to work, though the girls were in public school at the time.
Throughout the marriage, I have been the sole caretaker, cook, chauffeur, PTA mom, Birthday party mom, etc. I have done everything to try to keep everyone happy while being in this loveless situation because I was threatened that he would fight for sole custody of the kids, due to the fact that he bought the house in 2007 and we have only been married 5 years. He threatened that the courts will make me move out (fine, I hate the house) and then grant him custody for stabilitie's sake. I, on the other hand, would need to move back to where all of my family lives in AZ so he argues that they would never give me custody in that situation. SO I stayed and stayed and stayed. I got tired of staying, it was killing me, and damaging what our daughters saw as a married couple. I want out.
I moved to Phoenix with the girls under the guise of "helping my elderly parents" for "a few months." that was in January. He has only visited once, and rarely calls the girls on their shared tablet with its own phone number, maybe 1-4 times a month. He believes we are just "working through things" but I am just not interested anymore and have been trying to find a way out.
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To the purchase I just saw (We share a computer and have Chrome profiles on it, so I just click his to see his history, and he can do the same for mine. I am posting from my sister's account.)
He purchased... a Princess 32" doll. Not naming the princess. But yeah.
A man who financially abuses us 3 (call me when you get to checkout and I'll transfer the amount you need. Bring home the receipt.) and no access to any accounts... no say in his large purchases he makes without informing me...
Anyway, he has NEVER sprung for a nice toy for our daughters. Ever. We do not get nice things. They also are not into princesses... and I have seen search history before looking at "princess doll hands" a few months ago. He also NEVER buys gifts for people. I have gotten exactly nothing for 4 birthdays and mothers days and anniversaries now. I have to buy his mom's birthday gift, etc. This is FOR HIM.
Can anyone shed light, is there a fetish or a reason he is doing this? I saw it was delivered to the house (via the ring camera) and just... ew. What do I do? How do I end this marriage and keep my children? How do I cope with this nasty info? HELP.
I am not trying to rip him out of their life for good, I just think it is best if we continue doing what's been working out here and scheduling visits/vacations with him. And just FYI, even without this information, his entire family supports my leaving and will speak on my behalf if needed to establish that he does nothing with these girls.
Opinions, facts, laws, anything you want, just please respond, I am so alone in this gross and hopeless feeling. I'm in hell.