TIFU by trying to use a catheter on my pant worm without knowing how to do so without causing immeasurable suffering
Edit: I was 17 when this happened.
Started on a ADHD medication (atomoxetine) and it caused urine retention. Like I couldn't pee for a while. Starting took a long time if it all.
Suddenly got worse. Didn't pee at all for over 30 hours. I could have done many things. Stop the medication for one. Go to a doctor, a hospital or something. I felt a bit embarassed and wanted to hide that I'm on medications form my asian parents.
Instead, I decided to do it myself. They'd cath me, right? But it'll be embarassing. I could do it myself. How hard could it be?
Try to get one from the drug store, but they had only unlubricated options. Find out when I get back home, and no way I can walk back. Need to raw dog the snake violator.
I start inserting. Not too bad during the first few inches, but suddenly I feel like my snake is burning. Pushing and pulling hurts too. Shit.
I calm down, and try to relax my urethra and proceed. It's harder than it seems. Any slight pain and it causes my snake tube to spasm, more ouch. I find slightly twisting (the catheter, not the Shai Hulud) helps.
I proceed on. I start feeling better, and it almost gets easier.
Bingo
The golden waters start flowing, and it's glorious. Except I'm in my bedroom, and didn't consider where the per will go. I block the catheter with my thumb, unlock my door and try to run to the bathroom with a pipe sticking out my cock. My parents are home.
But I make it, aim into the sink and it flows. Glorious. I feel great. Sure, it still burns but I'm halfway there. That's the problem. I'm HALFway there.
I realize I need to take it out too, unless I fancy walking around with a cyborg dong.
Turns out taking it out was worse. I guess the torture urethra lube teardrops dried up or something. Great. Gotta work slowly, slower than before. Savor the suffering.
Then I had what in foresight is a not too great: an idea. I could pump warm saline up to relax my utethra. Makes sense. I waddle back to my room, grab a syringe with saline and go back to my bathroom. Stick the syringe into the opening and inject.
Hoping nobody walked into me injecting a syringe uo my schlong. I don't know how I could ever explain it.
But it works. Shay Phallud stops spasming and it's now easier. Eventually managed to get it out after several minutes of slowly pulling.
It's out. It's FINALLY OUT. My dongalong isn't happy, and neither is my bladder, or psychiatrist once I told her the whole story.
TL;DR accidentally performed cock torture on myself and suffered for it.