u/Free-Tumbleweed-2174

I just had sex. She went to bed, and then completely unannounced, the grief of what happened to us shows up and now I'm bawling my eyes out as I write this. Writing another letter just to release it since I really can't tell any of my bros about this, they wouldn't understand. You would probably assume I was drinking but I didn't have any tonight, so that's interesting, I usually don't get this emotional sober. I wonder, are we still connected? Were you thinking about me? Are you sad? Oh how I wish I could just ask how are you? God i hope youre okay 🙏

You were right though, I probably could have almost anyone I want, but I only wanted you. Even right after I have sex with them... I still feel empty. You know I don't care for meaningless sex. I finally turned back on the dating apps recently. I have so many requests just sitting there. They're pretty, I force myself to make new connections, it's not the same and it never will be. It feels selfish, I don't want to hurt anyone while I'm still thinking about you but idk how to erase you without them.

My soul aches for you but I wish I could just forget I ever met you. Why could you not see what we had was magic and we were never even intimate! How many people can say that?

We haven't talked in 6 weeks? And it doesn't hurt anymore, I'm sleeping well. I still can't believe I think about you every morning when I wake up and every night when I say a prayer for you before bed. I believe you're going through a transformation, and I'm not sure if I'm on the other side of that, but I think I would like to be. I understand you not saying goodbye was a protection mechanism due to your previous trauma. It would have been easier those first few weeks to hate you, but I understand why you did what you did. That doesn't mean things can be the same, I'm not even sure we can exist in any version beyond us making amends.

But, what I do know is that whatever we had was much more spiritual and energetically connected than what we were saying and I wonder if you knew that, or If you're in the process of discovering that. Idk exactly what you're healing from because you never let me get close enough to hold your hand through the storm. But I would have. I would have made sure you knew that without a doubt that id be there for you forever.