Sister’s suicide attempts
I’m not sure what I’m looking for….maybe some advice or solidarity? My sister (20F) has been diagnosed with BPD. She has had mental health problems for the last five years (things got really bad when she turned 14/15). Anyways, I love her dearly and feel terrible she’s suffering but I’m not sure I can do this anymore. I am the oldest sibling (10 years older than her) and have felt both a motherly and sisterly role for her. Anyways, she was hospitalized yesterday for her 13th suicide attempt in the last 3 years. This is NOT to take away from the pain she is feeling, but I’m utterly exhausted. The constant fear and worry of if she’s going to end her life and then the grief that comes after every attempt. She’s very impulsive and often attempts when she gets upset by something (ex: this time the guy she was interested in said he only wanted to be friends).
My family is very close and she still lives at home with my parents. We are at my parents a lot because I have three young children who love their grandparents and love spending time with them. My sister with BPD is typically very difficult to deal with so we don’t have much of a relationship (just kind of coexisting when we are there as to not upset her). I’m sorry for ranting….im emotionally so exhausted and honestly frustrated from the constant up and downs. I’m terrified she’s going to kill herself as that seems to be her reaction to every time things aren’t going well, but I also have so much anger as she has so much support and love from my family and seems to have no regard for how her actions are impacting anyone else. How do you deal with the constant suicide attempts? I feel that if I stop contact with her I’ll be “giving up on her” and I’ll regret it if she does end her life. it will also impact myself and my children’s relationship with my parents as she is still living at home (and will likely be for a long time.) I also want to protect my children from all of this….ugh.