Was I overreacting for cutting off my childhood friend after what happened with my husband?
I need some outside perspective because this situation still affects me even after 2 years.
I’ve (F26) been with my husband (M28) for 8 years now (6 years at the time this happened). We went to a birthday party together with my childhood friend (she was 26 at the time). We grew up as neighbors, and she was constantly at our house over the years. The three of us got along really well, and I never seriously suspected anything inappropriate before this.
That said, she has always been a very attention-seeking and somewhat narcissistic person. She likes dressing provocatively and often seemed to compete with me in subtle ways. I tried to overlook it because I knew she had a difficult childhood and family situation.
She would often come over wearing only boxer shorts and an oversized T-shirt, striking what felt like “sexy” poses around the house. Even some older women in the neighborhood commented on it to me, but I ignored it.
A few days before the party, she and my husband had an argument about a hobby we all shared. During the party, my husband got extremely drunk, to the point where I could barely communicate with him. At some point, she sat next to him and they started talking. At first I didn’t think much of it because everyone was in the same room together.
But then she started getting physically closer to him, whispering in his ear, laughing with him, and at times their faces were practically pressed together while they talked. He wasn’t saying much, but he also wasn’t pulling away. Eventually she took his hand, and he started slowly caressing her hand while smiling and listening to her whisper to him.
Someone else at the party actually pointed it out to me, and I immediately went over and told him that what was happening was making me uncomfortable and felt inappropriate. He ignored me completely.
The next day there was a massive fight and we almost broke up over it. My friend’s excuse was that she and my husband had “made up” after their earlier argument about the hobby, and that they were just reconnecting and being friendly again. But to me, the behavior felt way too intimate and crossed obvious boundaries.
I decided to go completely no contact with her. She kept trying to reach out afterward, but eventually became extremely defensive and played the victim, accusing me of “whore shaming” her and saying I was the bad person for cutting her off.
It’s now been 2 years since we last spoke.
My husband and I eventually worked through it, but it was very difficult and the relationship definitely changed afterward. Normally he is very family-oriented and this behavior was completely out of character for him.
I still think about this situation a lot and sometimes wonder if I overreacted because it affected me so deeply.
Do you think my friend crossed a line? Did my husband? Would you consider this a form of cheating or emotional betrayal, even if nothing more happened physically?
TL;DR: My childhood friend got very physically close and flirtatious with my drunk husband at a party (whispering in his ear, faces pressed together, holding hands while he caressed hers). I confronted them, cut her off afterward, and almost ended my marriage over it. She later accused me of “whore shaming” and said they were just making up after an argument. Two years later, I still wonder if I overreacted or if this crossed clear relationship boundaries.
Thanks!