Coming up on 2 years
I've said this before, but this second year is harder than the first. It will be 2 years in June, and I feel worse now that I have all along. I find myself close to tears or actually crying more and more. When I think how much she loved me--unconditionally--it makes me realize just how much I loved (and still love) her. She was the most selfless person I ever met, besides her mother, who she was just like. We have one son and after two years of living alone, which I have hated, I have finally accepted his offer for me to come and live with him in LA, quite a difference from the Great Lakes area. We are keeping our 160 years old house and will have a great nephew living here. We will come home for times like Christmas, but I am so looking forward to being with him, that I cannot express it. The depth of grief has been overwhelming and I thought by now it would ease some. It's worse. I don't know if that means I am backsliding, but I can't help feel what I feel right now. We were married for 49 years and I wouldn't trade a moment of it. I realize how lucky I am to have had her for that long. I feel for those younger people on this site who lose someone in a relatively short time. How unfair. The unfairness I personally feel is that so many awful people get to live long lives, and it makes me question my faith. I know I shouldn't question God, but I still cry and ask "why?"