Parents of Reddit, am I allowed to dislike the parents that provide for me & my siblings?
Hi! Parents of reddit, like the title asks; am I allowed to dislike the parents that provide me and my siblings everything?
I'm choosing to post this in a subreddit where parents are the the majority. If I post this in a subreddit full of teens, I'm sure I will recieve comments that are biased against parents. So.. I choose to post it here.
TLDR; I have Asian parents.
Context: My mother and father are both generally standard parents. My mother is the powerhouse: She cleans cooks, organizes, schedules and overall keeps the family sticking together. My father supports my mother financially (although, not by a lot unfortunately...) and he's responsible for house repairs and killing bugs 😆
I'm thankful to have parents that give me all that any human needs. A roof over my head, water and food everyday. And guidance whenever it's needed. I am never going to be not thankful for that and my siblings are too. We never ask for unecessary things, especially if they're expensive (like a nintendo switch for example) considering that although we're comfortable, we aren't rich.
(For reference, we mainly only eat in fast food places or cook at home. We rarely eat in restaurants unless its a special ocassion. We don't own any smart stuff. All our phones and stuff are hand-me downs or gifts from wealthier cousins.)
However, like all relationships, I have gripes and arguments with them from time to time. That in itself is normal and wouldn't warrant any posts. But I am a young adult and I have been influenced by the internet. I used to look up to my parents, and I thought of them as role-models. But growing up, and seeing the struggles of other kids, teens and adults, fictional and non-fictional, has made me realize that my parents aren't as great as I made them out to be.
I will note that all of us are imperfect human beings, and we all make mistakes. We sometimes get fraustrated with each other, and that's normal. With that said...
My father, in my eyes, who used to be a mentally strong, street-smart and the breadwinner of the family, I now view as a person who is very arrogant, loud, karen-like, insensitive and very fond of stereotyping. He also refuses to help my mother with chores and never cooks. He never wants to lose an argument, regardless of what he's saying is right or wrong, and it fraustrates my siblings and mother deeply. And when he argues, he, without fail, always attacks the person he's arguing with personally. And above all, he contributes very little to the overall bills of the house. He can buy dinner, sure, but my mother literally pays for the electricity, water, groceries, school supplies, not to mention TUITION.
My mother, is very, very. emotional. Her mood dictates how my day, and the day of my sister goes. If she's in a good mood, our day will go smoothly. But if she's in a bad mood, me and my sisters will have to deal with constant passive-aggression where if we try to defend ourselves, we're met with more agression and always silenced. If my sisters show any signs for sadness or cry, she always makes sure to say stuff like "Don't be sad. It's okay now. Being sad doesn't change anything." and if they continue to be sad/cry, they'll start to get legitimately mad because they wouldn't stop. She will comment on any and all small comments on her, and she WILL defend herself.
(I can provide example scenarios from experience if needed.)
And in general, the both of them express very concerning beliefs regarding negative race stereotypes, gender stereotypes and conformation (man can't be scared/weak), and overall valuing tradition and the negative aspects of our culture rather than us as people..
From all of this, I want to express that I, again, understand that none of us are perfect. And I attribute whatever negative behaviour from their upbringings.
I feel bad even speaking bad like this to them because in the end, they're just human. They're just trying to take care of me and my sisters and they have a lot of things on their mind. My mother especially, balancing us and her job that pays for basically everything. She doesn't even have friends... I try my best to help my mom with her load (semi-daily house cleaning, cooking, organizing, scheduling.) but in the end, it's not enough to help her overall stress.
But... at the same time, I just want to share that I feel so powerless in this family. I feel like they don't treat me seriously, that all of my comments and opinions are targets to be shot down and to be corrected. There are times when I strike conversation just to interact... but it ends up with me getting 'corrected' even when I started it just for chat. I feel like they're continuing to foster this negative culture of agression and correction that's full of raising your voices at each other and petty personal attacks. My father especially attacks me and everything about me every single single day. And.. i'm doing my best to just take it and ignore his words... but its getting to me. And my mom is so dismissive of how me and my sisters feel.
Part of me keeps defending their actions due to them being older (and wiser), and raised in worse environments. But me and my sisters are becoming slowly worn down by their constant agression, forced ideologies and overall lack of empathy.
I'm terrified what will happen to my sisters once college begins when I'm not there to help them relax and laugh through everything
Am I allowed to feel this way towards my parents who gave us everything?