How to help isolated family member?
This will be hard to explain because my family is so weird. My grandma was scary, mean, and just a pretty negative person. My aunt never seemed to mature past 20, and her son (my only cousin) is just a mess. My grandma was a big part of his life and she basically raised him in a very controlling environment. Starting in middle school he started showing signs of being on the spectrum. He was never diagnosed. Going through high school he had no friends and was definitely the weird/quiet kid who probably smelled. After high school he tried college for maybe a quarter and then quit. My grandma never allowed him to drive or have a job, when he attempted to get online therapy and meds in his mid 20s she freaked out and shut that down.
It's hard to explain my grandma's control on their life. She always used money as a way to help us, to show love, but also control. My aunt was always financially dependent on her and my grandma literally paid for everything in their life. My grandma was vindictive and held a grudge, so nobody ever wanted to piss her off because she helped us all financially.
I've always wanted to be there for my only cousin. I want to be his friend. I have always felt awful about the way he turned out and how it's mostly my grandma's fault. He is almost 30 years old, he does not drive, does not leave the house, does not interact with family, he has never had a job, has no friends, his entire life is online. He has long hair and smells horrible. He is almost definitely on the spectrum or has some major anxiety disorder, I just want to be a part of his life. I'm only a couple years older and I don't even know this person who lives in the same city as me.
How do you start a relationship with a family member after so much time and so much weird family drama and fucked up dynamics?