Started off as FWB and now it’s complicated
Hi this is a throwaway account and I really don’t want anyone to be harsh or anything cause I have had friends say similar things to me but I just want some advice from people that don’t know me.
So recently, I’ve been friends with a guy and we met in a club ( like a bar) and we’ve been friends for few months now. We both got out of relationship at the time and we both agreed to start a casual thing with each other as we just wanted company and sex.
It started off well and we both liked films so we get on really well. The issue is that at the very start, we agreed to go on a “date”. It was good and I know we agreed on fwb but we also enjoyed hanging out together so we got dressed up and went to watch a film together and went back to mine and things happened. He got me flowers which was sweet and we discussed the film and we went to mine and obviously did stuff and he stayed over and the next day a we went to get food together. After that it became a usual thing for us to do something together. I slowly met his friends and we all hang out together too and go drinking or have movie nights or just hangout and chill.
The thing is he would treat me like a girlfriend even though we’re not together and it became something I did confront him on and he explained he didn’t want us to have sex and then feel like I was being used so he’d take me out to eat or go hang out together cause he also enjoyed my company. Which I did get was with good intentions but it made me confused as he’d ask me on a date one time and I thought yeah why not? I was thinking maybe this is getting serious somehow. We went to pick food from a restaurant and chilled in the park and we even kissed out in public and held hands and he laid his head on my lap while we talked. After we were leaving and discussing things we stoped at the shop to get a few things and he dropped a bomb on me; he was going to a girl’s house and I was shocked and I just went home disappointed and confused.
We talked about it and it seemed like miscommunication as he thought since i was going on a date before (i didn’t go cause the guy didn’t even prepare for it) that dating/ hooking with other people wasn’t something that was a problem. We talked later on about how I thought we were just hooking up and doing it with other people didn’t make sense to me and how like i don’t want to catch anything he might get from someone else. I also told him how I was confused with us and I was developing feelings because we acted very coupley and he explained how he couldn’t date with me as we’re agreed on a casual thing and how he only saw me as a friend (even though his actions showed otherwise??) and I did after that have a break with him and we didn’t hang out or talk for a bit. Later on I talked again to him first after a few weeks cause I missed us hanging out and he came over and we watched a film together and talked again and he did stay over again.
It’s just that I realise now that he doesn’t have issues with commitment it’s just me and even when I bring up us being together if we had met in a different situation and not us starting off as fwb he said without hesitation that he’d definitely would date me. Idk I don’t want to lose our friendship and us hanging out cause I really do enjoy his company and he makes me feel safe and everything but he doesn’t want to date me even though he does things and says things that seem like the opposite of that. For example, other than saying how cute or beautiful I look which is typical, he’s payed for my things like a bra i needed, typically food, cinema tickets, gets my favourite sweets and drinks, took me to jazz club that I wanted to go to. I know he may just like the comfort of us hanging together and all, and to be honest i’ve tried to move on while just wanting to keep us having a friendship but then he keeps acting like he loves me, by just staring at me while i’m doing things, tucking me into bed before he leaves my place, being considerate and pushing to me to be more confident in myself for like directing films as i do love films and i would maybe like to write a script or something similar. It’s just difficult cause his friends also really like me (it’s a mixed group of girls and guys) and we get on and i realise i’ll lose them too but I’m also tired of being confused all the time about us and feeling like a loser when he may be on a date with a different girl. Like he wants love and commitment but he doesn’t want that with me but he acts like he does??
I do think maybe I should have a last talk with him but i’m more scared of being rejected again and having to do the hard things of letting go.