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I [24F] have been with my boyfriend [23M] for two years. Over time, I’ve developed deep resentment because I feel forced into a "masculine" role—meaning I am the one who always initiates conflict resolution, manages the emotional labor, and sets the direction for our future.
The Context: My boyfriend is a student and currently an OJT with a small income, but his family is very well-off and he has no actual financial struggle. Despite this, he insists on a strict "50/50" split that feels petty. For example, I recently stayed with him in his province for a month while he lived alone. When I went home, he asked me to pay for half of the electricity bill because we used the aircon. It felt like being treated as a tenant rather than a guest or a partner.
The Current Conflict: I’ve told him I am emotionally and mentally drained. I explained that I want to be able to relax into my feminine energy, but I can't do that if I'm constantly "manning up" to keep the relationship afloat. I’ve realized I would rather live alone than be in a 50/50 relationship where the leadership and mental load are still 100% on me.
I’ve proposed a one-month "cool-off" for May with no communication. I want to see if he can learn to initiate goodness and lead with stability on his own.
I am seeking advice on the following:
- How do I handle a partner who has a "poverty mindset" and nickels-and-dimes expenses despite having the resources to be hospitable?
- During this one-month break, what specific "tests" or signs should I look for to determine if he is actually capable of stepping up?
- How can I communicate that his passivity is a dealbreaker without it turning into another "venting" session where I end up doing all the emotional work?
TL;DR: I [24F] am taking a one-month break from my [23M] boyfriend because I am exhausted from doing 100% of the emotional leadership. He recently charged me half the utility bill while I was a guest at his place, even though he is well-off. How do I evaluate if he can actually change his passive "50/50" mindset during this time?