I can't stand my immature mother
So I've grown up in a restrictive household. My dad who's crazy temperamental, was a helicopter parent (especially regarding my academics) and basically micromanaged everything in my life up till the 10th grade. He helped a lot with my grades, but at some point I just cracked. I was mad at him for being so controlling and at my mom for being subservient (even though it's not really her fault because my dad's been known to be physically abusive in the past). Basically I have a strained relationship with both my parents.
The thing is, I liked my dad growing up (which I absolutely shouldn't have, but try telling that to a toddler who thinks their dad is God.). Never liked my mom as a person though. She's loud and brings attention in public places, has no respect for other people's nor my privacy, and she has no grasp of how the world works or how much suffering people go through. She's racist, colourist, Islamophobic. If I get a better grade than somebody, she makes sure to let me know that I'm "better" than them; which is just stupid. During showers, she doesn't use soap. She has no tact, doesn't know how to handle situations, panics and basically acts like a child when she's a full grown woman. It's like living with a middle-school preteen. When I was younger, we literally used to fight like sisters and my dad had to mediate between us. How can a mother not use her own authority to put her child in line and instead resort to petty quibbling?
I have a fear of exams. I even stopped giving them at some point. My therapist decided it's best not to tell my parents my scores because the anxiety of their expectations was holding me back. She told my parents this too. Guess what my mom does today? As my home tutor was leaving the house after taking an exam of mine, she went straight to him and with a stupid smile asks how much I scored. Not even me, my teacher directly.
At random intervals of the day, just to get conversation going she'll bring up something deeply private of her friend/distant family and tell it to me as if it's gossip. Once when I was mad at my teacher, she literally said, "[paraphrased] give him a break, he's on depression meds." I'm pretty sure he mentioned that to her in confidence, because he and my mom both struggle with mental health (and me but I try not to bring it up at all) and it's so sad how she just blabs this information randomly.
I'm mean to my mom, and I really need to get a grip and fix that. Whenever I try though, she reminds me of how little she cares about people she's not related to. The thing is, my mom doesn't know the things she does are wrong. That's why I use the word "immature". I try to criticise her, but she never really listens. I really want to rebuild our relationship because at her core, she's really sweet and supportive. So how do I educate her on these things in a way she'll actually understand?
Edit: Thanks for all the sweet comments, guys. I'll be sure to take your advice, and the kindness you guys showed me helps a lot.