u/FrequentUnion7662

*edit for ages, parents (48M) and (45F)

This all started around 1-2 years ago when one of our family friends, the type you call aunt/uncle that aren’t, was getting married. When talking to my parents about the wedding I brought up that if they needed a DJ, I’d happily do it for free as I know weddings can be very expensive and I have both experience and enough equipment for a small(ish) venue. They swiftly said that it was fine and that they had their own plans, which I was also fine with as it would mean I could drink and enjoy the wedding instead. Fast forward to the invites being sent and I never receive one and talk to them about when it is, to which they respond it’s “in the summer” and only say that they’re all going and are excited. I ask quite plainly, “Am I supposed to be going as well” and they went quiet and said “idk, I wouldn’t worry about it” and that was the last I heard of anything surrounding this event, until after. My parents had called and were talking about how amazing the event was and how much I would have liked it, I just politely “yeah yeah” on the phone to let them have their fun and tell their stories. This happens again over Christmas when we have both families together, everyone’s telling me how great it was and how “I should have been there”, while I’m kinda just sat there looking like an ass thinking “I would have gone if I was invited”.

All of this, to me, was a one and done event as obviously I have no idea about things I’m not invited too. Well, this all changed a couple months ago after my Nan passed. Now I’ll be honest and say that my Nan and I were not close however, I used to be close to the rest of my family and still go on incredibly well with them, even if I live a bit further away now (still in the same country). So, when I was talking to my parents after she’d passed, they mentioned that there wasn’t going to be a funeral but that they’d be a wake, and I made it explicitly clear that I will be going there to support my family, especially my Grandad. Fast forward a few weeks and I get a call from one of my aunts (42F) for a catch-up. Everything’s going well until she asks “are we seeing you this weekend?” and I’m confused and like “Probably not, why?” to which she then tells me my Nans wake is that weekend, we make plans for me to crash at theirs and of course I go. But I call my parents a few days before the wake and let them know “Hey, I’ll be coming down this weekend.” They’re startled and quietly ask “Oh, are you going to be popping in?” and ofc I say that I wouldn’t be and they say “oh, so… how come you’re down?” I say that it’s for my Nans wake, making sure to give them plenty of opportunity to tell me it’s even happening, in which they say they done their own thing to remember her and are not going. And if I’m being honest, it’s only just clocked while typing this that I also wasn’t invited to the thing they done for her either… Safe to say that was the last time we spoke about this, I made sure to stay amicable as I believed they had their reasons, but as a man almost 30 I would like to make my own decisions around these things, rather than never attending and looking like idgaf about any of them. I’ve made sure to give my Grandad my number and we’ve had a few calls since, he even called on my birthday, which my parents never done this year (I think this is the first year), and it’s really nice as I’ve found out a few things about him since too!

Now with things like Fathers-day approaching I’m essentially just really unsure what to do, as I can’t keep just attempting to put in effort, at least as much as I can, and not having anything back? It feels as though I’m almost putting a condition on our relationship, but that condition feels like the bare minimum? It’s my first time here, as much as it is theirs, but everyone I’ve spoken top finds this entire situation really weird and I’m just not decisive on my next actions, I’ve been advised to cut them off but I’m unsure if it’s as easy as that, certainly not emotionally.