Advice AITA: Annoyed at mum-friend
Single mum, currently not working as went through some trauma earlier in the year. Recovering now so money is very tight. My girl (5) and I are close to another single mum with a daughter (7). They have a lot of disposable income and her daughter gets whatever she wants to the point it’s obsessive and she’ll want one of everything in every colour.
Because we value their friendship and I am aware they care about ‘stuff’ in a way that we don’t, and they have these standards I used all our spare money for two months to pay £150 for tickets to a show for my friends kids birthday that we would all go to. We love this girl and the mum, we wanted them to love the gift. We travelled away for it, a couple of hundred more on top for this, quite a big deal for us cos it’s technically the only real trip away we have been on for a year and probably won’t go away again for a long time soon. It stretched me beyond my financial limit, no spending at all other than absolute basics for two months but it felt worth it and I was happy to do it so we could give them a real gift. The daughter was a whiney bitch for the whole trip, wouldn’t share with my girl and just so ungrateful.
Fast forward a few months and now it’s my girls birthday. All she wants in the world is this girl to come to her party. She adores her. They aren’t coming, they wanted to go to an expensive gig that comes around twice a year instead & it falls on the same day. I told the mum initially that I don’t mind when she let me know the date cos I knew she’d rather go to the gig and didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. But now I’m really pissed off about it.
I know rationally that they are allowed to do what they want. I know I shouldn’t expect them to sacrifice for us just because we did for them. I know I literally told her to go. But I can’t help but feel resentful towards them both now for making that choice. We would have never chosen to do that, her friends party was the highlight of her year. My girl so rarely cries but this week she has cried so many times wishing her friend would come to her party and that she could see her.
I feel so angry, I’m angry that she spoils her girl and she’s letting her become a brat. I’m angry we gave so much for them and then they didn‘t want to come to my kids party. I’m angry my girl is going to be hurt and sad on the day of her party while they will no doubt have the most fun ever.
We are such different people with different ways of doing things. She is more relaxed, I am more serious. I don’t like my kid being sad. Am I being uptight and overthinking when I could have been honest but wasn’t. AITA?