AITAH for cussing out my dad after years of feeling like he chooses his wife over his kids?
I (18F) finally snapped at my dad recently and now half my family thinks I’m an ungrateful asshole.
For context, my dad has always been the kind of parent where everything depends on his mood. He’s super hard on me and especially my younger sisters. He’ll punish them unfairly over tiny things, yell at them, and talk to them in ways I genuinely don’t think kids should be spoken to. A lot of the time it feels less like parenting and more like control. Meanwhile his wife can do no wrong in his eyes, even when she contributes to the problems.
I’ve spent years trying to have a relationship with him, trying to “be understanding,” trying not to start arguments, but honestly it’s exhausting. Every time there’s conflict, he picks her side immediately. I’ve tried explaining how hurtful it is and it always turns into me being “disrespectful” or “dramatic.”
Eventually we got into a huge argument and I completely lost it on him. I cussed at him and told him the truth I’d been holding in for years, which is that sometimes it feels like the only reason I still try to keep a relationship with him is because he helps pay for my college. I also told him I’m tired of him constantly choosing his wife over his own kids and acting like our feelings never matter.
He got furious and started telling me God would curse me for not respecting my parents and that I was going to regret speaking to him that way one day. I know cussing at him wasn’t right, and I do feel guilty for how harsh I was, but at the same time I feel like I hit a breaking point after years of built-up resentment.
Now I’m stuck between feeling guilty and also feeling like I’ve spent my whole life trying to earn love from someone who only gives it conditionally. I’m trying to learn how to accept parents for who they are instead of constantly hoping they’ll suddenly become emotionally supportive people.
AITAH?