Mourning - recently NC with brother who is sometimes a flying monkey of my narc parents
Sometimes I'm mourning, sometimes I'm confused, most of the time I'm angry at my brother.
Both of us are victims of my narcissistic mother, enabler father. For most of our lives, I was treated a golden child whenever I'm lured by my narc mom. I was obedient, straight a daughter.
My brother is headstrong so he could be disobedient sometimes when we were children so he was treated like a black sheep because he's not so easily fooled by my narc mom.
But sometimes, these roles interchange when I disagree with ANYTHING with my mother. I could be shunned, treated poorly, and my mom would connive with my brother. Like a mean girl in highschool who bullies another. Fucking bitch.
For so long, we are never close. It's normal for us to never talk for days long because my parents have made this divide from all the comparisons made for me being the obedient one and him being the bad one.
When I started having depression and anxiety in my early adulthood, I could never pinpoint where I am wrong. I struggled making friends because my mom is mean and my dad is an absent father. They are not good parents to be direct.
So I went to therapy and worked on myself and found out that my mom is a narcissist. Since then, I realized a lot of things and one of them is how poorly treated my brother is. I apologized to him, worked hard to make a relationship with him. Looking back now, I think those were my abandonment issues. I was still struggling with my nc with both my parents. I'm scared of losing people. So I make this unnecessary effort to keep people in my life.
But whenever I can't say yes to requests like financial help or any favor, or create healthy boundaries, he goes ballistic at me. Like super angry to the point where he brings back the things I have already apologized for. I guess he saw thrugh my abandonment issues and thought he could use it against me for my yearning to have a sibling relationship.
I said he's a flying monkey sometimes because during the early months of my nc with my parents, I reached out to him in hopes of enlightening him of the stuff I've learned. He believed me, and we even shared notes (you could say) about the things he observed. We went ok for months long. It felt hopeful because we were never that close when we were young.
Until, I say no to a favor where he asked for help in taking care of his dogs.
I miss him. But he's so damaged too. He was good sometimes. But those times where he screams at me feels similar to when mom or dad does it.
Now I'm nc with him too. Since december 2025. I feel better now, I used to cry about it. But I feel numb now.
I'm scared of being judged by the public about my choice to be nc because all of them would say "they're still family" you know the usual line lmao. So I always deflect those questions so I wouldn't derail my progress in being better, Because damn, my life is WAY better after the nc.
It felt so good letting it all out. It still feels painful. But 1 small step is progress. And that's all that matters.
What are your thoughts? Do you have similar experience? I would love to listen someone who understands. It feels so lonely when I ponder the loss of a family.