u/Frequent_Swim_9267

I am 23F, and i dont know how to use my own brain and have my own say or my own opinion. I feel I dont really know to use my brain or maybe I don't have one?

Haven't used any AI. Gonna let you guys judge and understand me.

I am even fucked up w my health, i am going to the gym on regular basis but I eat shit- I have back fat collecting up even my body is tired storing it in the stomach area, i have face fats my face looks dull, got a hump on my upper back tooo, even in the gym i do the same exercises nothing excites me or challenges me.

My studies? I am gonna take more 8 months to complete my 2 year course- I cant remember shit, my brain laggs. I dont even have proper knowledge of stuffs related to my area of study (finance)- i feel its too complicated for my small brain. During my internship a person asked me about what's there in balance sheet- i literally said there's debit and credit. He made fun of me. Bc there asset and liabilities.

My skin? I used to have the best skin always got complimented on. Now? I have got bumps on it - enlarged pores, a little pigmentation due to shaving the upper hair.

My career? I cant find jobs i almost got called at a big consulting firm, later went on hold god knows why.

Whenever I have a on call hr round i get nervous, tend to over-explain or talk fast- i fuck up my own opportunity.

My brain????? I genuinely cant think no cap- i cant THINK , My life is on autopilot modeee. Or I just do this- what my smart friend would do in this situation, how will be her attitude? What will she reply? How will she carry herself? Or how hard does she work? Now its not limited to one particular friend, it depend on friends and situation ( all my friends are topper-smart to some extent- definitely more than me)

I have also come to a realisation, i have a very low/ negative self image of me- ofc bc I haven't really achieved anything. People usually tell me what to do and 90% of the time i think they are correct and I might have comparatively low info on the task i must listen to what they say now the task could vary from smallest to large.

Now that 10% where I feel that they are wrong idk how to explain it to them bc half the time its my gut saying things out 10 atleast 5 times my gut is correct remaining 5 wrong.

My extended family usually Jokes about how fat i am, My eating habits, especially my brain- and honestly since 22 years of my life i found it funny, thinking i dont want to be a small person and ruin the fun.

Later- i realized its usually only me who its the topic of fun or its easy for someone to shut me up or fool me bc Idk what to think for as a comeback- i feel why are they rude to me? What should I say? I feel was there any actual reason to say that to me even thru a joke? ( later I realized i think this way bc my brain can't really give them a beffitting reply) I want to blow their minds off completely by improving my self. But I need to use my stupid brain for that matter

And stand up for my self with a valid reason.

i usually had this tendency to make others feel superior to me yk? So that they feel good ab them selves- i give People that upper hand , i let people be rude to me.

And i am not good in any area of life not even one - can't even stay consistent more than 2 days and why? Bc my brain says this 2-4 days were very easy you did everything thats to be done and people f* up here, and you didn't you will already be ahead if you start a late.

I can't even stay consistent in loving god, i get atheist questions just to yk to stop praying and do smthg else.

My emotional intelligence? Dont even get me going on this i react very quick , i feel bad its on my face, I am happy its on my face, I I feel stupid, its on my face. I exaggerat and feel things

Nothing is in my control, i used to be a very ambitious fun person, had goals, had the definition of success wanted to do things differently- but gradually i realized the above things and guess what? My brain doesn't remember my own goals, what i wanted, how's that even possible?